14

...so now i'm down to 14 hours...and i haven't done GOD damn thing. funny i'll take the time to blob this menial BULLSHIT to bore you with before i'll start reading through notes or anything. sorry.

so far i've slept 14 hours since 4am last night...should be a good thing but i'm still yawning. the coffee pot's going on in a few minutes. crackerjack once posted or something that drinking coffee at night is a sign of weakness...or something. i say or something a lot.

either way, i think it's a solution to a weakness. i was telling dave a little while ago (he was commenting on me sleeping in the lounge in the early evening saying, 'this is WHY he can't sleep at night'...or something...) that i can't study in the afternoon or even early evening. i don't know why but it just doesn't seem like the right time to me and i fall asleep. so...in those times earlier when i SHOULD be studying i often just...sleep in the hopes that it'll make studying later easier.

i'm sure there are a lot of people reading this who'll think that i am completely full of shit and that if i just switched my studying with my sleeping i'd be better off i'll tell you that i do lots of 'tests' about myself. body, mind, sleep, emotion, all that wonderful shit. either way, i've tried skipping the naps and otherwise occupying myself and still, i wake up around 11pm...or even later. even if i were tired as fuck...if there was something i really had to do i couldn't do it until i had no time. i guess it's just a question of motivation. i need the motivation of the stress of a deadline to do anything. if i know i can wait, i will, and that's my weakness? well the coffee just helps me focus better, as do the naps, when i finally sit down and do this shit.

so in the end i think i just lack motivation and need external motivations. i have my arsenal of 'solutions' to this weakness and i use them to their capacity because my motivation is so weak.

i think.

i'm gonna go study now...or...help my friend with her computer first.



frozen