gone gone gone

so today was...gone. i woke up at three thirty pm. i set my alarm for that 'cause that's what it was already on and when i went to bed at like...seven thirty am last night i thought there'd be no way i'd sleep that long...heh. right. BUT, hey, i got up with enough timeto see eric's IM message about goign to see kill bill at 5:50 up at magic johnson theaters. DAYMN. i liked that movie a lot. the plot's....simple so far. so that makes it easy to just fill the space with lotsa blood and guts and so many lines that just really needed to be crossed at some point. i'm not completely sure how this movie manged to get by with just an R rating. god bless 'em. i have a newfound interst in quentin tarantino now...

we came back and watched 'gladiator' (me dave muppet and started with liu but he bailed, then sai came eventually, then disappeared, then tao came, sai came back, something something). such a great movie. LOOONG, but great. everyone left...'cept sai who i'd thought had left. she walked back in when i had on 'chungking express', a movie on 'rolling thunder' productions, something started by quentin tarantino to basically put all the movies he loves under one sort of title. it's kind of cool...this was the first rolling thunder production apparently and it has an intro and an outro, both of which are very informative and mention and describe like a dozen or so movies as well....i'll definitely keep an eye on those. i like his style.

sooo now that i think i've been in front of the tv for long enough (is that possible?) i thought i'd come and have a chat with the computer. one of those times i sat down and thought about something to blog. so "here's my day" blah blah blah usually comes out. i've found myself doing that a lot...sitting down and thinking hmm...what can i write? when i started...and for a long time after that...i never had to do this. i'd just think of shit to blog *shrugs*. or maybe it was that i'd just sit down and things would come to me? i don't know...it just seems i have to strive to think of things people might be interested in. for some reason my traffic has gone way up...don't know why that's happened. got a few more hits from the aussie and the crackerjack (recently linked at left) but not the numbers that would make such an increase in traffic (click the little blue square with the red line graph near the bottom of this page for stats). definitely not getting more comments :) punks. honestly, i'd be so much happier if people would just COMMENT incessantly. really. i enjoy it. i'd do it to more peoples' but i feel like it would jus get irritating. one of the reasons i started this blog was that i realized i like talking but i don't always feel like people wanna listen. madly commenting all over the place would defeat that, so i won't.

until you do.

hah

yeah, this is one of those string-of-consciousness blogs.....sorry if you were looking for something deep...unless this is deep to you. i really like analyzing peoples' trains of thought. i've met very few people in the world that i can hold a conversation with for what seems like forever. i dont' really know why but it's usually women that i find this with....and it always attracts me. (there's at least two of you who may be reading this). usually the way it goes is that topics just seem to burst out of preceding conversations, and it just never stops. and this isn't just like...A-D-D talking...where each one of these hundred little conversations is an unfinished thought. i dunno. i could just be delving into it too much....or maybe i just do that when i like a girl....huh. chicken or the egg....i ask myself that a lot these days. there's a lot of cause-effect arguments that i feel i'm almost required to take the chicken/egg opposite of, whichever it may be, to take a stance on it.

i also ask myself why i try and be a philosopher when i usually suck at it. hah.

usually what i'm trying to do is describe my feelings. i have very....rich intuitions. i dunno if rich is a good word. maybe strong. i'm just avoiding anything implying 'good' because that'd be too....glorifying for myself. what i mean is that when i get feelings, i'll spend days or weeks sometimes trying to either convince myself otherwise or just simply explain why i got that feeling. friends and foes and 'girls' have called it closed mindedness and spiteful and whatnot (when of course they get into the argument) but i've never been able to express correctly how i really do think of myself as open-minded. i can just never logically convince myself that my intuitions are wrong. i use the term 'never' loosely. i don't know what i'm talking about...it was an intuition, and here i go again...i'll stop philsophising....eep. and spelling.

would that be enough yet to deter the weak readers? only the strong survive through jess' blob. the strong or the bored. extremely bored. unless you really like me? hah. i still can't figure out why over the past few years i've gotten so thirsty for attention. it might be 'cause i get it now. back in high school, i always kinda blended into the walls. i stand out a lot more out here...the way i look the way i am the rock i call home....i dunno. i look back a lot and try to find that 'transition' and figure out what went into it. it was definitely at a time where i was shifting my priorities. i KNOW part of it was me trying not to be the unsociable geek i used to be. i did want to change...but i didn't know how. and now i've found myself quite different than i'd ever thought i'd be. i like it...and i don't like it. this is kind of becoming another reason i'm shifting away from wanting to stay in the city longer.

kind of like...you have to just start over once in a while. eric's profile has said something like 'hide in a hole and start over' or something for the past week or so (more?). i can guess what he's talking about personally but i think that just has to happen sometimes. like...high school. i had to get outa' hawaii. i felt like i had so much potential and nowhere to channel it. i've found that here, but i kind of overshot it i think. of course the engineer in me now is thinking of newton approximations and iterations to get closer better approximations. i mean...living in one place offers a certain inertia to one's life. for some, it's stablizing. for others, it's a cage. gotta keep movin' around. you stay still and you're giving yourself no chance to grow! granted, staying still gives less chance of fuckup but hey, we can learn. and hey, i'm sure we get better at bouncing up instead of diving underwater at some point in our life (oscillating..up...down....geek.). either way. i think i'm ready to change again. to grow up perhaps? i feel like i'm just kinda cruisn' through this year on a hoverboard...worried not too much about right now but more about what's AHEAD. i want it. get me there.

i don't wanna say i'll start changing...and then dissappoint you all....but i do wanna change. i haven't quite figured out how yet. i think for starters i DEFINITELY have to start getting off of morningside more often. food, music, movies, concerts, shows, drinks....everything. i wanna start getting out more. if i'm gonna leave the city, i better enjoy the nightlife while it's here ;)

who's with me


gibb