movin' on


music: metallica - unforgiven
volume: 15


soooo yeah. put my life on hold for a day....but now that it's a new day (after midnight) i figured i should get going on work again....ugh.

i'm still torn on how i would've felt if i HAD needed surgery. all the usual logistical crap was going through my head...could i finish my work, could i finish finals, could i handle not walking for a day or two....i mostly thought yes, but what the hell do i know. up 'till now i've been able to take care of myself no matter what i've gone through...but this time i wasn't sure. my brother learned the hard way how hard life can be without being able to walk when he had to get surgery on his knee (torn ACL)....he got really scared for me and was ready to fly up this weekend if i had to go get surgery : ) this is, of course, after he convinced my mom that she didn't need to fly up. my sister's around but she lives in brooklyn and works a lot during weekends and really doesn't have much time. lewis at least can get away when he needs (mostly taking his work with him)...the joys of working for a private firm.

i'm so glad i have such a loving family : ) they all wanted to do everything they could for me....and i don't really know what kind of person i would be if i didn't always know i could trust them. like i said before "i've been ble to take care of myself," but part of that was just the emotional support i got from knowing that if i couldn't, they'd be there. also like to send out some shouts of thanks to all my friends who were concerned. another reason i thought i'd "be okay" not being able to walk alone. i'm sure someone would be willing to bring me a slice of pizza : )

that's usually a thought that come sto me whenever i contemplate relgion. i'm technically an atheist...although i've been baptized and i've gone to sunday school...and didn't retain anything from it. but in the end, i think the reason for that is because i've never 'needed' to believe that something out there will love me no matter what....because i know i have my family and short of complete disrespect (probably even then), they'll always love me.

i wanna go home.



pray