Burn it Off

my self-inflicted panopticon failed.

10.28.2009

sensitize

was talkin' to a friend today, responding to the first 'comment' i've had on this blog in years methinks, and she (the muppet, for those lucky enough to know 'er) mentioned how she always had much more meaningful relationships with people in the blogosphere...before facebook and myspace and ....whatever else there was.

and she was right.

i avoided myspace forever because i'd look my friends' pages and all i'd see were a list of movies, a list of books, a list of music and that nebulous space that usually said simply, "it's complicated"...all in an attempt to quickly define a person like a movie preview.

and then there'd be one post saying "heeeeey, here's my myspace" followed by 2 years of conversations with people saying "i just wanted to say hi....hi!" or "it was good to see you last night!" i never really understood the meaning of those posts. i never understood why it was so viral. they were things i'd much rather say in person, or if not in person then by phone, or not by phone maybe a text message, or if nto by a text message maybe an email....or just showing the person i was happy to see them by asking to see them again. and things like myspace turned it into a broadcast saying, "hey look! i have friends!"

and before you get into it yes, i have a facebook now. i finally got one a few weeks before i made the trip to the east coast, trying to find some people i haven't seen since graduation FIVE YEARS AGO! i couldnt' believe it'd been that long, have gone through many cell phones and a few email addresses myself. and i must say, facebook produced wonderfully and i found all my friends.

and i got hooked telling people shit like "i spilled coffee on my crotch this morning"...like they'd actually care. wondering what quick little quips i could produce to advertise my worth, taking up your time to read three lines of gibberish. and then there're those days when i just write and write....and the damn thing tells me i can't write that much and i have to cut it ddown to some socially accepted wordcount like, WAIT FOR IT, i'm posting a fucking want ad in a newspaper.

and then of course i think back to the day (which is becoming much like tonight) while i wait for the latest episode of "heroes" to download...writing PAGES on this here blog...spewing my mind in all it's glory, slapping it on INFINITE fucking scroll to be displayed for a short time before being archived for an eternity, perchance to be discovered by a future friend who still knows what a blog is. (pop quiz, hotshot, where does the term "blog" come from? no wikipedia!)

and i love it. "hereos" is done downloading and i can't wait to see if hiro can save charlie, or if peter can save hiro, or if noah can save the creepy awkward teenager...and this is worth more. just like back in collee where it was worth those few moments before going to sleep to actually THINK about my life a little and clarify it enough to put it here. my blog...my infinite blog. my failed panopticon. my testament to the changes i've gone through.

and i had a wonderful conversation sparked by an insightful comment from an old friend.

those conversations are better than spilled coffee. and i look forward to more...(stay tuned)

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