Burn it Off

my self-inflicted panopticon failed.

8.10.2009

inadequate

feeling that way again in my life. maybe it has to do with hearing a second person i care dearly about tell me i may live out my life alone. i entertained the idea after the first time i was told that, years ago, and agreed in the "may" part. but there's definitely a hope that i won't. what i did realize is that i can't force certain things about me. and for years now...i've had an empty feeling where i think my heart used to be. and it hasn't been filled yet.

given nearly everything logically corresponding to what i want in a girl, i couldn't feel the way she did about me. showered in caring, generosity and love, my heart followed so slowly in the distance, dragging behind through heavy sand.

she thought she was, but i think i'm the one that's broken.

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