ass! fuck!

it would be pretty cool to have turrets. or a flame thrower. i will forever remember a question on one of those stupid online surveys. it asked, "would you rather have the ability to fly or...." at this point i was like, what could be better than flying? but it continues "....or the ability to urinate gasoline". omg.

okay back to my point (heh, don't worry, i wouldn't do anything crazy like make a point). now that i finally broke down and started blobbing, i've found about SIX other ways to waste time. now everytime i'm away from my computer (or at my computer) for more than an hour (or a minute), i check my email, two different accounts, i check the newsgroup, i check almost every away message, i check to see if people have new profiles, and then i check five blobs i have bookmarked....what the fuck is wrong with me. i am, however, getting all my work down. granted i start everything at 10pm...it's interesting that i can spend so much time being useless and still get the shit done. gives me comfort in my laziness....i mean shit, if it ain't broke, why fix it? yeah there's an obvious answer to that question but i'm not going to concern myself with being an overachiever right now.

i often wonder who actually reads this shit. i had a few people answer my question, subtley....perhaps the rest are as ashamed as i am to be checking this shit all the time. partially my reason for asking is just wondering what i CAN safely say : ) i've never been one to hold back much...but i HAVE always been one to accidentally insult someone or just spill something that makes them not-like-me-all-that-much once in a while. my best friends have always been the ones who i can let my psychological dogs off the leash around. ironically my two x's are two people i use choke chains around (for two different reasons)....even though i always thought 'that girl' should be my best friend. perhaps that's unfair to judge now, after the fact, but it's something i've decided i can live with never knowing. we all must learn.

i feel kinda like a goldfish. what i used to like about subprofiles was that they were connected to AIM so i could see who visited them, and then talk all the shit i wanted about the ones who didn't : ) after the first two or three, nobody new ever showed up. so for those of you who did, i love you....or hate you and just never got the opportunity to express it *wink*. this whole you see me i see myself talk is a bit...embarrassing? i dunno if that's the right word. at the same time i kinda like it a little, like it's my audience's responsibility to take care of me or something? or like the people in these apartment buildings out my window who's responsibility it is not to stare at me when i walk around my room naked....

or at least not make it obvious.

actually, please, DO make it obvious. hello? *swims into glass*