so i got about four IM's saying "i read your blog"....i was very happy with that :) regardless...i still wonder WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE THINKING that you actually enjoy this shit, but....the dude abides.

i get an average of about seventeen or eighteen people visiting my site (click the graph lookin' thing in the top left corner) and i didn't even know i had that many friends, so thank you all.

either way, i spent thursday night through saturday morning with steiner (eric's roomate) at his house each night, and up at mt. snow, vermont, all of friday. AMAZING. such pretty snow. and i'm not as bad as snowboarding as i thought i was. if anybody's interested in makin' a trip snowboarding/skiing sometime, gimme a buzz, i'll definately be interetsed (money willing). i love it. i have a NEED for SPEED (name that movie). oddly enoug (for all you MOTHERS out there), my back felt better when i got back then when i had left, which was very interesting. oh well...more for me :)

so, this past week (saturday to sunday) has been probably the greatest of my life. i managed to do 2/3 psets, two great parties, snowboarding, lotsa sleep and missed classes, and making two people i love cry in front of me. yay. i was having a talk with an 'older friend' of mine (hey drew) and he was saying that sometimes 'fuckups' have to be left 'fuckups'...he accepted the fact that he didn't understand all the details of my situation, but i still understand what he was saying. sometimes mistakes jut have to be left behind and learned from. in any case, i would LOVE to do that, but unfortunately in this case my 'fuckup' involves more than my 'fuckup' (get all that?).

hell, maybe you can help (the general you, you know how to reach me...although i'll get a commenting link in a bit)....what are your thoughts on 1) dating the x of a friend or 2) dating the friend of an x? i personally had both my x's approached by a friend...it didn't feel the great the first time (even when it didn't work) and it felt worse the second time (when they got together and are very happy together now). it's interseting to see the people that think it's 'taboo' and the people who are confused as to what exactly i'm bothered about. it seems like a fine line between two extremes....nobody's really lik....hmmmmm...i dunno, except makiko, 'cause she's afraid of letting anybody know anything about her (i hatechoo makiko :). one of my friends (you know who you ar) said punch him in the nuts and them buy him a beer. unfortunately that's not quite enough. as far as i know he FORGOT what happened that night last week where the three of us talked....but i'm sure candace filled him in as best she could.

intersting story comes to mind. in high school, i was always that guy (i found this out at the END of high school) that lots of girls wanted, but none of whom i would give myself to. kind of interesting considering only a FEW of the approached me....either way, because of that two conjectures emerged about me. 1) i play for the pink team, and 2) in college i'll be a fuckin' sex addict. unfortunately (for me at least), they were both wrong. i've actually considered homosexualism...seriously (laughter, laughter), but i really don't understand how a man can be considered beautiful (women, good luck). on the other hand, i've always, and still do, consider sex to be something sacred. i know the question that'll come to mind, and ask me personally if you want to know the answer. i figure it's something i'll deal with when it comes to me. so far i've managed to keep my life a 'little' less comlicated, but i've still got my share of fuckups going on in my head. it does no good.

sorry this is so long, but i'm on the end of a 'drunk' night with a lot that's been penned up in my head sleepless these past few days. when i'm drunk, i think i reach conclusions a small bit faster (days), but i'm also quick to conclusions in a way that i'll just find the easiest way out. a teacher (tenth grade and math team through high school) once told the girl who was to be my x-girlfriend (candace) "jess does what's best for jess". candace told me this, i dunno when, but it always stuck in my head. he was a smart guy (mr. fukuhara, fuks, pronounced foooks to us), and i was hurt at first when i heard that, but i soon realized that it's true. i am a selfish guy. i justify it (or at least 'try' to) by asking very little of others. if you've followed my blob from the beginning, you'll recall a convesration i had with myself about levels of trust. if i 'trust' you to know 'secrets' about myself, that's just me exposing myself to the world....but if i ask you to take care of my first born for an evening, THAT is when you know i trust you. i tend to think i ask very little of my friends but understanding. i try as little as possible to ask for favors (even from my parents), and when i do it's when i REALLY trust people and i REALLY need help. but my bigass ego always wants to do it on my own whenever possible.

i'll continue this later if it comes to mind later. i'd hate to lose fans on account of my rambling ; ) and if you got this far, tell me....um....'ugachaka uga uga' at some point and i'll give you a kiss. or just tell me 'uga' if you don't want the kiss.


-but you're jess