a comment (rare comment) by stoops to a blob two blobs ago about ghosts:

aight, to begin with ... you kissed a girl in kindergarden? wow ... i don't think i kissed a girl on the lips until, like, 6th grade. what a dork, methinks.

to illustrate just how weird this was to me, the next girl i kissed was my first girlfriend my senior year in high school...and we didn't even make out...just kisses hi, goodbye, thank you, you're cute...blah blah...i didn't know how to initiate it, and to make matters worse it was a weird, awkward relationship that lasted two months....possibly two months too long? i dunno. jury's still out on that one. i was a spaz, i fell REAL hard for her, and i kinda freaked her out and we dont' talk anymore.

all that=ghost. i'd be hard pressed to find a day i didn't think about her for at least a split second....

so yeah, who's the dork now baby, ooooh yeah.

and, for the record, the first girl brave enough to stick her tongue in my moth was this girl later in my senior year who had a thing for me (she was a junior, but a year older than me 'cause she was home schooled 'till i dunno when) and asked me to her junior prom....i thought it would be kinda weird to just go, so the weekend before i invited her to come out with me and my friends for the day. we were planning on partying later that night, and the plan was to drop her off before then and go party....but yeah, my friends ended up inviting her..half to make me feel weird, half 'cause two of my friends thought she was cute (she was cute, but i didn't really want anything to do with her), so yeah, she comes, we drink a lot, we play a lotta truth or dare, and she....well....jumps me. i was too drunk to know what was going on, or to know that about five of my friends were in the room too (we'd rented a hotel room), including a girl-friend who i'd currently been hitting on....so yeah, kinda weird. clothes stayed on, hands stayed out, just makin' out...'till i sobered up just a tad to realize how weird this was....

yeah...that turned into another ghost...

and the second girl i made out with also jumped me when i was drunk...took me an entire summer to get her off my back. oops.

ghost.

third girl was candace. she also had to jump me about a MONTH into our relationship...i think. something like that, but yeah, i move slow. at least i wasn't drunk *shrugs*

(pseudo)ghost - possibility of improvement.

fourth girl was ana (up here at columbia).....who.....you guessed it.....also jumped me. i saw her for about two weeks which consisted of a lot of making out and hangin' out, but i just couldn't give myself in to it for some reason. i really did enjoy her company, but since i didn't feel it, i felt like i was just using her for a warm body....i really don't understand myself sometimes. i mean i enjoyed (and still enjoy) her company. she's in italy now on exchange, but i still talk to her on IM once in a while. but i felt like i needed more there inside me to deserve the rest of her.....

she's also sort of a ghost...i think of her (and how i felt with her) when i try and figure myself out, but she's in italy, and even when she was here, i never saw her unless i made a date for it.

hmm...i started this and asked myself why am i posting this....and here i am, asking myself why i'm posting this : ) but yeah, there it is. my love life in it's entirety.

again, i ask, who's the dork ; )

-but you're jess