evanescence - everybody's fool

"perfect by nature"


so my life has boiled down to about 2 classes a week....on tuesday and wednesday. what's going on in the world :) ironically that means it takes me even longer to get outa' bed these days. i got up at 10am this morning to get workin' on this pset for music signal processing...ate breakfast......watched tv....WENT BACK TO BED....finally started workin' around 2pm and didn't finish one part that i definitely could've finished.

somehow i'm on top of my classes even though i show up to all my classses late...homework fresh off the printer/notebook/whatever. i dunno how i'm doing it but i better hold on for just...what...seven more weeks or something? i could probably fuck it all and do decently...but i'm not going to be going straight into a 'career' after school so i need all the good marks i can get on my resume methinks.

how does this happen? i had a teacher in high school who enjoyed giving lectures on how senioritis was a farce instead of teaching us physics. he thought if he made sense to us that senioritis was a psychological thing we wouldn't do it.

too bad i was sleeping in class then, too.

the more i think about it, the more i wish i wasn't so hellbent on achievment in high school. it's turned me into something i don't wanna be. i could've made my life a lot easier and a lot more...me....had i gone to an easier school. or so i think...maybe that would've just been less motivation than i require to do the bare minimum. did that make sense? what i mean is that my work is very tightly bound to my level of motivation. exponentially, even. possibly my best semester here was when i was taking 21 credits...one of which i still claim to be one of my hardest classes (electromagnetics)...all while i was dealing with a depressive girlfriend and a drinking problem...looking back i don't know how i did it. my course load just got easier and more interesting after that...and i haven't been able to bring myself to finish my homework since. sure, i COULD challenge myself more...but when i don't have that pressure, which i relieved myself of by taking lots of credits frosh and soph year, i just don't work. i can't sleep, then i can't wake up. i zone out. i can't concentrate...fuck.

i'm thinking i will be going back to grad school in a couple years or so....i have to get outa' school for now...but i don't think i can pursue what i'd like to with only a BSEE...

somebody poke me...


*cymbol crash*