foiled again

so after sleeping for a good portion of today after going to bed at like 5am last night (and waking up to help my mom into a cab and say goodbye at 8am)...here i am again. i was going to go out and try and find some people to chill with...but couldn't, really. my friend ana hit me up (perhaps the one girl i actually regret dumping) for drinks sometime before i leave but our schedules didn't line up so well tonight...she'll probably come by arlene's tomorrow and then go home to her boyfriend's...eric came into town as well to drop off his brother but with nobody else to drink with (no offense eric) i didn't really want to make the 1 hr. trek to columbia to drink with someone who couldn't offer me a bed (would've been maybe 1.5 hrs. back down here at whatever hour drinking usually ends).

so...i chilled here and drank whiskey 7's and watched movies with my brother and sister, who were also dead, but have to work tomorrow. and now they're asleep...and i'm...insomniac'd. i did have a pretty good buzz goin' but that's all gone to hell. my sister has the ny times as her homepage...so i started reading that...blogging and hackers and passwords and online gambling and raising a kid in las vegas....everything i read was kinda depressing and i've sobered up and am getting a headache. how do i do this to myself?

sent out that last party-request email today as well. newsgroup and any emails i could think off off the top of my head. for those of you who it didn't reach, either DBQ or carmine's wednesday night followed by some drinkage. email me or comment (w/ your email address) if you're interested. i'm leaving thursday morning. or, i'll also be at christian's show tomorrow night (tuesday) at arlene's grocery. check out hellonurse.com for details.

and that'll be it. two more nights...and new york will be 5000 miles behind me. my tendency now is to go back to grad school after the 18 month 'program' i'm gonna go through in hawaii...but who the hell knows how i'll feel in 18 months. maybe i can make a badass salary after that, work for 15-20 years, buy a big house and make a recording studio...all in the sun and the sand and the surf and the...pace. i'll definitely be a different person there. nothing like here where on any night most of the time i could at least get two or three people to come out drinkin' with me. now...there's maybe two or three people back home that i'd even WANT to hang out with. i haven't been so good about keepin' up relationships these past two years. i was at first...but i started to get aggravated when i'd try and get people together and they'd just end up sitting at home watching tv. i gave up to just see who would contact me instead and needless to say, i was a bit dissapointed. i was always one of the ones to get people together, even back home. was i just letting them off the hook by not calling them lately? who knows. i barely care. i got my surfboard, my cleats, guitars, a water bottle and a cell phone (to call 911 when i break my leg in the mountains)...and my mom. i think i can live alone. i think i can be alone. for a little while.

at some point i will have to make an effort to meet people again, though. not sure i now how to do that anymore...always kind of fell in my lap. but hell, i am where karma goes to die (sorry spoots)...maybe i don't have to worry about it.

and this is why i don't drink alone. i get depressed.



pixie