fucking fall

fall is turning into a fuckin' nonstop party man...last year was pretty bad but this year is HORRIBLE! every fuckin' weekend since (i can't even remember) sometime before halloween...and since then it's been every weekend:

shugga poker fundraiser
halloween
hopu
maui hat draw
sloshball
sailing w/ whit and alison and pottery at steve/leigh's
this weekend is the car wash and i think karaoke with michelle/steve...CAROLOKE (frances) on sunday, and finally karaoke w/ jen guys monday.
NEXT weekend (12th) is a huge clusterfuck...league finals, ben/frances birthdya/goodbye, missing mickey avalon, supposed to go to a birthday party on the 11th...
then it's christmas stuff, lewis is in town
WHAT THE FUCK! i think my new year's resolutino is going to be to stay home every other weekend.

and while this has all been a shit ton of fun, it is wearing me. i always do this in the months after breaking up...soaking up every bit of freedom i have to do what i want and party my arse off. it ends eventually, often because there're just things i wanna do at home. have a guitar and harmonica staring at me coldly in the dark wishing for some attention...just about every one of my regular surfboards needs repairs (including my baby that i broke the tip off of...with my shin...shite), truck needs some work (brake job, now have dremmel to fix radiator, some sanding/repainting that is long overdue)

i look around my house and see remnants of the parts of the past 4 weekends at this point...and i'm just never home with enough time or energy to do anything about it. good thing my roomates are chill!

and meanwhile i wonder to myself where this all leads. why do i have this insatiable need to hit every party, every outting, and shit...i instigate a good portion of them. i intentionally just STAYED HOME a few nights this week...nice to just couch it sometimes with yourself and contemplate shit (while watching some mindless TV of course ;)

and i have a lot to think about. i'm floating again...wandering...aimless...

a lot's changed. i have a few decisions to make. a few deeds i must endure. some inertia i must overcome. and the longer i sit back and let life go on without me the harder it'll be to find myself in the end. things i'll be ashamed to let slip away. things that'll haunt me.

need to recenter again.

and i've said that before....

*shove*