boom


music: sting & eric clapton - it's probably me

so far so good. only lasted...three hours without posting. i don't really have much to say. i tend to think of things and try and remember to blog about them..but that rarely happens 'cause half the time i sit down to blog...something else comes to mind. funny how that happens.

speaking of blogs...they seem to be dead as of late. christian always blogs a lot, amanda, crackerjack, every couple days or so, stoops...one or twice a week, mara's disappeared, i still refuse to attempt eric's password, makiko's comments are more active than her blog...er....who else. if i forgot you, you should probably blog more. for the first time since i started blogging, i found myself searching for other shit to read this week. i took christian's advice and checked out craiglist's 'rants and raves' section. haha....so great. i'd say about half of it is talking about blowjobs and muffdiving. funny how nyc turns into a boys against girls war.....over EVERYTHING.

and here we go again, sat down with nothing and found something. well....not like anything i blog ever has much meaning :) but hey, it still works for me. it amuses me how some people keep feeling the need to purify their blog and castrate themselves so they can't be themselves on it...or so they can be themselves on it...i dunno. confuses me. still don't know how i stopped caring what people know about me. i'm at least content with the fact that even though i put everything out there on this blog, people still aren't going to be 'themselves' around me if they're thinking something they don't think i want to know....or simply don't want me to know. it's an interesting game. or maybe a game i just create on my own 'cause i never fuckin' trust anyone.

i'll stop now before this turns into a discussion with myself :) it's just been on my mind a lot with, you know, senior year. after elementary school i was glad to leave everyone there behind. and i did. i was never close to any of them unfortunately. high school...i tried to hold on but we all went our seperate ways. i ended up making better friends with people i didn't really hang out with that much during school....people change *shrugs*.

now...it's different, 'cause i won't be leaving 'home'. when i leave nyc...i'm not going to have any specific reason to come back here....nor do the people who'll graduate and leave here as well. leaving high school...we always reconvene over summer or christmas. now...the only way i'll see these people is if i actually kepe in touch with them. of course i start making that inevitable 'list' of people i'll be glad to keep in touch with....and am filled with all kinds of rushing feelings of guilt, inequity, loneliness....i dunno. hate to say it but a lotta the time during these ponderings i keep thinking of candace. thinking back, most often, i'm believing mroe and more that it was just 'sex'....in the general meaning of the word (since i don't mean the literal meaning). she's still the only girl who i was ever comfortable with physically (one of...six girls i've gone horizontal with...including tame ones) and i'm hoping that's the only reason she's on my mind so much. like, sex is on a man's mind what...every ninety seconds? and the only...hmmm...sexual freedom?....let's say the most sexual freedom i've experienced has been with her. do the math.


i need more hot women in my life.



'california dreaming'