jack johnson
unplugged

i feel very dislocated from the rest of the world these days. lotsa things adding to it, as usual...maybe the onslaught of midterms is just bringing them all the the surface, i dunno. nothing seems worth it anymore. my classes are really interesting, but i don't give a shit...i'm a senior now, and i'm more comfortable being alone these days. maybe i'm just in denial about my social situation? i dunno. poker and ultimate are the only things i really enjoy outside of my suite. i play guitar with my stereo through my headphones...and i'm happy.

reminds of when i was a senior in high school....well..not really 'reminds' me...but gets me thinking about it. back then..the whole 'i'm leaving soon' mentality made me much more sociable. i went out to parties, somehow turned into the least likely alcoholic in my class, discovered lots of classmates i'd never talked to that i wish i had...and also discovered lots of classmates who'd whished they'd talked to me more. they were good times. ironically, my best friends in high school are nothing but memories now and those friends i picked up in that last year are the ones i go home for vacations and hang out with. how does that happen?

now, though, i have no motivation to meet new people. too much effort. everyone's putting together their plans for their lives in what...three months now? in high school it was different 'cause that was our home. columbia, though...when i leave i really don't think i'll be coming back for a long, long time. a new friendship i cram into these last few months will take a lot more than a common interest to last longer than those few months...so what's the point? so in the end i just hold onto the friends i have now...but somehow i feel like i'm just not moving anywhere. the whole college life has become stagnant to me. i need more sleep, i get injured more easily, i get drunk faster and i get more hangovers...time to move on. but i'm working on the transition...

wherever i go i'm bringin' my life. guitars, snowboard, discs, lawn chair, clown shoes.....maybe that's what i should be concentrating more on than looking for reasons to be depressed. am i depressed? who knows. there is one thing that could be causing that, but i'll save it for another time.


*wince*