heh

that actually made me laugh, austin. not to say you're usually not funny, it's just that something that hurts that deeply shouldn't be funny to me...but it is! that's the fun of it. maybe writing about what a loser i am helps me come to terms with it...or maybe i just don't really give a shit? we'll see when i fuck it up with tammy...

i should see her tomorrow. perhaps then you can stop reading my blog. heh.

in OTHER news...fuck. south swell hit yesterday (5ft.) and i couldn't go because of the draft. held today so ALL FUCKIN' DAY i was psyched to go. finally i get out and i'm BLOCKED IN. so painful. i have my board. i have a bitchin' car. and i have a handspan of space on either bumper flanked by a wall and an SUV. yeah my parking arrangement is twisted...but it's free which is hard to come by. so i got stuck. i read more of the dark tower. i took a nap. FINALLY the field guys came back fuckin' TWO HOURS LATER...and then we had to wait anotyher half hour to get some keys....fuck. i finally got out a half hour before the sun set. said fuck it and went to waikiki anyway, got in the water just as the sun was setting and it was beautiful. fuckin' windless shoulder high sets and i had the inside break all to myself 'cause the only other peeps out there were longboarders. so sexy. although really fuckin' creepy. no moon and overcast...so when a wave would come the only indication would be the disappearance of the horizon....and then there's that split second before it breaks that the wall is steep enough to reflect the light from the city to tell you where the goddamn wave is. i know the break pretty well though and lined up perfectly...made for some steep drops but i could still make 'em. good shit...even though it was short lived (i got tired catching wave after wave...usually you ahve to wait around 'cause there's more people).

...and that's the most pissed off i've been in MONTHS...haha. because i couldn't go surfing. what a life.


brian white comes in a week!


pooh corner by one.