one'a those days

it's one'a those "why do i blog" days....don't know why.

why do i blog? 'cause i like being heard. i check my nedstat every once in a while and i usually get close to 30 hits a day if not more...one day a few weeks ago i got clost to 70 for some weird reason (a fluke) i figured someone was going back and forth through all my links...bu then i remembered tha ti have all my links targetted to "blank" so it opens a new window and that back and forth thing shouldn't happen....so i dunno what the fuck was up with that.

so i check my nedstat and i see hits. what i usually blog is just...train of thought. what wants to come out comes out. what i want heard, comes out. and people read, so i keep doing it 'cause i want people to hear it. long, long ago i pressed the idea of the panopticon...of being open in every way to the rest of the world and forced to behave under the restraint of what I personally perceived to be society's morale. found out that my life involves other lives, and most other lives don't like being exposed very much. i guess i should respect that but (apologies) the way i am makes me see that as a weakness. shamless.

sooo i don't blog everything now. A LOT, i do blog, but i try and keep as much of it as i can personal, and STRICLY personal. i don't talk about friends much (deeply), girls (that's trouble), not family very much. tam checks this every once in a while. i think my sister vanessa does too, sometimes. my mom would probably read the entire thing start to finish if she knew it existed. i probably wouldn't mind very much, except for the fact that i'd have to explain most of it to her anyway (i can hear it now: "you did what!?")...but for the most part i figure my biggest audience is the columbia ultimate crew. funny how i've kept in touch with only a handful of them yet they still read my blog. it's a good feeling. every once in a while i'll send a shoutout to someone on AIM or something and they'll be at least a little up-to-date on me...and i them, sometimes. i admit, my blog reading is pretty weak these days, but i do sit down for an hour once in a while and read months worth of blogs. happy to see that i'm still linked....and also happy to see that i'm still one'a the most frequent bloggers ('cept when eric gets in one'a his moods) even though i get the urge less often these days. honestly...i'm barely home. even unemployed...i see my mom only a few times a week. too easy to wake up after her and come home after she falls asleep....just the way my schedule works, unfortunately. i make it a point to come home just to see her sometimes, though. she's going through some hard times.

my parents are going to get divorced soon. that is....once my dad has the balls to talk about it more. so, probably going to have to sell the house *sob*. the only way it can happen, unfortunately. don't feel comfortable leaving my mom alone yet, though, so i'll probably rent a place with her at least for a little while before i leave her and go out on my own. i can't be a live-with-mom type forever, but i'm glad to be here for her right now. she needs somebody. all i really need to be happy is a garage to indulge in my hobbies (raimi and surfboards) and someplace beau (my dog) can be happy. oh...and a job :) but i think that's comin' along just fine. confident....at least.

we'll see how that holds up :)

oh, and i decided on the next car i want (truck/SUV). i want a ford bronco. ford bronco II (smaller) if i can find one...but that's not easy. like women, i can't explain why certain ones attract me. but i do need something more useful...and i just like the bronco *shrugs*.

talk about a sidetrack.

so yeah...dont' talk about a whole lotta 'deep' things in my life these days....'cause most of those involve others, and i don't like talkinga bout others here anymore. too much goddamn trouble (shameful bastards ;)



show some balls

wear a kilt.