bad blogger

i'm a bad blogger. ever since i left college...i don't read other peoples' blogs as much. i go through the entire list once every two or three weeks...for some blogs that's actually a good interval, but for others i end up reading like five or six posts in one sitting which just doesn't have the same effect. i feel like i'm failing my friends by reading five posts at a time. and, of course, i don't blog as much.

my life's gotten very simple, methinks. what occupies my mind most of the time are the day to day kind of things that are pretty much geared towards having enough money to survive in this country. when i used to blog, i used to have so many ideas floating through my head that i felt were so exciting and interesting, no matter how retarded or random i figured others would see them as. and, not that i have to tell you, i let them pour out. since i came home and started dealing with real life things instead of melting into the college pot of ideas we all swam in...nothing i think of seems interesting.

it's probably one'a the strongest feelings (not about the blog, but about the ideas) that convinced me to go back to school. i miss having something NEW in my mind. every day learning something new. whether it be how to calculate EM fields, a new fuckin' drink at a bar, or a new way to dress for the cold...i was so out of place in college that it opened my mind to so many other things. i came home and things settled. i felt like i had to settle down again to mesh into the real world here...and i did....and in settling down i was lost. the only thing si looked forward to were ultimate and surfing...and all the tasty food and booze i could consume with my fat paycheck. but instead of an open mind exploring the retarded and random, only a finite number of ideas burned themselves in my mind, day after day. the principle of which being, where the fuck am i going?

i don't read the news anymore, i don't read boingboing anymore. i read other blogs less frequently. i probably read only about three websites regularly. the surf report, red meat (weekly comic), and craigslist. i watch a lotta tv. i play a lotta ultimate. i surf when there're waves.

i think i kind of needed this, in a way. had i just gone straight into grad school it would've been more like undergrad...lots of potential with no defined outlet. i may have come to the same conclusion in that environment...that i was working for something i...well..couldn't grasp. only then i'd be paying to do it...and working harder, haha.

tonight was one'a those nights i went through the blog list...and i read eric's blog about his life not being real. and not his. and waking up one day being 29 years old at the same job and not knowing why. that's what working was like to me. i don't know enough about the world to know what i wanna do in it yet. school, albeit in my case very focused (alternative energy), right now is a bit of a stall right now. while i'm stalling i'm trying to open my background up to more, though (mechanical engineering on top of electrical). i feel like this way...when i come out and STILL don't know what the fuck i wanna do...i can stall in a new job for a little while. and hell maybe i'll come out and know what i wanna do...i'll have a much broader background to advertise myself with. and just thinking about all this excites me. i feel like i've found an open ended path. one that has many possibilites at the end of it, many outlets for my potential, and, at the same time, more focused than i was before.

i came out of college and took the first job that was offered to me. the job was almost handed to me simply because of two things: the highschool i attended and the college i attended. simple as that. i should've taken more risks. it would've forced me to think harder back then...but i hav eno idea of knowing what that would've accomplished since i look back and realize i knew very little about the world back on.

wtf am i talking about? oh yeah, i remember. kiks!. keep your cd's. i agree with everything you said about them. the liner notes, the pictures, presentation. being able to give people mixes. although despite the fact that these yuppies have access to all the songs you'd put on a mix...i still think there's value in it. i always think about this article i read about weezer's blue album and how the first song on it is probably one'a the best lead offs on any album ever created. jonas. and i always wonder how all my favorite songs end up on track 4,5, and 7 about 80% of the time. give 'em the mixed cd and tell them to upload it into a folder or playlist or however those things organize things, and it can still have that value. when i make a mix, they're never meant to be put on shuffle. i used to shuffle discs a lot way back when...but i almost never do it now. after picking all the songs i'll try and arrange them to have some typ eof flow or contrast or SOMETHING. not just a list of songs.

yeah...that's what i was talkin' about.

welcome back to the blog world kix

doubt you even read this anymore.



back to evanescence playlists these days...and freebird *shrugs*