hey jealousy

it's interesting to me how after "deciding" to myself that i don't want her anymore, i'm still jealous of seeing her with someone else? the most sense it makes to me is that she didn't choose me. i wasn't enough. i didn't work for her. in the end i think i decided first that i wasn't happy, but i think that's only because she was still hoping i was what she wanted me to be; when i wasn't.

and she'll find someone one day. someone who fits better. someone who has all the qualities i don't have. feels better. works better with her.

and once upon a time i wanted that to be me.

and i'll be jealous.