boredem has always been amusing to me. for the first time in about four weeks, last night and today have been filled with boredem. i have nothing 'really' pressing to finish, and everybody else seems to indeed have shit to do and/or not enough energy to go out and do anything, so i'm left alone in my own crapulence....my own thoughts, desires, motivations, etc. last night i picked up my guitar for the first time not-at-practice and jammed, and i loved it. usually when i consider it, the process of setting shit up and the constant threat of making too much noise (it's inevitably late at night every time i consider it) usually deter me from playing very often...but when i do, always love it. it's funny how hard it is to weigh hapiness with lack of motivation...it seems like they should be directly related but somehow...not...i keep searching for some sort of denial factor in my supposed enjoyment in things like guitar, but every time i overcome my lack of motivation, i do indeed enjoy it. the next time, however, i'm still faced with a lack of motivation.

my rough conclusion so far is that i really am a lazy mother fucker. for one thing, it's easy to do work when i'm stressed by time and shit. it must be done, and when i wait 'till the last minute, my circumstances decide for me. secondly, it's easy to get out and do something fun/healthy (excercise, see the city, do something interesting) when there are people to do it with. the added company and the second party's dependence upon your timeliness/motivation/company are usually more than enough to get my ass up and moving.

hmm...i typed this a long time ago and my parents called and forgot this was here...i'll read it later and continue (perhaps).

peace for now

but you're jess