lines

where are the lines when you break up with someone? when do you stop trying to explain. when do you swallow those lose ends and keep them to yourself for the sake of...i dunno...closure? simplicity? clairty? progress?

inevitably always "so many things left unsaid"...

time to think solo helps to distill these loose ends. focus them. amidst common friends, activities and venues, however, solo time may be hard to find. the feelings don't fade quickly when they're constantly reawakened.

unfocused.

inadequate

feeling that way again in my life. maybe it has to do with hearing a second person i care dearly about tell me i may live out my life alone. i entertained the idea after the first time i was told that, years ago, and agreed in the "may" part. but there's definitely a hope that i won't. what i did realize is that i can't force certain things about me. and for years now...i've had an empty feeling where i think my heart used to be. and it hasn't been filled yet.

given nearly everything logically corresponding to what i want in a girl, i couldn't feel the way she did about me. showered in caring, generosity and love, my heart followed so slowly in the distance, dragging behind through heavy sand.

she thought she was, but i think i'm the one that's broken.