Burn it Off

my self-inflicted panopticon failed.

4.30.2003


mental masochism

a break from the mental masturbation.

THESE NEXT TWENTY FOUR HOURS are going to be a test of strength, courage, intelligence, and mental cohesiveness under severe sleep deprivation. i took a 'nap' today which was about a half hour...but unfortunately i DIDN'T FUCKING SLEEP because some ass hole called me up to try and sell me a magazine. they're real good now, they start off by telling you that you've been selected as a finalist for some big monetary prize. i asked "what's the catch" within thirty seconds and he said, promptly, "no catch!" and then proceeded to offer me more good stuff, and then said that 'to help them give me all this' i have to buy a magazine subscription for a WEEKLY 3.50 magazine for 48 MONTHS. i didn't wanna do the math but that's a lotta fuckin' money i DON'T want to put on some BULLSHIT DRAWING. i was so pissed off...i don't know why i even decided to listen to him. i asked him to clarify whether or not i was required to purcahse this for the drawing, he said 'yes' in far too many words, i said no thank you and hung up. fuckin' ass hole

AND THEN I COULDN'T SLEEP!!!

shit. so in the end i got five hours of sleep last night, after getting THREE the night before and no naps....and now i'm going to pull an all nighter to start the hard part of my project due next tuesday (i've done most of the easy shit), do a pset due in eleven hours, and write a paper due in about eighteen. it's 10pm and i'm guzzling my second cup of coffee before i head to cisl (EE computer design lab) in mudd, then to golf at midnight, and then hit that pset...and possibly go back to cisl....or do more work here on my proejct...or do my paper.

it's gonna be spectacula! i'm invincible. i'm gonna fuckin' tear my hair out. i'm going to kill something cute.

i'm going to eat blood.

hear me roar.

meow


rime

so much work to do

but such a beautiful day

so i was a great big fool

and put it off 'till may

*

mm...yet more free food tonight! this'll be 3/4 this week. amazing


oink oink


swell

hahaha, i get surf alerts from hawaii (email notifications) and the first big south swell is heading towards hawaii baby :) it begins! some storm off tahiti and new zealand sent the surf north instead of the usual east. oh god i can't wait to go back!

: (

museum in baghdad stripped


bliss

ahh, it's that time of the year again when i get to look for plane tickets home : ) always a nice feeling to look for airfares to HNL (honolulu international airport) and ignore all the hotel deals and tourist traps. haha, i'm local baby, i'm going home. inevitably i always end up talking to some old woman on my 5000 mile journey and get to tell her that no i'm not just going to hawaii on vacation, i'm going HOME to hawaii on vacation : ) it's a nice place to be from.

on the other side, i have no idea when i'im coming back to nyc yet....i'll probably come back early, chill in the city for a few weeks, drink some, play some, sleep...lots....so yeah, i'm debating what to make my return date. although i can always change it for fifty bucks : )

aight, i need like a pot of coffee or so...would be nice. i'm outa here...one class....and hopefullly a lot of work to be done.


chianti

4.29.2003


divine interfuckingmeover

**********************
kuumomimakamae: the little ad thing on my buddylist keeps flashing "gilmore girls tonite.... will jes get what he wants?"
kuumomimakamae: i asked it, well shouldnt you find out what jess wants first? what DOES jess want? and how am i supposed to know if he get it?

Auto response from The Firephile: better off dead

in a thong!

kuumomimakamae: but it doesnt care what i say... it goes right on flashing it
kuumomimakamae: so now i'll shut it off and go to bed. goodnite jess.
**********************

if i knew that, why would i ask so many questions all the time? why would i think. why would i live. why would i...why would...why....whyy.....

oh god. now i have that god-fucking avril lavigne song stuck in my head. *irritating voice* 'why you gotta go and make things so complicated, blah blah blah'

only one way to combat this one.....

RAMMSTEIN


cross continental blog?

seems cool...some group named 'friendsters' is trying out one of this 6-degrees of seperation thing....instead of clogging everyone's emails though, i'll post it here:

friendster

my ID is on that link, so just click it and fill in the info :) pleeeaase? drew recruited me. it sounds pretty cool, i'm interested to see where it goes.

noodles




pattern

thinking a lot about my life today for some reason, and something i always think about is how interesting i really am. i mean, i think i'm the most interesting person i know ; ) but i wonder what others think. if you've followed this crapulence from the beginning, i've written a few blogs about how much of an introvert i used to be before and during most of high school. somwhere i broke out of there but deep down, i'm still most interested in myself. i feel like i'm kind of contradicting myself when i think about how i like throwing my life out for others to see...making it seem like i crave the acceptance of others, but at the same time i feel like i just don't care. i can't tell if i'm in denial and 'throwing my life out there' is my way of asking for attention, or if i'm 'throwing my life out there' because i really don't care what others think. "don't care" is probably a bad phrase because i do value the opinions of my friends...hell even strangers i guess. i mean the opinions of others are what i use to (i think) improve myself and make myself, in my eyes, better depending on my level of agreement with these opinions and judgements i get. so in that sense i do care. the real "don't care" part is that i have no problem taking criticism. well...i do have some problem with it, i'm still human, subject to denial, humiliation, and offense...i think just less than others. i've referred to myself as cold-hearted more than once becuase it's very easy for me to turn inwards and feel invincible no matter what the circumstances.

so like i was saying....i have a lot of very odd interests, and a very odd train of thought that doesn't always make sense...and i think this may make me just....boring to some people, or many people. regardless, i'm still happy with myself. before writing this, in fact, i was lying on my bed staring at my ceiling with a single blue 60W lightbulb on pointed at the wall...and i noticed a really cool pattern on m ceiling created by a bunch of patio lights outside (below) my dorm window. i considered marking the pattern on the celing with a pencil or something contemplating if anyone after me (unfortunate enough to be locked in this little shoebox) would realize what it was i had done. then i tried to put myself in the shoes of most of my friends and i found my self giving myself (the real myself) a look i'm all to familiar with seeing...that confused..."wtf, leave me alone you freak" look. and i laugh. perhaps that's my way of hiding. maybe i'm subconsciously CREATING this weird thought precesses just to obscure my true self so that i can never really be found....in which case everything i'm doing to try and be open, honest, and free of shame crumbles like stale bread under the hooves of a pygmy horse.....

this little kid saw me today with my pair of giant poofy pigtails (compliments of sai) and red mirrored shades and just staaaaared. it was really funny. i smiled....his parents were staring too i realized....

i also saw a clown today too. she was at the free dinner....i mean kid's petting zoo....on lehman lawn. no clown shoes, but she had red shiny celophane hair, red polkadot overalls, and the usual clown facepaint. she didn't look to happy though, i think she was tired. she was on her way out (beat me out the gate). i thought we might make a good couple :)

*splash*


mental masturbation

mmm....masturbating my ego....always fun (messageboard). thanks christian ; ) always there to put me in my place, old fart.

well, i'm officially addicted to blogs. i'm really just a bump on the road in this plane we call real life....i go to school, i sit at my computer, i play some sports, i eat a lot, i sleep a lot, and i sit at my computer. my room's pretty much a shoebox, so i either sit here or on my bed....but yeah. i have a list of 'buddy blobs' that i check at least three times a day....sometimes going two or three days without finding a new post in ANY of them. i've also started a 'random blogs' list that are just blogs i enjoy reading...so far all in nyc (3). they're all very personal ones that are kind of along the lines of mine posting 'everything'. i was talking to skarfin about this last night i think, but it's interesting just to see how different people deal with having public exposure at their fingertips. some people (like me) just take it as an opportunity to let my mind wander and my mouth (fingers) follow and document it. others, however, use it as a chance to just try and be interesting (often succeeding) by posting interseting links and pictures....can be fun, but i can surf for myself if i really just wanna find a picture of a cow stuck through a car windshield.

the personal ones are like...a reality show that hasn't sold out i guess. these people just tell you about their lives, and leave you to make the judgement. they have little motivation to lie, really, because they can simply leave it out, and nobody will ever know. some of them don't even have contact information, so the stalker-factor all but vanishes....it's just an outlet i guess. i like it that way. i don't see why anyone would ever wanna stalk me, so i don't really care about giving out rather tell-tale information about myself, and it's mostly friends that read it anyway *shrugs*. more power to them. i think i lost my train of thought....a bit.....

classtime anyway...

the random will rule.

4.28.2003


food for the fire

sai (11:46:49 PM): please don't get a potbelly
The Firephile (11:47:33 PM): and what, might i ask, do you have invested in my skinny ass?
sai (11:47:53 PM): i don't want it to go to waste
sai (11:47:55 PM): it's a nice ass


The Firephile (1:11:10 AM): are they good pictures at least?
amanda (1:11:34 AM): yup
amanda (1:11:45 AM): you've got a cute ass >:]


i'd rather not post their screenames without their permission, just in case. just thought i'd immortalize these quotes since they don't fit in my AIM profile....

thanks girls ; )


capitalizing on sloth

so i planned on gonig into work today 'cause my boss foresaw a busy day....so i call up before i'm about to head down and turns out they had it covered and i was free to do my work that i would've crammed in tonight.....so i went on south lawn at 3pm after putting >>>>>>>>>>
that crap into my blog (took a while....they keep putting tables in tables in the blog template so i kept getting confused). i suppose sometime i'll put something cool in there and explain the panopticon.

saw lots of cute girls today :) i love chillin' on south lawn for hours on end...mirrored glasses are really nice 'cause nobody knows where you're looking! yeah, i guess it's kinda sleazy, but hell, some look back ;) of course that may be because i have a blood red lion's mane blowing in the wind behind me a red/orange/yellow mirroed shades with no shirt and no shoes.

kelsey's taken to calling me one of the 'campus characters'...you know, those people who are always just....around campus that you 'know of' but have never met and may never want to meet. *shrugs* i guess the attention is fun.

bon bons

evolution

i've decided that i'm going to start titling my blobs. it came to me when i was reading some random blog (i've taken to exploring the 'most recent blogs' list on blogger.com just to discover interesting people) and some girl had the most random fuckin' titles in the world. either way, it reminded me of all my weird signiatures...candy, greetings...gibberish...and i really do like opportunities to spew the first thing that comes to my mind. do you like my signiatures? i'm very proud of them. my blob content is a BIT more thought out (albeit not much) but signiatures, that's straight outa' my ass.

so, expect more arbitrary noise at the top of my blobs :)

booger.

dude, i have to get revenge of the nerds.


4.27.2003


so i just found something to get excited about for next semester....LASERS! there's class in the ee department called 'fundamentals of photonics' that deals with all kinds of shit like lasers.....sweetness :)

unfortunately i may not be able to take it because of a schedule conflict with something i'll probably hate anwyay: solid state, microwave, and fiber optics lab. perhaps a BIT interesting...but nothing like LASERS!

muahaha. i'm fighting it, i'll keep you posted



i have two theories as to why i feel like such ass right now, meaning i'm eating like a fuckin' bear waking up from hibernation, and sleeping like a bear IN hibernation:

1) i have a tapeworm.

2) i'm pregnant.

that bitch!!!



i'm really not made to do work under no pressure. i have a project due next tuesday (may 6th) that's....pretty long and involved...but whenever i sit down to do it, i keep cutting the 'estimated time required' down and justify to myself that i don't have to be there...like today. i figured out a lotta stuff and got a lotta prep stuff done....in about three hours or so...so of course i meet austin for lunch on the steps and toss 'till 8pm. and now i'm faced with a complete lack of energy and my eyes are burning. the obvious solution? take a nap! of course! so i think i'm gonna go do that. i all the sleep i missed through this entire fucking semester is catching up with me across these three days....i don't get it. i'm sitting here typing after tossing and my forearms are getting tired.....

i ate a lotta bacon today

4.26.2003


holy crap i'm useless. when i wrote that last post, i went to sleep soon after. i woke up at 8:30 and had some dinner/tv with austin...i just got back from watching pretty woman and more depressing news about this god forsaken country. now...i'm going to watch a movie. because i suck. i've already slept 15 hours between midnights...and i'm tired again....so i'm really not in the mood to start studying.

i've had these two movies for like, two weeks already and haven't had time to watch them. that's all over now. i'm watching them, damnit. or at least one for now: *batteries not included

i'm all for alien robots and jessican tandy openin' up a can'a whoopass

i like pigs.


dinner at liu's was amazing....too bad i get to come home faced with projects, papers, labs, and psets on a dreary saturday afternoon. ugh, i hate this shit.

oh well. i think i might nap, or watch a movie, or both....or less. god damn i'm useless. i left my heater on when we left (it wasn't on) but they turned it on sometime befre i got back 'cause my room is GREAAAAT! haha. i love when even my walls are warm. always good stuff. so yeah, nothing much to say...had some other ideas about my panopticon but i'm not in the mod to write 'em right now. i'm not stressed enough to need a blob break yet.

worm.

4.24.2003


a small thought on panopticism i've realized. i can't rightfullly create my own, flawless panopticon here for one fundamental reason....let's see if this makes sense. it's a two step argument....that i think works, tell me if not...but i cannot tell everything i think and feel because a lot of it depends on all kinds of secrets and hush hush things i know about people (including friends) that governs a lot about what i think of them/things blah blah. so i can't be completely open. this is where it got interesting for me though....if i think that everything should be known, and panopticism is my key to moral freedom, then why don't i just be completely open? the reason that i can't be is because i'm kind of half-delving into the panopticon and i'm being half-forced into my understadning and belief of morals, and i can't justify hurting my friends, or people i don't know, or betraying their trust. i could do it, but then i would fail to get close to anyone because they would be afraid of my panopticon. if they tell me, they tell the world, so they wouldn't tell me. the world's not ready for a panopticon, and until it is.....i can't have mine.

i value my friends, and i wouldn't let my experiments like this hurt them if i can help it. should i wander into something you'd rather i didn't (pertaining to you), tell me, and it ends. i'll try my hardest to use my best discretion.

yeah....i think too much when i'm supposed to be sleeping, no wonder i'm an insomniac


damn, that was a cool ass show. 'mingus big band' at fez, definately a good time.

unfortunately i'm tired as fuck now....*yaaaaaawn* work tomorrow, then turkey!!!

don't look for me 'till saturday.

stick.

another pretty fuckin' cool day. when on a fuckin' MADHOUSE of a blade around manhattan. Christian already blogged it so i'll save myself the trouble. Not like i really run out of shit to babble about.

but yeah, amazing trip, rivals my old adventure with rudy which was 13 miles, i think we at least went 15 today..maybe more? who knows. i love nyc in the sun. my back wasn't feelin' so hot after i cooled down though (all still better thanw hen i'd started) so i decided not to go to ultimate practice tonight. meanwhile, my band practice got cancelled without our knowing too 'cause some mother fucker went and gave the room to the business school for some crap show from 5pm -12pm. dicks. oh well...gave me time to....vegg. woulda' been nice

and now i'm just waiting around 'till we leave to see the charles mingus band downtown somewhere for our last jazz concert report. fun fun :) amcaff perhaps? later tonight?

peace

4.23.2003


quite a good day, i might say. my wednesdays are usually decent...starting with the fact that i only have one class that i rarely go to. *grin*

after classs i met breifly with my advisor to discuss that list below in my last blob, and afterwards i worked on my sinals pset at 3pm after eating leftover kfc for lunch with austin. I DID A PSET AT 3PM. i'm so proud of myself. the only reason i started it so early was because we were going to a free movie at 5:30pm. 'the italian job'....the BEST heist movie i've ever seen, i'll have to say. after that i came back and finished up the pset, a whole hour early (11pm) and went GAWLFING. big crowd today, i won't bother listing them 'cause if you weren't there, you should've been there. and if you left early, then you just suck (you know who you are). amanda brought her little sister too, and she squeals just as much as amanda...just with a different tone, very odd, but consistent. you could get a little chorus going tickling the muppet family, heh. girl wouldn't shut up though, jesus :) (amanda, if you're reading this, sorry!.....and don't read this next part)

it's a good thing she was hot ;) too bad only 15 though....

but back to my timeline....golf rocked. it was quick...i'm kind of amazed we kept the momentum with such a large group, but it was brisk, i liked it. good to be a bit speedy when the wind's as lickin' at your disc. and, after golf, we got to koronets for the last pie'a the night. ooooh so good. no better way to end the night.

although i'm not tired yet...and i have no alcohol.....bah.

i guess i'll vegg for a bit.

talk to me


class schedule thus far:

-VLSI (very large-scale integration) which is gonna kick my ass...but should be good education
-Analog Electronic Circuits....weeee!
-Signals & Systems II (crrrrrrrrrap)
-Solid State, Microwave, Optics lab (crrrrrrrrap)
-Data Structures in JAVA (crrrrrrrrap)


that's eleven credits so far. i'm fighting to get a tiny break on my non-tech requirements which has the potential to make my life a lot easier...and give me the opportunity to concentrate more on the classes that i am taking (riiiiight). no, really.....

oh well...as it is it seems i'm going to spend Fall 2003 in one of three different computer labs. all semester. i better invest in some batteries and a good pair of headphones. i've found that with some music (carefully selected) i can pretty much sit in front of a computer forever....kind of dangerous. i suppose some day my eyes will just get a hole burned right through them...although i'd still be able to listen to music now wouldn't i?

cadburry eggs

4.22.2003


btw, today i put my hair in two cute little busy pony tails. one of my floormates thought it was "sooooo cuuuuuute" *whiney girl voice*

i like the attention


wow, it's been a while since i played guitar...my hand is definately not in shape for it. when i play (for those of you familiar with guitars) i like to play with a lotta slides...and mostly sliding of barred chords. so throughout a song, i'm applying enough pressure to hold down all the strings AND sliding my hand up and down the neck....so the strings can really cut into your fingers. my callouses got a bit soft in the past few weeks....but it shouldn't take long to get them back. of course we only have like two or three more practices 'till summer, but whatever....

i think i have 'tequila vertigo' arranged now, i just have to write verse lyrics (i have the chorus). i like the way it's coming :) i'm gonna have this running through my head for a while now.

lately i've been sifting through all the old media on my computer. i have over 150 music videos that i've collected over the past couple years, so i just put them all on shuffle and watch them....i'm easily amused enough that even though i've seen all of these at least a dozen times each, i can still sit here for an hour or two watching them....i love my useless life. chang is always so perplexed as to what i do when he's playing video games....'cause i sure as hell aint' studying. well....i'm just easily amused.

things i do when i'm bored:

stare at my room and think about cleaning it
blog
email
IM
newsgroup
blog
red blogs
play guitar
think about playing guitar
think of lyrics
not write lyrics down
watch music videos
listen to music really loud on my headphones
while staring out the window
contemplate all the things i have to do
while staring out the window
find more music videos
read away messages
check peoples' blogs again
check boingboing.net
blog more
stretches (for my back)
ab excercises (for my back)
think about stretching and excercising
blogemailIMnewsgroup again

yeah...you see the trend (did you get this far? hah)

i think i'm goin' to sleep soon, peace


hahaha, there we go, i'll put that thing right in your face.

WEB BOARD!!!!

>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>


shit man, cleaning my room is a fuckin' pain in the ass. took me FOREVER! of course i was doing it while i was waiting for laundry, but it turned into a three hour job. apparently i have carpet...interesting. whod've thought!?

so yeah, my place ain't such a shit hole anymore. still a few piles of shite, but that's to be expected i suppose. woke up this morning to go to my 9:30am...went back to sleep and got up at noon. finally overhauled my resume! whew. i think it looks a lot better now, thanks to the big bro :) maybe i'll actually figure out wtf i'm doing this summer now....

as for now, i'm hungry, and i have a lotta class left in the day so methinks i could use the energy. i unfortunately played a bit too much last night at ultimate practice and my back ain't feelin' so hot, so i'll have to rest that for a few days. three days in a row of some hardcore excercise, saturday, ultimate, sunday, bladage, monday, more ultimate. fun fun...my fuckin' groins are tight. never fun.

aight, i'm out, peace grease


4.21.2003


holy shit, i just started SO much laundry. i walked down there with two laundry bags, a plastic bag full of ultimate socks/shirts, and a pillowcase full of sheets and towels. daymn. my arms were getting tired just carrying it to the elevator..it's gonna be great folding all that shit two hours from now...shite. i manged to hold out from way back before spring break :) a week before spring break, in fact....i'm a disgusting human being :)

i guess this is my cue to clean my room.

bug me, i'm cleaning.....almost worse than studying

mmm...good lyrics from my 'one hit wonders' folder:

the tick tock of the clock is painful
all sane and logical
i wanna tear it off the wall


'inside out' - eve 6


pretty productive today, although i didn't really finsih that pset this morning...turned out to be harder than i thought it would be. oh well, it's in, nothin' i can do about it now.

actually started on my end of the year project too for analog filters (my graduate hell class). mostly just figuring out 'what' i'm going to have to do, i didn't actually do anything. i actually did do part of it on the last homework that i didn't 'have' to do (making a subcircuit out of this ugly thing) so that'll make it a bit easier...unfortunately i was implementing it wrong and spent about two hours figuring out what on earth i was thinking....

ate some, watched some 'ready to rumble', went to ultimate at 6:30, played mini wioth 7 peeps, then fours ultimate with 9. it was brutal, but a lotta fun. by the end we were just crap, but it was a good excercise on our short game. and now i think i'm finally going to do some laundry and overhaul my resume....yeah...SO late, i know. i suck, i don't know if it's even worth it but i suppose it can't hurt.

all after a shower and maybe some food...movie? shite...i suck. arggggg. why can't i work!?

so lazy.

post on my web baord (bottom)! give me something else to procrastinate on.....

4.20.2003


heh, i just remembered something pretty funny that happened today at central park. a few posts back i was listing things i like and one of them was 'little kids staring at me'....well today at central park i was laying down with my red mirrored glasses and (in case you haven't seen me in a while) blood red hair and some little kid accidentally threw a football near me and almost tripped on me from behind....
well catherine, amanda, and sai all laughed at the same time when i had no clue what was going on (he was behind me) 'cause apparently he just "had no idea what to make of me" as catherine put it. she tried to reproduce the confused face he made but couldn't stop smiling. i felt all warm and gooshy inside :)

i think i'm gonna sleep more....

'night



aight, sqwakbox is gone (commenting service) from my page. from now on you can use the web board at the bottom so everyone can see! i'm curious as to how well it'll work communication-wise as it doesn't have any type of time stamp or way to show 'what' exactly you're commenting on...but hey, it's kinda fun...it's just a normal discussion board. of course now i'll probably get even less action there.... (hint: prove me wrong).

blading was really nice today. i think i'm going to do that after every tournament i play after :) i woke up this morning and almost didn't wanna get outa bed, but after blading, my muscles are much more stretched, and my back even feels better. i'm a bit clumsy since i last went blading (well before christmas) but i managed not to kill myself, even with the usual crap i'm always trying. hah. sai was getting all motherly on me, bah. she gave up after she realized it was just pointless though :) i never listened to my mom, why would i listen to her? nonetheless, thank you (sai) for caring. in fact, i'd like to take this opportunity to thank all the 'mothers' i have out there. sooner or later they will realize that i am "nine feet tall and bulletproff," as my mom used to put it :)

and christian, wake the hell up next time, damnit.

what a useless day, i love it :)

peace


smooth, check out my web board at the bottom of this page! whatever, i think it's cool. write me something, i'll find a better place to put it sometime....


squakbox seems to be royally fucked up so i'm going to try another commenting system from tag board....we'll see what happens.


going rollerblading today!

i'll tell you how it goes....

4.19.2003


squakbox as a whole is down, so my comments are nonexistent. *shrugs* no word from them so i dunno if i'll be gtting a new service later or not, but if anyone's left me a comment (not getting full of myself, just sending a shout out) in the past few days, i probably didn't get it..

on that note, today turned into QUITE a long day. 6 games at sectionals, and SIX FUCKING WINS. that's right, undefeated. fuckin' amazing. good fun, too. afterwards, me and austin walked down to kfc to get some chicken 'cause austin wasn't feeling like a 'lame, boring group dinner thing'....bullshit. i love those lame, boring group dinner things. whatever though, he and i ate with liu, liu went to bed, austin and i went to matt's and drank some. people slowly started trickling away 'till only a few of us were left....candace wandered closer and closer into our little circle...and of course i got more and more antsy. i bailed with christian, nick, drew and brian white as we were the last there. we were going to try and get into some trouble...climb some shit, find some shit, steal some shit...but every idea we had was thrwarted by homeless people or cops so we bagged it and here i am.....

(going back a few steps) i suppose i'll contemplate this later, but i think i'm done trying to deal with those two ghosts in my life. it doesn't work in my head, and i've left it too long for them to care anymore (it seems) so fuck it. three weeks, and it'll get at least twice as easy to avoid.....and it's pretty easy already. it's not that i hate her, it's that i hate how i've let/made myself feel ABOUT her.

fin

4.18.2003


mmm...i didn't like being around candace tonight. this crawling presence at the back of my mind, the corner of my eye, standing right behind me, but not.....

god i hate that feeling.

good thing the food was good and the company was plentiful. my onions smell like nasty onions. those onions i bought were really cheap, but getting kinda soft. i've never had this problem before of my fingers smelling nastily of partially digested onions or something...it's not very pleasant. i keep thinking it's my breath after i just brushed AND mouthwashed but no, it's my fingers. only my left hand too (holding w/ left, cutting w/ right). weirdness. and now i have a nice large tupperware full of chicken curry...mmm....i'm gonna bring it tomorrow for breakfast/lunch. sai's bringin' that extra roll of bread too. it should be nice. probably beats my breakfast of champions ;) redbull and skittles baby. maybe i'll go get some redbull....west side deosn't have anythough.

also, my comments aren't working for some reason, wassup witdat?

not like i ever get any....


my dvd's came in!

Batteries Not Included (Steven Spielberg, Jessica Tandy)
Better Off Dead (John Cusack)

very happy. haven't had a good opportunity to watch them yet though *shrugs* there's been better things to do....like sleeping for NINE HOURS; so nice.

bit of a predicament. earlier this year i started an email list that i called "the princeton eating club". the name was a joke, but i just wanted a list of people that we could email for sometime when we were all free and wanted to get together to cook. i posted on the newsgroup to ask who wanted to be on it, and got it off the newsgroup so as not to clutter it, 'cause i do that enough already. either way, there's like twenty or so people on it, and we usually get between six and twelve people whenever someone calls something (usually me...hah). either way, on monday or something i called a dinner for tonight...ya' know, day before sectionals (ultimate tourney), good idea to stay together and not be tempted to drink ourselves silly :) k that's usually me.....

either way, this morning sometime matt emails the men's list inviting the team over to his place for a pasta dinner....haha. i guess i'll see how many people ditch me *shrugs*

on another note, stoops sent an email out changing the header to FUCK princeton eating club and wrote out some fight-club-esque rules to match it :) i liked it a lot and proclaimed that it should then be known as 'fuck pec'. very happy with the change :) i know it's kind of exclusive, and shit like this may happen (clashing parties), but i don't want to bug everyone on the newsgroup...i mean it takes about a dozen emails minimum to get these going (headcount/food/personnel) so i figure i'm doing everyone 'else' a favor...and on the flip side (exclusivity) i offered out the opportunity for EVERYONE and ANYONE to be on the list. does this make sense? i think it works......

oh well

4.17.2003



*badoomp cha!*

boingboing on sleep deprivation with a very cool link that tells me why i'm a fucking idiot. how nice :)

apparently being up more than like 15.8 hours is a bad thing, so naps are a good thing. although sleeping 4 hrs. is just as good as 6...or something. i was reading it in a hurry waiting for rachel to deal with the bitch from hell at barnard library. i kinda feel sorry for the woman, but still, she totally wasn't listening to a word rachel said.

aight, food time (thanks to rachel for giving me food : )

peace and cork grease



damn, what a fuckin' insane day yesterday was....sweet

started out pretty shittily, woke up at eight or something, i was in the lab by 9am. stayed there straight 'till 3:50pm when i just madly printed out my (extended) pset...oh it was so sloppy, but i did the big parts of it. there was a bunch of scaling issues i couldn't fix.

now the reason i was in such a rush to get outa' there was because i was meeint karen (ko), liu and eric at 4:15 to to webster hall to see evanescence play (with finch and trapped). that was a great show :) apparently the lead singer's name is amy, she is fuckin' beautiful, and she has a voice to die for. it's like linkin park meets tori amos or something, very cool.

after that, me and brian white got bill to postpone golf for twenty minutes, we hustled back, i got off at 110th to get two fo'tees, ran back here to get my disc and clown shoes, and i was back out again. i caught up with them and joined on the third hole. quite a turn out! the old farts came out (christian, drew, nick, and yang), catherine was already out there, lightshow, wang, upchuck, kix and mara came later, so did sai, eytan yet later...it was a good time. i peed on zeus' face for the first time in a while, threw my disc on uris right after brian had climbed up there....so i climbed up to get it :) my hands kinda hurt from rope burn this morning......

found a roll of duct tape up there and brought it down. at the urn christian asked for it 'with that look in his eye' like he was gonna try and strap me up, so i wrestled him. we eventually realized how stupid this was, wrestling on the pavement with a roll of duct tape, with me in clown shoes, and he gave up (sucka'). eventually i threw a huge hammer on top of the spike....again....and brian climbed up there and got that one down, as well as the last one (blinn's) that i'd thrown up there. crazy mother fucker. saw 'the' ghost. then i threw TWO hammers onto amsterdam, ran down there in my clwon shoes and a rope trailing behind me (wrapped around my shoulder/armpit). the security guards were amused. wrestled drew soon after that. on the pavement. in my clown shoes. he tried to use my rope, wrapped around me, to tie me up. i got him in a cradle :) then his bro came by and i couldn't handle two of 'em...i was too tired ; ) then i wrestled yang. 'cause he also tried to fuck with the rope. i pinned him in a scarf hold. score. then we finished up and went to columbia hot bagel, 'cause koronets was CLOSED. goddamnit. that's one thing about all the debauchery, no koronets afterwards, lame.

an amazing night. you shoulda' been there.

4.15.2003


heh heh, hi kix

get to work!


i just realized something interesting (in a conversation with rachel)....guys rarely get into conversations with me about relationship problems, or if they do, they don't for long. not that i really 'just' realized that, but i just realized why that may be. thinking back to all the 'relationship problems' i've been approached with, i am almost NEVER on the guy's side! how great is that! no wonder none of my guy friends look to me for consolation :)

and then on the flip side, girls seem to like listening to me jabber away....hah

i really must've been a woman in another life, jesus christ.....


for no reason at all, a list of some things i like:

facial expressions; a diversity thereof to be exact
enough candy to get tired of it
sonic serenity
cleaning my ears
watching a disc fly
beer on the steps
beer on the steps before class
comments
rice
playing with my hair
little kids staring at me

...i need more rain to get my work done.......


last saturday at our pickup on riverside, i found (in the mud) a weighted black queen from a chess board. 'weighted' just means that there's a weight at the bottom of it so it's really heavy on the bottom as opposed to the top....it's from a good quality standard type of chess set that i actually recognize. either way, it reminded me of bobby fischer, where he found that marble knight and lawrence fishburne wanted to trade him the baseball for the chess piece and he didn't want to.

and now i want to play chess....it's something i've been into off and on. in high school my brother was the president of the chess club...as well as my ride home (he's three years older than me) so i just joined too since i had to wait around for him anyway. i wasn't good, but i wasn't bad. regardless, it involves a lotta experience, and i'd like to play more. i'd totally like to go down to washington square park some weekend and challenge one'a those guys :) it'd be fun.

so yeah, anyone wanna play some chess with me? or...a lotta chess?

off to sizzle for me

be back late...


happy birthday kix!!!


alohas

4.14.2003


suddenly my life makes sense.


and just like that, i have no more midterms. i think i did pretty well.....happened to be on things i ACTUALLY DID STUDY. heh. that never happens. i really do have horrible luck most of the time, perhaps it's changing? bring on the poker baby....

heh, no, but really, usually if i ever skip just ONE section of a test that i'm supposed to have studied for, almost without fail, that section is on the test. i've been reamed by that far too many times for it to be coincidence. uncanny.

but yeah, i think i did good. not spectacular, unless i really had my head on, but i did pretty well i think. ....that's a lotta talk about some BORING SHIT. i'll stop now.

so i've been clenching my jaws for the past ....maybe ten hours. they're starting to ache. need....food. liu's makin' something. i told him i just wanted rice, whatever he was cooking. i have some weird craving for rice. last night i ate eggs and rice with shoyu....i don't know why but it was very fulfilling. and cheap as fuck :) it was some really old rice and i just decided to make what was left of the bag...and ended up eating it all...guess i was pretty hungry. it was a study break, and it was good for the jaws. theeeeen i took a nap. much longer than i should've :) oh well.

plan tonight is to eat, nap, and see how long i can stay in sizzle (cisl comp lab) before i go absolutely mad. so far 13 hours wasn't enough to kick it ;)

off to do bigger and better things

cheers and beers

4.13.2003


midterm in 9.5 hours and counting. i took a nap, woke up close to nine, and drank two and a half cups of coffee. i'm pretty wide awake and focused, but i've been clenching my jaw so hard that it's hurting and giving me a headache now...meh. sucks. i'm gonna start munching on shit just to keep me from clenching. sai said it's a syndrome or condition called 'bruxia' apparently; i haven't researched it yet. i asked her if she knew anything that helped and she said no. i guess i can either stop stressing myself out (i.e. do shit earlier...hah! laughable) or stop bein' such a pussy.

OR

eat more candy.

will you buy me some candy?

i'm still studying, prolly in the lounge but drop me a line.....

later gator


so, this weekend turned into quite a great weekend....good fun all around. thursday night, after getting free dinner with the EE department at the faculty house i spent like, six hours in mudd doing some ugly computer shit...that didn't work...then i went to amcaff and drank...FAST. i had quite a lotta beer before they finally kicked us out. i was bored and not tired yet, and neither was london and amanda so we came back to my place to watch a movie. london visited duke and liu, but eventually, somehow, she AND amanda ended up staying over in my tiny little college bed....*shrugs* i didn't think we could fit but it worked...(panotpicon, panopticon, heh heh). 'fore you get your hopes up, nothin' happened, but it was still really weird. i told them they were welcome as long as they didn't bite ;) and indeed they didn't.

friday comes along, and i spend a few more hours doing that damn lab....with no luck. in the evening i meet up with austin and we make some swanky frankies :) get a hot dog, wrap it in cheese, wrap it in bacon, anchor it with toothpicks, and fry the shit out of it. jesus christ, heart attackes in the palm of your hands....amAZING. but very tasty. couldn't eat more than two in a night though....
either way, we made them for the pupu party which turned out to be UNREAL. first we downed the bottle of tequila, then the bottle of rum, with some pina coladas floating around too, and then we tanked the bottle of whiskey....we were animals. this was on top of something like fifty beers, maybe. we cleaned the place out of alcohol....then we went to amcaff! haha. this is where my memory disappears. making al ong story short....i puked in a bus boy bin at amcaff, got walked home by liu and rachel (puking once more right outside) and passed out for about six hours. woke up at noon, played pickup at one with corey, rachel, berger, vix, graham, sai, eric, lawrence....that's it. we had nine, playing fours at riverside, so much fun :) wandered through the street fair, chilled on the steps, good times. saw the varsity show that night, good music, but not-as-great humor as before, i had fun. roamed around, watched stargate with eric, slept at five, woke up at seven thirty and played MOORE ULTIMATE!

mom called so i got sidetracked, so i'll finish this up....er..yeah, ultimate was a lotta fun : ) had enough guys for sevens and my back held up for most of the time. i don't wanna mess it up this close to sectionals so i stoppped as soon as my back started up.

well, tonight i get to study for my midterm in electronics tomorrow....WEEEE! heh heh. yeah, not so fun, but i've been keepin' up, shouldn't be too bad....depending on when i actually start studying......fuck


toodles and calamari

4.12.2003


damn, what a great night. i got drunker than i've been in like, two years man! tequila on to rum on to whiskey. yeah, i wasn't in too great shape by the end of the night but i had quite a riot. thanks to everyone who came and made it a party :) i was getting worried nobody was coming for a little while, yeah, i was completely wrong. sweetness. of course now my head hurts and i'm going out to play some ultimate.

you'd think i'd settle down once in a while, but no. i'm an animal. i also have to spend more time on that computer prelab i was doing..suck suck suck. maybe tomorrow, we'll see. i at leasat think i'm gonna stay away from the booze tonight. two nights in a row is a bit much. and a very interesting two nights at that......

peace all

4.11.2003


wow, more than 24 hours (36 actually) without a blob. i'm turning into EVERY OTHER BOOKMARKED BLOG I HAVE. hahah. how come nobody blogs anymore? sad, sad. i still get people checking mine, so i figure there's still interest....i wonder if i'd stop if i never got hits anymore....a sad day it would be. oh well, i guess i could still use it as a diary. i'll print all this shit out periodically and put it in a folder to be read when i'm 35, i'm sure by then i will have grown enough to want to kill the little me.

i was gonna go to work today but my lab didn't work last night so i have to go back (computer lab) to finish it..hopefully. i emailed my boss at like 12:30am and told him i couldn't go to work today (friday).....and went straight to amcaff. a good night....turned out to be quite a long night too (*winks* to a couple special ladies out there).....muahaha

so i found out that a mail filter i put on my cunix account (to filter out penis enlargement advertisements....) was filtering out a LOT of shit. definately more than i had anticipated and my brother was sending me some important stuff all week that i wasn't getting. austin...you suuuuuuuuck. (i don't think he reads this, i'll have to tell him in person). heh heh, he meant good though, but i kind of wonder how much shit i lost....

okeydoke, off to the lab for me, after this cup'a joe.

pupu party tonight!!! c'mon boys and girls, let's do it. post/IM/email/comment interest, please

peace

4.09.2003


so i woke up this morning, and got to class late (~11:15 for an 11am). after class, at 12:15pm, 'till about one, i sit with scott and his friend, phil comes by, karen comes by, sai comes by.....

at about 1pm i go up to the cisl computer lab to start my pset.

it's 2am and i just got back.

'nuff said.

i'm strangely comfortable with it......

4.08.2003

so i got two hours of sleep last night and i'm still pretty wide awake....really....this isn't funny anymore.

some lyrics:

science
brings gifts of convenience
to the modern man
modern man then continues
continues to expand

but what happens when
man creates something oh so wrong
nature fights back in a big way
GOOD HEAVENS WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!

I kept it in a box
i watched it grow a lot
it chewed right through the lock
it ate all the new kids on the block

a scientist
creates a beast
in a secret laboratory
something something something
something something something
that's where we begin our story:

The Cat
With Two Heads
oooooOOOOHHH
the cat with two head
The Cat
With Two Heads
oooooooooohhhh
the cat with two heads......



'sup, i was updating my resume and found this pic in my cunix that i'd ftp'd to myself before i left home this christmas. this was a party i had at my house with some friends, good fun, good food, it was nice to see them again:



top: sole, dumbass, leighton, narcs, landon, michael....or switch those last two (i suck, i know)
next: jordan, elise, thomas!, umi
second: keka, mahea, lindsay, candace, bryan
first: kaipo, guy, nick


i'm done with my midterm, i'm done with my miiiidteeerm *musical spriteliness*

got raped though. nothin' like a fresh reaming at 9:30 in the morning after two hours of sleep and two cups of coffee...

i was gonna have a beer or two to stop this jaw clenching i always get when i'm stressed, but instead i'm just gonna drink more coffee and power through the day...or at least die trying.

post me some goodness


this is going to be one of those weeks where i don't really sleep more than four hours at a time....*wakes up from two hour nap*

i just brewed a whole pot of coffee....and it's all MIIIIIINE muahahahhaa *evil grin*

4.07.2003


curious, what's YOUR favorite study food/drink/oral fixation? (post on 'comment' below...you don't even have to put your name!)

i went to UFM before i went to study and got two big bottles of lamda mango juice, one bottle of white cranberry juice, a half gallon of soy milk, four cans of soup, and two cadburry eggs....

i shoulda' got some lollipops. my all time favorite is gummy worms though, for class too. you can kinda munch on them hangin' outa your mouth with your hands free...fun shit.

aight, hour nap perhaps...perhaps not, we'll see.

cheers


my life this week is going to be absolute hell...so of course i'm going be taking all kinds of weird 5-15 minute breaks to visit my crapmachine here and blob every fucked up idea that comes to my head trying to edge me closer and closer to insanity while slowly decaying my educational prowess.

sweet

midterm, big pset (big), prelab....i estimate about eight hours' work for each of those maybe (including minor brain farts, and perhaps what's less of one is more for another). doesn't sound like much, last one due at 5pm thursday...but....yeah....it's quite a lot.

and i got my first lead on 'something to do' at home this summer....apparentlly there's a sony hawaii and my bro just met a girl who's friends with the president. yay for hookups! (again).....

stay tuned

but you're jess!




despite how little i sleep....i get up early in the morning to do homework quite often. ugh. the worst of both worlds, sleep after everyone i know, and wake up before (often).

i'll stop complaining.

wait, no i won't, wtf is this weather!? jesus. it's APRIL!

to do today: turn in the pset i almost finished (i'm too tired), sleep a little more, do some hspice (lab prep) and start studying for my midterm tomorrow. yeah, second wave of midterms. already.

i'm gonna buy a movie or two today : ) or, order at least. i think 'batteries not included' is definately on the list, i dunno what else yet.

cheese and pickles

4.06.2003


toldja i'd be back

i just got through watching "nightmare on elm street 2: Freddy's Revenge". hahaha. i'm going to get 'em all eventually (two down). i really have a knack for them for some reason *shrugs* for one thing (as i may have mentioned before) it's only one of two movies that have given me nightmares (i was kinda young), the first one to be exact. the other movie is ''jacob's ladder" which i also own. that one's just one long nightmare, freaky.

either way, i was talking to austin, and for some reason he's taken to trying to pick out movies that he feels like i should have (according to my taste) and half the time he's just dead wrong. for instance, today, he recommended that sixteen candles should be in my collection (we were talking about the cusack family), and i thought about it, but realized that i didn't really want sixteen candles...most because it was too popular :) wait long enough and it'll be on tnt or usa or something right?

my philosophy (most of the time), and drew at least remembers this from an early, early blob of mine, is to buy movies that are old, outdated, unpopular, and unlikely to be found in ANYBODY else's collection :) i only loosely adhere to this, but there are some movies from my childhood that nobody i know has heard about, but i love. for example, here's my dvd list thus far...most people look at it and kind of loose interest halfway through....

Flatliners
Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome
Highlander
Legend
Neverending Story
Hook
Big Trouble in Little China
Desperado/El Mariachi
Goonies
Nightmare on Elm Street
Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
Amelie
Jacob's Ladder
Stand By Me
Not Another Teen Movie
L.A. Confidential
Fargo

a rather eclectic mix, i might admit. kind of hard to get a gauge on what kind of movie i like (although some have described it as simply 'bad'). i really do like obscure eighties movies....i don't know how i saw some of them the first time, but it's like that favorite toy you had when you were little. no matter how stupid, childish, and unappealing to any older child seeing it for the first time, it was a part of your childhood that you will never forget. for the past two years or so (right after i really started getting into college) i've really be striving to hold on/reclaim my childhood for some reason. i guess it's kind of a natural progression (regression?) for some....getting old, trying to resist the rip tide.....bah.

*sigh* a stimulating weekend, and another pretty shitty week approaching....

-but you're jess (i got one of those again today. i hatechoo kix)


bah, i just typed a post but blogger fucked up....damnit, here we go again:

so i got sunburned today....damnit. my face did hurt a little, but i thought it was windburn since the fuckin' cold-ass wind didn't stop blowing all day. sucks. really dry air too so it really bit. oh well, i guess i'll live. good show, nonetheless, i had a lotta fun. getting 4X (4X one hour of course) more sleep than i did for yesterday's ultimate definately treated me well. my back felt a lot better too, i guess i'm not as invincible as i used to be (but still a bit invincible, watch out). i'm still outa' shape, but i can keep up with a lotta guys out there still. two weeks 'till sectionals...i'll get on that. when does the weather stop sucking so i can go blading and such? shite.

i was supposed to call lindsay (the yale-x) and tell her how long we were gonna be around too. she said she might be able to come visit. woulda' been nice, but me, the idiot that i am, forgot my address book here and fucked it up : ) i rule. *sigh* oh well. perhaps next time. i was naturally a bit uneasy about it, at the same time as being anxious to see her. can't be helped. fuckin' women, screwin' with my head without even bein' around :Þ i suck so much.

you suck too

i'll probably be back sometime before the end of the night...got a pset but i'd like to chill sometime tonight, movie and such perhaps.

peace and peanut butter chocolate chip chunk

4.05.2003


ahh, nice and clean. my cleats are absolutely disgusting right about now...of course they're still in the same plastic bag i left 'em in. hell this morning was the first time i'd taken them out of said bag since spring break....there was some fine white fuzziness in some places : ) mmm....chia cleat.

i'd like to apologize to all the ultimators who had to wait for my late ass this morning :( so sorry. but here's the story:

i worked all day friday (still my summer internship) from 9-5:30, came back and almost immediately started on my MATLAB, due at midnight which wasn't finished before because eric (my partner) doesn't know how to use matlab and we couldn't finish it before...bleah. so i worked from about 7-12:30 on that crap and was in dire need of some alcohol. luckily i was already planning on going to a 3-floor watt party of a few old friends of mine. it was really cool, i had a good time. the three rooms were heaven, purgatory, and hell; decorated visually and sonically as such. it was pretty cool. i really did just start drinking as fast as i could though. i rarely do that, but i was planning on getting plastered and passing out around two, and waking up for ultimate at 5:45am. instead, as i usually do, i found it more interesting to close the party....d'oh. what can i say. i like the ends of parties.

so yeah, two am turned into four thirty am, and sleep turned into a lumberjack at Tom's. mmm....so good. i even had a cup of coffee because i wasn't planning on sleeping. i get home, post something i thought was cool : ) and somehow end up lying down in bed. now, i'd already set my alarm BEFORE i went out...so that wasn't a problem. at one point duke walked in 'cause my alarm clock was going off, heh heh. i musta' told him something to the effect of 'i'm getting up' and he let me be...at which point i passed out again (i just remember a flash of seeing him at the door). next thing i remember is popping out of bed, looking at my computer clock and it says 6:48am...i start running around getting everything ready, run out the door to brush my teeth and my phone rings, i run back in, it's duke telling me to get my ass there, and so i run, brush, run, grab, run, bus (for a 6:30 meeting time). i suck.

*sigh* and of course now i'm contemplating what to do to waste some time : ) i never did finish freddy's revenge : ) maybe i'll do that. with a beer.

hey, there's talk of a pic party this coming friday, i'm down. comments? hosts/venue/ideas/performers/arrangers?

talk to me

but you're jess!


hey stoops, refer to this post for shit on the panopticon (please forgive me for spelling it 'penopticon' over and over. drew actually thought i'd done that on purpose, as a play on my 'panopticon' being a blog (pen, write, yeah). i thought that was really cool. and really cool that he thought i MIGHT be that clever...but alas, i really was just spelling it horribly wrong 'cause i don't pay attention to shit.

recap today:
slept one hour
played lotsa ultimate in the cold
back's a 'bit' hurt, so i stopped about halfway through
hoping to play more tomorrow
saw two old high school friends
i need a shower

be back soon...

4.03.2003


continuing my tradition to post at least twice a day...or twice a waking period...wait...that would even itself out anyway....enough'a that.

i was havin' a bitch of a problem with accessing the cisl computers earlier this evening to try and do my FUCKING homework 'cause i'm working all day tomorrow...so i had to let out some rage and asked blinn if he wanted to golf, which he agreed to :) it was only the two of us so we went on a fast golf (jogging to discs and such). i was doing pretty shitty to begin with...but then at the spike hole (law) i went and one'd it with a hammer...at least i think so. unfortunately it got stuck on the top (and it was blinn's disc! sorry dude) but i heard a thud that sounded like the spike...so i counted it....and of course to keep the night going, i ran to my secret location and grabbed the least-pigeon-shitted-on disc i could find, scraped it off and continued golfing. at the jefferson hole, my disc rolled in front of that bench by furnald and two girls were sitting there. one of them had picked up my least-pigeon-shitted-on disc and had it balancing on her head!! i couldn't believe it, i felt so bad. i told her, very pensively, that it was a REALLY dirty disc but she was like, oh, oops, and tossed it to me...oh well.

either way, i was at 60 strokes, and about ten feet from the lion head after TWO THROWS, and i fuck it up. instead of threeing it and tying my record of 61 (record set in clown shoes i might add) i fuck it up, bounces over the fence into the bushes, i fuck it up again, and i'm left with 63 (ironically my standing record without clown shoes). good shit, especially since we were rushing :) i had a good time, besides losing blinn's disc. i'll get it as soon as i can man, sorry.

here ends thursday...work tomorrow, then come back and do homework, then party party party, then leave for yale at 6:30am saturday....so few hours 'till then.

i work well under stress

peace homez


i got free luunnch, i got free luuuunch *sings*. thanks to austin's dad. austin's little bro mitch was on a college visiting trip. i've now met five franks (ma and pa, mitch, and...oh crap....holly? hailey? i suck). i hear there's like, three more, still though. more power to 'em :)

what could've been a very busy day turned into an extremely lazy day, and now i'm feeling it. i woke up early this morning to go to my 9:30am class (midterm coming up on tuesday) and i completely intended to do work afterwards. instead i tossed, got lunch on mr. frank, tossed, and watched a movie (mission impossible II)....bah. i had class after that, but i was supposed to hvae been working all through that time, and now i have to go back to the lab at this god forsaken hour on a thursday night because i'm working all of tomorrow, eric (my partner) doesn't know how to do matlab, and it's due tomorrow at midnight, but i have a party to go to...and then yale cup this weekend....

oh god, all the time i wasted. it's amazing, you ease up just ONE BIT and you lose sight of everything.

quote of the day, sean ambrose (mission impossible II): "[women], they're like monkeys, they are...won't let go of one branch until they've got the next one in their grip"

heh heh. you suck.


4.02.2003

heh, someone who called herself 'my mom' commented. this is supposed to be my own little panopticon, but i'm not quite ready for THAT one yet. she would worry too much for no reason. i just wonder who was bored enough to visit my blog from a cnet terminal in harltley....(stoops? any barnard visitors this evening? waiting for you to come down and sign them in?)

so me chang and skarfin worked for like, close to five hours i think on our signals pset and we finished it. and we understood it all. good feeling, but damn i don't know where i found that motivation (there was some chinese foodage in there somewhere, so maybe just a bit over four hours). very proud of oursleves : )

turns out i'm gonna see my friend from high school at yale this weekend. she plays for BU women (apparently challenging NYPD too, heh). hopefully i'll get to see her. also got the yale-x roamin' around, fun fun :) i took the pussy way out and left her an IM message while she was away telling her i'd be around (again, guessing she doesn't read this). no response yet *shrugs*. what can ya' do?

i've had my song going through my head all day : ) i'm kind of excited to see how it sounds with some other intstruments...haven't had enough time to arrange it better though, maybe christian and skarfin can help me with that tomorrow.

and stoops, comment away :)

peaceall


ever hear the song 'boom boom boom' by the Outhere Brothers? pure genius. either way, i was playing that (loud of course) and two girls and my floor were apparently dancing outside. haha, if you know it, it's a horrible song, but so great. they also have another famous song called "i want to fuck you in the ass". SO great. the first time i heard it, it was while i was visiting my bro at MIT my frosh year, and one of his friends, as he was leaving with us, turned his speakers out the window and put that song on repeat. specTACular.

just thought i'd share that before i delve into the depths of more math i don't know. ahh.

i was telling skarfin that just yesterday i discoverd that i've been spelling 'definitely' wrong for...pretty much my entire life (definately).....when i was typing my jazz paper. the spell check picked it out and i was surprised at how stupid i am :) i love being an engineer.

alright, work..
peace

hahaha, my life has new meaning. a google search of "fuck surveys" brings up my blog as #7. rather odd, but at least it has the word fuck in it.

i put my alarm too close to my bed today and apparently turned it off at 10am to get up for my11am class...instead i got up at 12:50pm. oh well. ooh, it's nice out.

i'm guessing this has to do with the fact that i was up 'till about five am playing guitar and writing a song i'm calling the name of our band: "Tequila Vertigo"
I wrote something for the verse, but i'm having trouble tying it into the chorus, which i really like. I put capitol letters for each chord change (the G on vertiGo being the first chord..."might have Tequila Verti..." are pickup notes, probably sung while the band is silent):

************
...might have tequila vertiGoooo (go!go!go)
I must've put on Quite a goood showwwwW
'cuase i woke up next to A hot chick that i don't Knooowwww

and i think i mighta' had a mighty Good time
her lips still taste like Lime
He's the devil in a Bottle but his deals are quite diVine
************

at the end it goes into a quite little picking interlude (dizzy sounding) and then i have to figure out the verses. i'm excited :) this is the first song i finally got myself started on in a while.

aight, i should do something with my life, peace

4.01.2003


once again, sucking, with nothing to do. i'm actually gonna start playing guitar in a few minutes but i thought you might like to know that (you being me). i just spent a few hours with karen, rachel and dave at koronets and the heights...karen was drunk off her ass from an admission's office party apparently and was quite amusing. rachel and duke were only going to stay at the heights 'till midnight, but we manged to keep them there 'till about 12:40. very proud of ourselves :)

karen wouldn't really stop talking, but in between her circular babbles we were having a discussion about the men's and women's team this year and past years and future years. it's a rather interesting group dynamic. i kind of feel like a tourist in it all right now because i've been detatched from them for so long (back injury). i mean, i didn't play a tournament for an entire year, i didn't practice during that time 'cause i'd get hurt, and i don't practice now because none of the practice times work with my schedule *shrugs* sucks to be me. either way, on the field i feel outa' place saying things, and the group dynamic has changed a lot in ways i don't yet understand. i mean, i hang out with all these people, but before i hung out with them and played ultimate with them also. something got lost along the way...unfortunately it might be all of our immaturity...wait...is that supposed to be a good thing? i dunno, i don't wanna fuckin' grow up. i wanna party party. rachel asked me something along the lines of who i like to hang out with, and i said "anybody," and i really do. i mean there are definately a few people i just can't really hang out with alone, but as long as there are other people around to 'buffer', i really do just love to see other people. gets me outa my own mind i guess...lots goin' on there lately. fuck. i run out of work and have all the time in the world and i can't do anything but wallow in my past again...how does that work!?

i'm gonna try and write a song :) wish me luck!

peace

i talked to some people who are very dissappointed that i am pro war, but things like this still make me sad :(

granted i probably know less than you about the issues surrounding this war, i do feel like too many people are 'anti-war' for the sake of being anti-war. before you get all defensive on me, ask yourself if you're anti-war because you simply think war is a bad thing. if you're not anti-war simply for that reason. more power to you. but (especially after watching the stupid protestors) i listen to some peoples' debates and points, and a lot of the time it seems like they're just being fuckin' stubborn and want to be nice people. i tend to go along with the (perhaps ignorant) idea that if our hard earned tax dollars are going to pay hundreds of government salaries for people to research, document, debate, and decide issues like this, how could it be such a simple choice? everyone seems to have such closed-minded opinions about it that by simply saying "i am pro war" i can immediately lose the respect of people around me. if it were such a clear-cut simple answer, don't you think things would be different?

idiots. stop protesting and take in a stray cat or something.

this is where some of you get mad because you think i'm insulting you for being anti-war. again, if you have good reasons for it, good. i just hate the people who don't even bother considering the other side.

i'm tempted to stick to it just to pick a fight.


hahaha, i'm BACK! stoops isn't though. sucka'.

i rule, you suck.

not really, i'm just happy i got my crapmachine back. i actually wanted to go back and read something this time and couldn't....oh well. i already forgot what it was, maybe i'll remember next time.

on a side note. nobody else fuckin' blogs anymore, damnit

blog!
post!
comment!

love me!

er?