a ton on one testicle

soooo i think i'm a little stressed out :Þ woke up almost before my alarm clock this morning doing an engineering problem in my head/dream and got frustrated...weird. had to come to school early 'cause i have some work to do that i was supposed to do weeks ago that my prof didn't mention. unfortunately that work is here in my lab.

went to the vending machine and got a green tea...took my change and came upstairs. reached for my iced tea and...hmm...oops.

it was still in the vending machine thankfully.

that may or may not have had something to do with the two cute girls walking by. i fuckin' love UH.

it also may or may not have something to do with me going to play poker last night instead of studying. and ultimate.


bah.

squish!

.......BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

Red Meat

kiss me deadly, *ribbit*

well....woke up this morning (thursday) TWO days after talk like a pirate day...and my voice was even MORE gone! i can only speak super softly and really really low. my voice has never been this bad in my whole life...not even after 5 hours of karaoke. if i try and speak too loud or too high my throat's so fucked my voice doesn't even CRACK...it just doesn't really make any sound. just the wheezing of exhaling over dead vocal chords.

hurts like a bitch, too.

too bad i can't sleep yet...fucking grading papers blows...especially when i have no idea what the hell the homework's about! yay switching majors...

and then i have yet another awful fucking day. i think i'm just gonna leave school early tomorrow and FINALLY get some decent sleep. i don't even wanna wonder how much coffee i've had this week. do you think a coffee to sleep ratio would be a good indication of general happiness???

i suppose you could factor beer in there too.

okay, break's over.

twice 'round the deck, once 'round the neck

well shit. that was a boatloada' fun. anybody else out there in cyberland celebrate international talk like a pirate day?

i got my picture taken a few times. one girl even recorded me screaming "ahoy!" into her cell phone to be used as her alarm tone. we closed the bar (didn't plan on staying that long). i think i left my voice there...i hope they kept it in the lost and found.

and today SUCKED.

i did, however, formulate a theory about pirate speak. i'm pretty sure they just talk like that 'cause they were drunk...'cause when i got drunk it just kind of flows out of my mouth so easily! almost as easily as the beer flowed in!!! when i first showed up was a lotta arrgg's and yarrrr's and ahoys, but by the end of the night we were all belchin' some blasphemy in a pirate tongue. can't wait for next year.

jk

avast!

ahoy! me old mateys and wenches and brutes
tonight brings to life more hollers and hoots
than e'er you've seen on this day o'the week
come one, come all if a party y'seek

yo ho, yo ho drink beer and be merry
unless you'd prefer to drink like a fairy
s'long as there's RUM to carry your voice
with only a mind to scream in rejoice!

of tonight of all nights to speak with the fire
to drink with a wonder and wild desire
to savvy the roots vile land lubbers violate
EVERYONE tonight must TALK LIKE A PIRATE!

*****************************************
The pirates of hopu cordially invite you:
Tuesday, 9/19/06, 8pm after pickup.
Magoo's (King/University)
International Talk Like a Pirate Day
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/
http://people.freenet.de/hawkeyepike/

TALK like a pirate, DRESS like a pirate, DRINK like a pirate. you won't be alone.

argggg!
-jess

oxytocin to the jugular

for some reason i have this overwhelming feeling of loneliness these days. i still wonder why i write shit on this blog sometimes but half the time it's because just about everyone who reads it is pretty distant from me (physically) these days. at least...that i know of. i tend to get a consistent ~10 readers a day and i just assume they're the same 10 every time.

either way...i dunno, it's an odd feeling. i used to be perfectly fine doing shit by myself all the time, enjoying my hobbies...a lot of which were very solitary hobbies. but instead i find myself looking for parties to go to, friends to drink with, any kind of social activity, basically. i haven't picked up my guitars in over a month. i haven't surfed in over a week...

i find myself thinking about companionship a whole lot. as i mentioned i was seeing a girl for a little while...and it was a lotta fun. she was a really cool girl, gorgeous, confident, smart....so many things i liked....but the moment it started getting emotional...i just didn't wanna deal with it. i didn't know how to...i was numb. i always try and make these parallels with logic and emotion and logically, the relationship made sense. emotionally, however, i felt like i just wasn't capable of feeling it. did a horrible fucking job of telling her/showing that to her and basically ended up feeling like an ass hole in the end...but in the end i was relieved to have my freedom back (not that she even took much of it from me, she was REALLY cool), and to have only myself to worry about.

and then i find myself reaching out to grasp something else and only find a bottle. not that i want anyone's pity (in writing all this) but i just wanna say it. a friend asked me last night, "do you miss her [tam]?" i told her without hesitation that i miss her every day, but that didn't change the fact that i thought we shouldn't be together. finally believed what tam had been telling me for months, basically. what i'm not over yet is that feeling of companionship. of feeling that there's someone out there who wants to spend their free time with me. to have someone to call after school/work to do something fun with. to look forward to someone at the end of your day. to look forward to SOMETHING at the end of my day.

and all those are probably the best reasons that i shouldn't try and have a relationship. but it's all that i feel will make me happier.


i'm a mess.

junk punt

so i've been all anxious and shit for along time 'cause i feel like i haven't blogged in a looooong time. i take a look and it's been a week, hah! but that is an indication of how much has been going on.

big on the list is me going all green and shit. all that talk about rollerblading to school and such? i decided to FINALLY by a bicycle. $70 off craigslist, piece of shit but works. bought a few new parts already, needs a little tuning/oiling but she's got lotsa life in'er. the old seat was a piece of shit and riding it all last week pretty much bruised my bony ass. i got a new seat, though. one'a those jelly ones with a prostate saver (a crack down the middle). SO much more comfortable...but i adjusted it at too flat an angle and so i busted my balls all day today.

i like it so far. i drove my car 3 times last week, i was proud. of course on saturday night i was too drunk to drive so i caught a ride home from a friend...then biked back to the party house the next morning to get my truck...damn i'm glad i have a truck.

but one'a the big enticements to riding a bike is that it's good knee therapy. riding 15 minutes to school (and probably 10 minutes back...nice downhill start) 5 days a week is a pretty consistent way to strengthen my knee. save gas, sweat all over the place. yay. cars scare the shit outa' me...but i am kind of an idiot on the road, too :) i always feel like a pussy riding on the sidewalk. am i allowed to use turn lanes? haha, i dunno. crosswalks take too long (my sister's gonna freak).

and before you ask, how could i put a helmet over this beautiful hair?

other than that...partying up a fucking storm...barely home, i slept about ten hours all weekend. so stupid, but so much fun. really getting into gear with my studying, finally feeling like i'm LEARNING something. it's nice. i'm glad i'm taking these tough classes, gets my lazy ass working.

so yeah, all in all, very exciting times. i'm enjoying life. feeling good about myself. excercising more, spending less money, blah blah blah. even been drinking less (i really try to save it for the weekends).

of course this past weekend was done up juuuust about right. culminating in a jello wrestling party on saturday night at a friend's house for her birthday. RETARDED. and a lotta fun. and i wrestled two hot little bikini clad morsels in a speedo.

of course the speedo didn't always do it's job in covering my naughty bits. the girls were a little fiesty. i went to leonard's bakery the next morning (on my way to another birthday bbq, the first of two on sunday) and the dude behind me comes up to me and says, "hey man, you put on a great show last night!" i'm like...oh shit, who are you? apparently he's got lotsa pictures, too. um...oops.

*sigh* it's good to be young. and single. i tried seeing a girl for a little while but it was a bit premature. still kind of numb to that little something people call 'emotion'. like oasis says (live forever), "Maybe, I don't really wanna know what ya garden grows cuz I just wanna play." that song keeps going through my head. i'm gonna go download it....

and with that, i'm gonna go play.


*picks nose*

if you were a tool, what oriface....ahem. what?

so added to the list of things i CAN'T do drunk: rollerblade.

especially when it's in front of a bunch of cop cars looking for drunk drivers. i'm not really sure what they could charge me with but yeah, rollerblading across the street inches away from smashing my head into a guy pole probably doesn't fare well. bumps in the road mean a LOT more when i'm drunk...usually i can compensate just fine. the world was not made for rollerblade wheels.

amazingly i managed not to fall all night. IMPRESSIVE. the only times i've ever fallen in the past....i'd say 8 years....was twice in new york. once when i was WALKING on rollerblades up a curb...and there was a huge crack in the sidewalk that i tripped on and fell on a knen. weak.

the other time i fell was trying to rollerblade down a steel kiddie slide that was...maybe 6 feet high. i made it to the bottom fine but the angular momentum imparted upon me by the curve at the exit threw my legs into a rotation around my torso and threw my feet out from under me putting me hard on my ass from about 3 feet up. that hurt.

turns out i can probably blade to a shuttle stop and get to my buidling in about th same time it takes to drive and find a parking spot.

oh and hey, so my recent supertolerance has lately had the welcomed effect of preventing me from ever getting a hangover. how cool is that! justt means i have to have dinner after partying.... *chews beef jerky....*.

i'm done.