Burn it Off

my self-inflicted panopticon failed.

4.28.2004

Neil Sedaka - Breaking up is Hard to Do

last paper


my last paper is fuckin' DONE.

Cochlear Amplfier

if you're interested in the cochlear amplifier. believe it or not, your ear actually makes noise...literally. this one doesn't have the disgusting math the last one had and i THINK it's clear enough to follow.



mm....sweet, sweet success.


out.


4.27.2004

alien ant farm - 1000 days

de ja vu


looked at a pile'a cd cases on my desk that i hadn't given even a glance in the past few months and saw alien ant farm's 'truANT' album...an album i got for cheap on low plaza on one of those fair days. quite possibly the last cd i purchased...either way it gave me an interesting sense of de ja vu just now. when i'd first bought it, it didn't leave my cd player for a long, long time. for some reason....in an instant it just didn't appeal to me anymore...

but the feeling it gave me playing the song 'glow' ("and even with the lights on we'll glow") through my head...it gave me an intense feeling of badd-assness. i used to listen to it a lot studying last semester i think...i can't explain to you how creepy this is right now....but as i sit here at 4am getting ready to do a paper i've been preparing to do for the past....2 hours....i feel ALIVE for the first time i have in a long time.

i think it might be because it's finally starting to hit me that i'm almost fuckin' done with school. i'm about to write my last paper. i have two projects that i'm not yet worried about finishing (we have enough time)...i have three finals that i'm also not too worried about. my money situation's okay. i've got decent plans for at least the next few months and only a few differnet paths to choose from for the months following those...

very weird shit. i sat down to blob about 'wings' when i sat down, before i saw this album. quickly, though:

i regularly look forward to watching wings on nick at nite (ch. 25) at 3 and 3:30am (two episodes). i know it's retarded to stay up that late to watch a show but for some reason i love it. tonight was one of the one's with carleton...he's this senile millionaire who lives on nantucket (sp?) and for donating 10k to a hospital, sandpiper gave him a coupon for a free flight...and by a typo...it was a free flight ANYWHERE so he wants to go to fuckin' Las Cruzes, new mexico (nantucket's off boston, i'm pretty sure). hilarity ensues :) the most charming thing about carleton is that he CONSTANTLY asks the most RETARDED questions...like 'how much do you think this building weighs?' or 'if you got bit by a monkey, what type of drugs do you think they'd give you?'

fuckin' hilarious.

an 11 hour flight turned into a 27 hour flight of it...

and now i jsut wanna sit here and blast my eardrums off ('glow' just came on) w/ my headphones instead of write my paper on the cochlear amplifier (inner ear mechanism that actually adds energy to incoming sound waves...unbelievable, really). i'll destroy my ears, write a paper about it, and then post it....hopefully. stay tuned for round 3 of my horrible fuckin' grammer in an actual paper that i'm turning in : )

it really does amaze me how painful it is for some people to read my shit.


unstoppable.

4.25.2004

jack johnson - moonshine

bump


spent a lotta time this weekend w/ the old folks (drew, his brother nick, yang, christian). good times. no offense, but i seriously need to get away from the ultimate team sometimes.

also, kill bill vol. 2 rocks.

also, seems my entire family has a broken heart right now...

also, i am going home to hawaii after graduation.

also, i need more sleep.



poker?

4.24.2004

martika - toy soldiers

i don't even know


i don't even know where i heard this song first but it was one of those songs that i knew a few lyrics to and spent years searching for when i got the T1 connection offering the opportunity to download these random songs i had in my head.

honestly...who else has even HEARD of this song?

always pisses me off when i have a song in my head and can't find it. luckily google came around to search for even the tiniest bit of lyrics of a song and come up with some answers...i got lotsa those songs now. answered, i mean. so proud.

mikeliu's was niiiiiice. great mini. so much food. such good food. and cheesecake. mmm.. thanks mikeliu :)

i was thinkin' i'd just come home and chillout for a movie or somethin' and passout...but a few minutes after i get home drew calls me up and tells me that he, amanda, nick and yang are chillin' in the area so i shower up and meet 'em at abbey around 12:30am i think.

yeah...check out the time. we noticed the sky getting young above us as we finally left tom's. god times. HOT, HOT, HOT waitress at abbey...of course i did nothing. chanel was at amcaff as well..but there was some large indian party going on and she was bartending so i didn't wanna bother her...instead me nick and yang got three pitchers...ditched the cups and hit it hard. had a good conversation with george as well...he gave us three free shots of somethign that wasn't apple schnapps...we finally got kicked out by the bouncer, even with george's protests...boo. whatever. it was nice. i've got a niiiiice buzz. it was a great fuckin' day.

i'm going blading tomorrow even if nobody else wants to.


*sigh*

4.23.2004

The Ataris - Clara

Gawlf


yesterday was a lotta fun. woke up late. did jack shit. played some guitar. played some ultimate. drank some beer. played some golf. ate some chicken w/ toast.

golf was a lotta fun. i wa sufficiently drunk that i didn't give a shit about..well..anything, really. walkin' around with a beer in hand...we lost two discs i think...not sure. tried to crash the business school party but got kicked out 'cause we didn't have wristbands. i'm a bad liar. nick, drew, christian and yang i think all stole straw hats, though. coming back around i was ABOUT to landshark through the party...but right then this security gaurd comes wandering around the corner and we bailed. that one woulda' gone down in the books...

unfortunately, today i'm just DRAINED. oh well.


alone

4.22.2004

The Ataris - That Special Girl

brutal


man, after a HORRIBLE day yesterday.....i have nothing to do 'till....well...next wednesday i think....amazing.

rather disquieting thing i noticed yesterday...i love street dogs (hot dogs from those little kiosks) and i noticed that the guy had gloves on...and i'm like...hmm...that's nice. but he handles all the money with the gloves as well.

that's pretty disgusting.

not that i really care, just thought you might :)



*woof*

4.21.2004

metallica - unforgiven

gmail!


i have gmail! coool. it's actually a pretty neat setup. i've been used to pine, but gmail has lotsa functionality....shitloads better than aol...

fyi, gmail is google's new email service. they put a link on my blogger login page that i could help test it (as i imagine every blogger is getting the opportunity to). i strongly suggest it, it's cool.

and metallica fuckin' ROCKED. too bad today sucked pickin' up the pieces of homework neglect that went along with the concert. BARELY got my shit done....and i felt like shit in class. and i get to go to MUDD for a good chunk of tonight as well.



food.





4.20.2004

rufio - set it off

steel toe


so i found a good use of my steel toed boots.

FUCKIN' METALLICA CONCERT, BABY.

i'll be back tonight with a sore neck and a broken back, most likely. sweet!!!



tight.

4.19.2004

taking back sunday - the blue channel

DUDE


just checked nedstat (little blue box w/ red line at bottom) and it says i've had 10,009 views since Feb. 10, 2003

that's kinda scary. *looks around* i feel loved...in a kind of creepy way.


daymn

4.18.2004

SR71 - Right Now

baDunkaDunk


sectionals: won.

that was a hard fought (that's a funny lookin' word) tournament...much tougher than i thought it would be. we'd already beaten princeton at yale cup pretty handily...and i was told that rutgers didn't compare...yet rutgers beat us yesterday....boo.

good thing we came back to beat princeton (again) in a tough game that was rather ugly....on both sides...and then to beat rutgers in an awesome comeback game as the wind started pickin' up. we also SHUT OUT three teams (yeah, two of the b-teams...and yeah, the other one cooper union, but a shutout is pretty fuckin' hot in my book :)

i started playing less against rutgers, but as the game went on i wanted some blood and pushed my back pretty hard...i'm gonna spend the next two weeks doing situps :) ow....oooh! painkillers.

oh, and i dropped another pull *smacks*. that's seriously one of the worst feelings in the world. we managed to d them about three times on the goal line, though, and won the point anyway. *whew*. mah boys saved my ass that time. i'm really one of those players who's OFF or ON. i think at yale i was ON ON ON. this weekend? *cringes*. so much crappy play. did some goodness on d, though.

all through the day i was thinkin' about it being my last sectionals competition....*sigh*. i wonder if i'll ever even go to princeton again. found myself thinkin' about pickup back home at ala moana beach park at dusk until we couldn't see the disc anymore. it's a fun crew. ALWAYS awesome weather. i'm not lookin' forward to this season ending at all....but i do know that there'll still be ultimate to be had :)

i've hydrated enough today.

gimme a beer.


boom

4.16.2004

yellowcard - view from heaven

this song's stuck in my head.


funny article on boingboing.net:

clear duct tape!!!

i'll have to steal some.

so i just spent the last...like...twelve hours watchin' "freaks and geeks," this cancelled show that austin bought. seriously just great shit. it's a high school show that's just so awkward and depressing and hilarious and everything you think can POSSIBLY happen to a small group of poor teenagers. dave can't even watch it without cringing...before he leaves the room (chewing on dry pasta...)


i just made a decision. my next gift to myself is gonna be a digital camera. then i'm gonna blog with it.


love?

rufio - set it off

intermission


heh, so i think i really gotta stop partying so much :) that's now two weeks in a row that i got trashed on wednesday AND thursday...no good. not that i really have much else to be doing...but yeah, definitely not good for me. i'm remembering less and less of my nights and i don't wanna be 'that guy'. even though i've kind of been that guy for what, three years? i always find it interesting how when you're surrounded by people...you're not really so sure how drunk you are 'cause you're active....but then when you go to the bathroom ya' know...you're alone just waiting for the lizard to drain and you can ask yourself just how drunk you are :) always fun. either that or finding myself sitting alone at the bar with the waitress when everyone else had left. i felt REALLY awkward when i thought about the situation....too bad i don't remember what the hell we talked about. maybe it was even a good conversation! right. or maybe i was just being really creepy and not leaving :) all possible. i'll just pretend it never happened, haha.

so yeah, today was pretty goddamn useless. took me about four hours to do my laundry. somehow the washers/dryers got outa' sync today and so there were piles of wet clothes waiting to be dried. and then one'a the dryers didn't dry my clothes....like...it ran....but barely did anything. so lame. so i had to dry that one again. finally done. mmm....clean everything. my room really just smelled like ultimate...not so pleasant.

clean clothes. showered. sober. work's done. ultimate's comin'. i'm happy with that.


maybe i just won't leave the suite today :) that sounds nice for now.



introverts

4.13.2004

some album called 'trance addiciton'

hello nurse


so i was helpin' christian test the 'ask hello nurse' addition to their band website (linked at left) and i submitted the following question, and got the following answer from joe, the bassist. needless to say, it brightened a shitty day :)

hilarious:

********************************

> Question: how do you rock so hard?

A stew in not great because of any single ingredient. Remove any one cog
from your watch and it stops working. In the same respect, I cannot point to
a single aspect of Hello Nurse that makes us rock so hard: Hello Nurse is a
gestalt experience.

Perhaps you think that my answer is contrived and obtuse. If that's what you
think, then you're right. If you were to twist my arm for a straight answer,
I'd have to say that I AM THE SOLE REASON HELLO NURSE ROCKS SO HARD!

Some people think that pop-music is led by vocals, driven by guitar and
rocks to the drumbeat. They think that the bassplayer can be just any yokel
who has mastered bipedal movement freeing up his or her arms to play the
instrument.

Those people are dead wrong! These are the same people who call my "bass" a
"guitar" and unwittingly belittle my instrument. Man I hate those people! I
would like to refer them to Adam Clayton of U2, or Noel Redding of the Jimi
Hendrix Experience, or Anthony What's-His-Face from Van Halen - OKAY -
admittedly those guys are all bad examples... hmm. Now that I think of it
the only famous bassplayers in 50 years of rocking are Paul McCartney and
Flea and that lady from The Pixies who later did that other thing.

There's no glory in playing bass. I'm playing the wrong instrument. Well
that tears it, you've convinced me. I'm quitting playing bass and I'm
quitting Hello Nurse. Those guys are holding me back from the accolades I
deserve. Thanks to you I know I'm walking the wrong path in life. I'm going
to tell Mike, Ed and Christian that they are glory hogs!

Seriously, all kidding aside, bassplayers are the unsung heroes of any pop
band, and in Hello Nurse, the bassplayer is THE reason the band rocks so
hard.

I hope that answers your question.

Joe Crespo
Hello Nurse: Bassplayer
http://hellonurse.com/


***********************************




techno and tea

4.12.2004

rufio - don't hate me

loud


so i got ten hours of sleep last night :) that felt really good...minus the whole standing up afterwards part 'cause all my muscles are sore...and my back. one'a my acis tickets called me at 11am (that was 8.5 hrs. sleep) to make an appt. this evening....i went back to sleep 'cause i do jack shit on mondays and slept 'till 12:30. woke up and made some coffee and turned on HBO. i really like HBO in the afternoons 'cause they show good movies that aren't the new blockbusters or whatever new movie they got rights to show and show about three times a night.

today was 'the mambo kings' w/ antonio banderas. i pretty much want to be antonio banderas and i'd heard of this movie years and years ago...something tells me my parents might've liked it? and tito puente was in it, so more motivation to see it. either way, within the first like...20 minutes i thought it was an amazing movie and considered buying it. austin walked in at some point saying he watched it, i told him i already liked it, and he said it just got better....and it did :) very...touching...on many levels. and some hot music, too. once again, i wish i could play better...play ANYTHING better. in time, in time.

i read in a time out article that there're international suppliers who sell absynthe (absinthe, absynth, absinth, absenthe, absenth...i've seen all different spellings) through online websites AND ebay. i think i might get some at some point...research to be done later this week. apparently it's only illegal to SELL it in the united states; but it's legal to buy it, own it, and consume it. more precisely, it' illegal to sell it w/ the main ingredient, wormwood, whose main attribute is providing the mythical hallucinogenic properties of absynth, the green fairy :) so there are knockoffs without the wormood that're legal and most claim that the fun stuff really is mythical anyway. who knows. better indulge in this sin while my stomach can still take it...

"hi, my name is jess kaneshiro, and i haven't had a drink in TWO AND A HALF DAYS!" *thinks to self* but that'll all end this wednesday when another ultimator ripens. weetao!


at least i don't get drunk alone...yet.


transients




4.11.2004

yellowcard - rockstarland

heartbeat


man. what a weekend. definitely got ALL kinds of pains about me now. first of all...and ironically, possibly the most painful, at some point i was either pushed or i just bashed my lower lip into that bar next to the first table we were sitting on at amcaff on thursday...maybe i was looking over it for some reason checkin' out some chick's legs or somethin'? i dunno. either way...cut two little slits (my two front lower teeth) into the inside of my lip and they are DEEP. fuckin' pain in the ass.

especially when i'm playin' ultimate, which is where the rest of this shit comes from. my back hasn't been doin' all that great since spring break. that was a whole lotta ultimate. i REALLY pushed it at southerns...i didn't think i would make it through the entire tournament, but i pushed through and came out intact....but definitely not uninjured. i rested it, but i'm still feelin' it. it's definitely seen worse days, though, absolutely. YESTERDAY at yale cup it felt like shit. last night i got more sleep, though, and it felt magnitudes better today. interesting.

this bastard on yale ran into me yesterday too. we called a foul on each other simultaneously 'cause he was so confident i bit on his fake, took a step, and therefore was not stationary and could not legally call a foul on him (i was d). when in fact, i do that all the time when i think my guy's gonna cut. i hump his leg on the open side right where he wants to go. watch him fake, plant, and let the dick run into me, stopping the play and destroying whatever big plans or play they called on the endzone. i was plannin' on it, and i did it. and he was just a dick. a dick who fuckin' INJURED me too. kneed me firmly just above my knee bruising some tendon or muscle in there. hurts like a fuckin' bitch, but i don't think it's to dangerous too push it so i did. it's already better.

then there's my legs that're all torn up from the fuckin' hard-as-hell fields they gave us. amazing i did get slit open by one of the hundreds of shards of glass....ugh. showers are so painful....like my legs are on fire. oh, and i'm sunburned *throws up hands*. didn't think that would happen...d'oh.

alright i'll stop complaining. i bet you're so happy you go this far :)

regardless, all fuckin' worth it :) i love ultimate. i got a lotta glory on D this weekend....funny how that happened. i kept knockin' discs down deep...that rarely happens. such a GREAT fuckin' feeling to shut guys down for a string of points in a row :)




*finishes bitching*

4.08.2004

yellowcard - only one

FX


slowly gettin' hooked on this new band 'yellowcard'. they have a video on MTV called 'oceanview' that's really cool. the song..video's not too hot...although the chick in it is really fuckin' hot. kind of a whiney band, bitchin' about girls a lot but for some reason i like the tone of it. i can rarely stand listening to grown men sing about women. when i actually had a little band last year i told christian that i wanted to avoid singin' about women altogether :) off limits.

either way, yeah, straight up, tight rock band. they have an electric violinits, too which is cool. usually puts some type of FX on it and he manages to sing backup while he's playing. my sis used to violin so i experienced first hand what a difficult instrument it is to master (ugh...painful to listen to in the beginning). luckily she got really good and developed an awesome ear. she dropped it after highschool, though.

once i get settled down somewhere i wanna get into a band again. that was a lotta fun :) christian, penny, salty, skarfin (although i thikn only christian reads this), thanks for joining me last year. that was a lotta fun. i actually still have a tape somewhere with some crude recordings we did right before summer from salty's 4-track. hey salty, if you're there....any chance i could borrow that 4-track again sometime to get it off the tape? just remembered it. i'll ask him sometime.


meep

4.06.2004

the starting line - best of me

done! (i might proofread it sometime before class...)


this one's 4 pages double spaced. you have absolutely no obligation to read it...some fucked up math in it that even i barely understand....ugh.


Modeling Cochlear Mechanics

The inner ear is one of the many organs in the human body that to this day, in all our technological advancement, is still not completely understood. Through mechanical modeling, however, the many mysteries of the cochlea are being solved, one by one.
As Paul J. Kolston points out in his paper, ¡§The Importance of Phase Data and Model Dimensionality to Cochlear Mechanics,¡¨ the cochlea is an extremely fragile organ. Because of this, real life (or ¡§in vivo¡¨ as Kolston puts it) observation of its mechanics is almost impossible. Lacking sufficient data from observation, scientists needed to find ways to model the inner ear to further their studies and especially to improve technology in treating hearing disorders that inevitably occur with such an fragile organ.
Study of real cochlea has provided accurate responses due to various types of stimulation. The mysteries arise regarding what happens in between stimulation and response. Analogously, one could put an input into a ¡§black box¡¨ and only be allowed to see the output in order to determine what was going on inside. Unfortunately, the output of the cochlea suggests an extremely complicated ¡§black box¡¨.
Peterson and Bogert¡¦s give a good diagram along with an extensive mental picture of the properties of the cochlea in their paper, ¡§A Dynamical Theory of the Cochlea.¡¨ Essentially, the cochlea is a pair of liquid filled tubes (the scalas) in parallel separated by a much smaller tube called the cochlear duct. The cochlear duct consists of very flexible membrane and, of more importance, the basilar membrane(often abbreviated simply BM). The tubes are connected at one end (the ¡§far¡¨ end) where both the BM and cochlear duct end. The ¡§front¡¨ ends of one of these tubes represent the division between the middle and inner ear. One duct is connected to the stapes at the ¡§oval window¡¨, which receives the actual audio signal and transmits it into the inner ear. A flexible membrane at the ¡§round window¡¨ covers the other duct. Simplistically, the two tubes represent one long balloon bent in half. When pressure is exerted at one end (at the stapes from the middle ear), the pressure is transmitted through the fluid in the balloon around the bend where the two tubes are connected, and down to the other end (the round window), where the excess pressure bulges the thin membrane and exerts pressure back into the middle ear.
Branching momentarily from the mechanics of the inner ear, an important aspect of the cochlea is the organ of Corti, an extremely complicated organ stretching the length of the cochlea on the BM. The organ of Corti is where the mechanical signal from the rest of the ear is translated into an electrical signal the brain can process. The entire cochlear structure is coiled up into something that looks like a seashell and nerves run up the middle to get information from different portions of the organ of Corti.
My ¡§simple¡¨ balloon case gets infinitely more complicated, unfortunately. For one thing, and possibly most importantly, the BM is flexible. Pressure will not just be transmitted all the way around my balloon. Instead, at certain points, the energy will tend to build up and transmit the pressure through the BM; therefore giving the organ of Corti (sitting on the BM) the information it needs to process the sound. Different frequencies excite different parts of the BM, so the result is a biomechanical spectrum analyzer for the sound coming in through the stapes.
One of the most interesting aspects of the cochlear response to stimulation is remarkable frequency sensitivity. A pure tone fed into a cochlea results in a sharp, asymmetrical displacement peak in the BM (a good picture of which is seen in Kolston Fig. 7A) which rises exponentially to a peak and the drops off almost immediately (varying with increasing x). This is unlike a simple travelling wave on, say, a string, which would remain periodic on the string (either standing or travelling waves). The reason for this is that in a string, the ¡§wavenumber¡¨ k is fixed. The waves peed c on the string becomes c = w/k where w is the angular velocity and so on a string, the wave speed is constant. In the cochlea, however, because of nonuniformities in the BM width, BM stiffness, cross-sectional area (in scalas), and fluid compressibility, the value of k changes depending on where on the cochlea you are and the frequency being dealt with. The value k(w, x) is expressed in Lighthill¡¦s ¡§Advantages from Describing Cochlear Mechanics in Terms of Energy Flow¡¨ as a measure of the ¡§¡¦crinkliness¡¦ or ¡¥waviness¡¦¡¨ of a wave at a certain part of the cochlea.
It is readily observed in cochlear mechanics that there is a progressive reduction in the spatial phase you get farther from the base. This means that with a pure tone, the vibration is still sinusoidal with respect to time, but not with respect to place. Travelling waves vary according to the frequency, w, and the wavenumber, k. Lighthill uses equation (5):
H = a(x) cos [wt + ć(x)], where dć/dx = -k
where ¡¥a¡¦ represents the amplitude. This equation agrees with the observation that the spatial phase is progressively reduced only if k increases with increasing x indicating that k has the dimension mm-1 and indicates the rate at which the phase is changing (let¡¦s say in radians). Attempting to help visualize this, see the variable k as the reciprocal of the wavelength, given in mm/radian. This means that as k increases to infinity, the wavelength decreases to zero. It would be like taking each period of the wave and smashing it into a tighter and tighter length on x.
Now imagine that as a wave is excited in the cochlea it travels down the BM and k is constantly increasing. This means that as the wave travels, it starts getting compressed. Because of the compression, the wave starts slowing down longitudinally as it progresses along the BM. Lighthill states that the energy propagates at a velocity U = dw/dk (keeping x constant) in equation 4 along with E = (1/2)sa2 (energy) from equation 5 to say that energy flows at UE per second towards the apex. This gives the the equations in (6):
d(UE)/dx = -DE (where D is dissipation of vibrational energy per length) givng
E(x) = [U(0)E(0)/U(x)] exp[-(integral (Ddx/U) from x to 0).
This equation assumes light damping (D) and therefore shows that because the waves is slowing down (U(x) is decreasing), E(x) rises until it hits a ¡§critical layer¡¨ where the magic happens. In this narrow segment of the BM, while U is slow, but not zero, the integral in equation 6 increases without bound (because U is so small) and D, no matter how small, comes into play and dissipates all the energy. Following this graphically, E(x) is increasing up until the wave hits the critical layer and the integral kicks in dissipating all the energy and giving us our asymmetrical peak, dropping off almost immediately.
With such a well-defined peak response on our BM, the organ of Corti is given a very precise frequency spectrum which it can then pass on to the brain and gives us our extraordinary frequency sensitivity. The discussion above shows in one dimension how our ¡§black box¡¨ works to provide the peaking response that has been observed. For simplicity we only considered the longitudinal motion of the wave, though. Rest assured that more complex models exist that add more dimensions to the calculations, starting with hydrodynamic properties in three dimensions which vastly improve the models scientists use today.


cheers!

Eva Cassidy - Ain't no Sunshine

huh


found out you can 'generate an html file' of your playlists in winamp. heh. yeah...still getting my paper together...i'll write it eventually...but here's what's keeping me company:

Rufio - set it off
Rufio - Why Wait?
rufio - countdown
rufio - science fiction
Eva Cassidy - Imagine
Eva Cassidy - I Can Only Be Me
Eva Cassidy - God Bless the Child
eva cassidy - how can i keep from smiling
Eva Cassidy - Ain't No Sunshine
Eva Cassidy - At Last
Eva Cassidy - Autumn Leaves
Eva Cassidy - Bridge Over Troubled Water
Eva Cassidy - Fields of gold
Eva Cassidy - Heaven
Eva Cassidy - I Know you by Heart
Eva Cassidy - Katie's Song
Eva Cassidy - Little Children
Eva Cassidy - natural woman
Eva Cassidy - People Get Ready
Eva Cassidy - Over the Rainbow
Eva Cassidy - Songbird
Eva Cassidy - The Letter
Eva Cassidy - Time After Time
Eva Cassidy - What a wonderful
Eva Cassidy - Danny Boy
Eva Cassidy - Fever
Damien Rice - All Dressed Up
Damien Rice - Eskimo
Damien Rice - Moody Monday
Damien Rice - I Remember
Damien Rice - Prague
Damien Rice - Woman Like A Man
Damien Rice - Volcano
rufio - countdown
Rufio - Why Wait?
rufio - science fiction
Rufio - set it off
Rufio - don't hate me
Rufio - Dipshit
rufio - follow me
Rufio - In My Eyes
Rufio - Like A Prayer
rufio - over it
Rufio - She Cries
Rufio - Still
Fenix Tx - Ordinary World
wise crack - come undone
Fenix TX - Tearjerker
Pennywise - Down under
PennyWise - Stand By Me
Reel Big Fish - Take On Me
weezer - pink triangle
Less Than Jake - Scott Farcas Takes It On The Chin
Homegrown - Surfer Girl
Offspring - Totalimmortal
Fenix-TX - Ordinary World
goldfinger - 99 red balloons
Evanescence - Going Under
Alkaline Trio - We've Had Enough
The All-American Rejects - Swing, Swing
The All-American Rejects - The Last Song
The Starting Line - Best Of Me
AFI - The Leaving Song Part 2
AFI - Girl's Not Grey
The All-American Rejects - Don't Leave Me
The All-American Rejects - Drive Away
The All-American Rejects - Happy Endings
The All-American Rejects - My Paper Heart
The All-American Rejects - One More Sad Song
The All-American Rejects - Swing, Swing
The All-American Rejects - The Last Song
The All-American Rejects - Time Stands Stills
The All-American Rejects - Too Far Gone
The All-American Rejects - Why Worry
The All-American Rejects - Your Star
Evanescence - Everybody's Fool
Evanescence - Away from me
Evanescence - Bring Me To Life
Evanescence - Even in Death
Evanescence - Going Under
Evanescence - Hello
Evanescence - Lies
Evanescence - Missing (Bonus)
Evanescence - So Close
Evanescence - Taking Over Me
Evanescence - Understanding
Evanescence - Haunted
Evanescence - Whisper
the starting line - left coast envy
The Starting Line - A Goodnight's Sleep
The Starting Line - Best Of Me
The Starting Line - Hello Houston
The Starting Line - This Ride
The Starting Line - Forever In A Day
The Starting Line - Cheek To Cheek
311 - Love Song
Pulse Ultra - Never the Culprit
Pulse Ultra - Despot

4.05.2004

eva cassidy - imagine (beatles cover)

dolt


heh...i really can't get myself to do any work when i don't have to. i have a short paper and a pset correction (nobody in class got it) due wednesday....so naturally i don't want to do anything...

good thing i'm wide awake at 3am and probably will be wide awake 'till about 7am when i went to sleep yesterday. and my room smells like ultimate...i should really do some laundry. i really do have a shitload of clothes...but i reuse my ultimate clothes a lot 'cause i don't give a shit what i smell like on the field...or at amcaff or tavern afterwards :) but of course, they do have to sit somewhere in the meantime...i gotta find me some febreeze...

i'm getting fuckin' PSYCHED for these next four weeks of ultimate. i'm one of those people who never really knows who the fuck we're playing, what they're ranked....hell sometimes i'm lucky if i know what state we're going to play in...but goddamn i love this game. austin was going over pools and rankings and shit and all i did was drool. was it last year we matched cornell to halftime? that was hot. i've enjoyed playing with this team this year more than any other year here at columbia....granted i've never played a full year of ultimate...heh. short history:

frosh year, i barely played in the fall because i kept spraining my ankles. i sprained three ankles...one in ultimate, the other in racquetball, and the first one in ultimate AGAIN. so i didn't play a lot of fall season.

sophomore year...spring break...wednesday. i broke my back. i could barely WALK at the end of spring break because i decided to play almost the entire way through the second weekend with a small fracture on the right wing of my L5 vertabrae. i didn't get physical therapy until fall of my junior year...so i missed most of spring, soph year, and all of fall i think...junior year. i played in winterleague last year (junior) timidly....and the first tournament i played in officially was spring break junior year...an entire year after i broke my back....

and so far i've been playing ever since.

all in all i think i've played 2.5 years of ultimate....intersting. why was i talkin' about that? who knows. came to mind. oh yeah, this year's team. i don't think we've ever had a team with this kind of DEPTH. uptown local has always had a longstanding tradition of playing a starting line of studs 'till they die. or maybe about 10 guys 'till they die. leaves little room for improvement for the rest of the team...especially in a year like my frosh year and this year when there are like...7-8 people leaving the team after this season. i'm in this game to play, and i feel like everyone else should be, too. yeah, winning's cool. but at the expense of half our team not playing? fuck that. i get all the playingtime i want, really. i can't play as much as i'd LIKE to because my back really will give out...coach understands that and puts me in very intermittently. i tell him to do that. i feel really bad for people who stand on the sideline for entire games, though..but i'm in no position to change that. i'm glad things have been getting mixed up a BIT more. through spring break practices we've brought the rookies up to a level where they can make plays on the field and have really deepened our team. me and mikeliu were talking and we agreed that we had NEVER felt as good as we did on the second day of a tournament (this was southerns)...and it was because our rookies had stepped it up and allowed for more spreading out of the play time. everyone wins! rookies play, vets rest some...and all the rookies go and get hurt. wassupwitdat?

regardless, i'm psyched for these coming weekends. my back's been acting up but i've been babying it...hopefully it'll carry me.

oh...and there's a free weekend before regionals. can you say toga?




hmmm..i bet i coulda' written my paper in that time.


culprit


4.04.2004

veruca salt - leave me lying here

hmm


i don't really know what i'm feeling these days...kind of foreign. as i mentioned before...yeah...my parents aren't doing so well together. they might split up, they might no, but either way it's going to be awkward between them. over spring break the shit really hit the fan...and it was easy enough to just get drunk and not think about it so that wasn't a problem, but coming back to school...i just don't wanna do anything nowadays. it's a good thing i don't have an extremely large courseload 'cause i'd definitely let many things fall through my fingers and not really care.

i usually think of myself as a really cheery peson. i'm almost always happy with my life, proud of myself, proud of who i've become, not many things i feel i NEED...and most of that is because there are very few things that i really care about. of course that means that the things i do indeed care about mean worlds to me...family being at the top of that list and this is by far the biggest problem it's ever encountered...and i don't know what to think about it. i used to think that i was depressed over these two girls at two different times in my life...thinking back...i wish i chilled out a little more about that. whoopdie do, some girl broke my heart, or i broke my own. life goes on...there's a woman in this world for every star in the sky.

but i only have two parents. i can't even begin to say how much of my moral and social principles are based on what i've gathered from the two of them...and right now they don't have any answers. i wake up in the mornings and just lay there for hours at a time contemplating shit....i just don't wanna get outa' bed. i FEEL like this makes sense to me. i'm the last of three...i'm about to graduate and start my own life...and my parents have spent 28 years creating a life for their kids and they've succeeded...but in the process they've grown apart. every year that goes by my 'ideal life' is shattered and rebuilt. when i was younger i was an idiot and wanted the first girl i gave my heart to to give me hers and we'd live happily ever after. yeah...that doesn't happen. 'specially since i'm a spaz and didn't (don't...or never will) understand women, relationships, myself....few girls later....i wonder if any of it matters...few years later....i wonder what's the point of a relationship...now...what's the point of worrying?



over spring break i considered something i hadn't considered before....why don't i go home after school. i'm notoriously bad at staying on top of things that aren't immediately in front of me...and dealing with my parents through emails and cell phones just...doesn't really mean to me what it should and i keep brushing it off. denial? i hate to say but i think it might be. hawaii is a trap. a sync. you go there and all your motivation disappears. your brain slows down. that fire inside burns down to some warm embers that will happily glow on forever...i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing...but i'm not ready for that yet. telling my family i was thinking about it...they all warned me of the dangers and advised against it...and i'm taking that into account. plan c, at the top of my list now...is to just go home for the summer...or just a couple of months...relax...give my parents someone to talk to. i'd say i'm pretty USELESS in helping them with their problems...but my mom especially could just use someone right now to talk to and let her think of something else for a time. when i'm alone i brood...and so does she. no good.


hmm...i have a lotta work.

fuck.


4.02.2004

offspring - total immortal

party


wanna party tomorrow (saturday) night? austin's outa' town so we don't have to worry about ra-ish stuff :)

not sure if it's on...need feedback. "neeeeed input!"

got drunk last night

prolly gettin' drunk tonight

might as well get drunk tomorrow night, too....


postpost

patti lebelle - somewhere over the rainbow

good times


quick recap of yesterday: didn't sleep enough, did some work, turned in work, slept more, ate, slept more....ultimate practice! i love that game. back's a bit weak lately...haven't been doin' excercises. then went to the tavern w/ tao and mikeliu...goose and lumber and catherine showed up later...eventually hit amcaff after our beeramid was completed (pabst).

that waiter (i used to know his name) who used to wait on us a lot recognized me and we chatted...comes by ten minutes later with a round of shots for us :) that's twice in a row now we've gotten a free round of shots at amcaff. all you antiamcaffers, fuck you! oh, and two rugby girls dressed up in schoolgirl uniforms (they were ALL in schoolgirl attire...last week they were all pirates) came up to me and asked if they could touch my mohawk....that was...odd. but funny nonetheless. one'a them was actually kinda cute...but something something rugby.

and then i slept for 11 hours...and still have a hangover...i'm gettin' old.

either way, shout out for Hello Nurse tonight (christian's band) playin' at 11pm. me and lightshow are heading down a bit early to maybe catch some other bands...anyone else interested in comin' along, you know how to reach me.


flee