Burn it Off

my self-inflicted panopticon failed.

12.31.2003

some mtv show with hot girls
drip drip



yeah, i'm a sappy bucket of slop...but i saw mona lisa smile today with my mom and sister and i thought it was really cool :) for the amount i don't understand (and misunderstand), feminism is surprisingly interesting to me. then again put that way, it makes sense that it would interest me. or maybe 'amuse' is a better word (attempting to validate my phallus).

dragonslayer was on tv when i came home. it's this '81 movie about a sorcerer summoned to get rid of a dragon that this town had been sacraficing virgins to fo ryears and years. of course the sorcerer dies and the apprentice is left with the job...and in the process saves one girl by...er....deflowering her so she doesn't have to go into the lottery. so cheesy. so great :) and the dragon's pretty badass.


dawn patrol tomorrow morning...then clean house for new year's eve party.



pop


12.29.2003

tv - x-files
flow



i realized something interesting today, while reading 'the wolves of the calla', stephen king's last book in the dark tower series. it was one of the parts where they were going todash (for those of you who are familiar with it). what brought this to mind was the 'altered mind states' that stephen king likes.

either way, it was (surprise surprise) about surfing. every time i think back to surfing...even thinking back to a wave i'd ridden a few minutes prior....it feels like a dream. i remember it like flashes of memory that don't seem to connect nor reflect time very well. very odd. i imagine some of that might be because i suck so much that my mind is concentrating on so many different thing when i catch a wave that i kind of forget to remember if that makes any sense. i wonder if that'll change much as i get better or if it'll always feel like a dream.

then (surprise surprise) i thought of ultimate. do you ever think back to a sick d you made or a badass layout you made for score? ....how much do you really remember about it. for me those memories are like flashes, too. or slow-mo. or sometimes i just blank out and remember hitting the ground and opening my eyes with a disc in my hand.

maybe i should start blobbing my surf ventures on my dream blob....

probably not. what would i write here, then?

we had a shitload of rain in the past couple days with flash flood warnings. so of course i'm planning on going hiking tomorow to one of the many waterfalls on the island :) stupid boy....



flow.


12.27.2003

tv - gone in 60 seconds
fly



austin, your theory is right:

device microfabrication: A-
analog electronics: B+
(those are my two grad classes)
signals and systems II: B
data structures in java: B
microwave lab: awaiting...most likely a B

i rule. for those of you wondering, that's all much better than i expected :) haven't gotten a c yet, not about to start.

surfed ehukai today on the north shore with thomas. SO pretty. got my ass kiced multiple times, but also got some awesome rides. very powerful wave, even though it was no bigger than anything i've surfed before. and no sliced feet! (yes i'm going to keep saying it). it was sandy bottom. HARD sandy bottom, though. but doable.

good times.

alohas!

12.25.2003

tv, news
merry christmas!



merry christmas everyone, hope your holidays are treating you well.

i'm havin' a nice time :) it's so nice being home with my brother and sis both here as well. been a long time since all of us have been in the same place. good party last night, good christmas. after eating and opening presents we went to waikiki and sat on the beach for a while watching all the tourists. pretty boring, but still nice. something to do as a family. i can't exactly take my parents out a quarter mile to surf. then we ate good lunch, came home and watched a movie. very chill, very relaxing :)


tomorrow i'm going to attempt to go surfing twice in a day. we'll see if i last. i went out on tuesday and was out for probably less than an hour and fricken' DIED. got caught on a reef and couldn't fight the current 'cause my arms were dead. so i gave up, sliced foot and burning arms, and swam back in. i think i'm okay now :) just gotta stretch 'em out a bit....i hope. board feels SO nice. i only caught a few waves, but it already feels better than my old POS. tomorrow should be fun.

so yeah, that's me. for christmas...it turned into interesting shopping. i only actually 'bought' one present. all the others are 'promised' gifts (albeit still creative) in an effort to make it most enjoyable...like me and my sister are gonna' pay for my mom to take a jewelry class (but she's chosing), i'm taking my sis shopping in soho, 'cause she likes shopping there better than here and I hav eno idea what to buy her, taking my grandma out to lunch of her choice...stuff like that. cute, i thought. nobody really knew what to get me :) it was pretty funny. my brother and sister'd already given me presents, but my dad and mom had no idea what i wanted. even when they aske dme i had no idea. what i REALLY wanted was to go on trips, though. so my mom gave me a check to go snowboarding (sweet!) and my dad's gonna help me pay for spring break (sweet!). i don't need anymore 'stuff'...i have everything i need/want, so this works out perfectly :)

i'm enjoying myself. how are you?

btw, blog's not dead, by no means. i'll be around (still sleeping weird hours).


aloha

12.22.2003

radioIOrock
omg



so tomorrow i get to find out once and for all if i suck as a surfer or my board just sucked THAT MUCH last summer. you wanna know why? because my brother bought me a fucking surfboard for christmas. *gasp* yeah, i almost died.

he'd asked me what i wanted a while back and i told him i have know fuckin' clue. he did, however, know full well that i intend to move to california next year, so he thought hell, i'll buy him a surfboard. my surfboard that used last summer was seriously a piece of shit. too long, too narrow, too thick, and probably from the fuckin' eighties. so today we were out christmas shoppin' and he bought me a board. i'm not even going to say how much it cost but we got a kama`aina rate (it means something like 'children of the land' in hawaiian....local, basically) meaning we got a HUNDRED dollars off. let's just say it was still really expensive after that. he's just spoiling me, i can't believe him. if there were anything i could ever do for him, i would do it in a heartbeat.

so i have a new girlfriend! haha. i really don't need anymore in life now. i suppose yeah, a girlfriend might be nice...but anything i start would be short lived. my new baby, on the other hand, with some little care will be with me for a long, long time. he and i are gonna get up early and drop my dad off at work and go surfing. diamond head or kewalo's, not sure yet. we'll see what the surf report says. i get to ride my baby for the first time.

i'm gonna read some 'wolves of the calla' (dark tower V) and get some sleep. i think i've managed to do this without any jetlag....amazing.


love.



webradio - radioiorock (not a typo)
HOME



ahhh...after the shittiest flight i've ever been on, i'm finally home. the 15 hour gruelling 2-stop flight wouldn't have been so bad if on the second leg, indianapolis - san fran, a high school girl's hockey team hadn't gotten on the plane. good god they were irritating. i hate teenagers SO MUCH. the girl next to me especially....she was one of those people who have NO sense of personal space. i'm not one to really care much if someone accidentally bumps me or something when trying to grab their bag or wrestle their tiny little airplane pillow...i mean yeah, the seat's small. but this girl REPEATEDLY elbowed me in my sleep (waking me up at least four times) so she could get in the best position to doodle on her goddamn hand or arrange or stuffed animals on her pillow. not to mention the goddamn santa hat she had with mickey ears (they'd come from disney world i heard) that she'd stick in my face or chest anytime she reached down to get something from her ENORMOUS carryone that couldn't fit under the seat which, in turn, had her kicking me as well.

jesus christ. i wanted to slap her.

and all three landings had me laughing. for some reason 'airplane crashes' never bothered me much...so i jsut laughed 'cause all three were the WORST landings i'd ever been in. one of them we were definitely leaning over on one wheel...bah. whatever

came home and went straight to zippy's : ) it's this 24/7 fast food/diner type place with plate lunch. ahhh....sooooo good. my brother came to pick me up 'cause everyone else was dead. we had a nice talk :) i saw a lot of him at the beginning of the year when he was still at princeton (he's in newport, cali now) and he came one weekend on business, but it was still really nice to see him :)

and i'm actually kinda tired (it's 2am here...i'll change the timezone eventually...) so it' looks like i may not be horribly jetlagged. in order to get a car in this house we have to drop one of our parents off at work so i may be getting up before 7am to drop off dad and me and lewis'll go surfing. i think my sister's still dead, hah.


and i'm sitting here in my shorts with a beer. god i love it here.


alohas

12.20.2003

blink 182 - adam's song (off a mix-cd)
pain



for some reason i had no desire to sleep last night....odd. i guess that's what happens when i have no stress. i went out to hang out with vaness and brad to eat dinner, got back around midnight or a bit after and watched a lotta tv. i sat down at some point (i forget what time, but terminator was on IFC...watched most of that) to burn some cd's to take home. i started a tradition of burning cd's for my brother and sister for christmas (just a little 'extra' to whatever present i was getting them) of the music i'd been listening to that i thought they'd like.

either way, when i sat down to do it...i realized i have no cd burning software 'cause i reformatted and installed xp at the beginning of the year. then i found that windows media player can do it. then i realized that last year i didn't organize ANY of my media files...so i had shit EVERYWHERE. made compiling playlists rather difficult 'cause i had to go searching for all my songs. so i aborted burning in favor of organizing. doing a search on wmp spit out 1680 or so mp3's. JESUS. didn't know i had that many....i haven't downloaded ANYTHING this semster...i don't even have any fileshares.

eventually got it all together and deleted like, a half dozen useless folders that i had spread out over two partitions of my harddrive. turns out i forgot to delete some originals when i backed them up and had SO many doubles....deleted so much i had to defrag that drive. i think i went to bed at like 8am. wasn't even all that tired...just figured i should. but now my music is all nicely indexed in folders :) the jazz songs were the hardest 'cause half of them could go under like, three different folders....i tried to be consistent, we'll see if i can find 'em again.....

this must've been a pretty boring psot for you. it was interesting to me, though :)



trees

12.19.2003

aquabats album
watching



do you ever wonder what the electronics around us think of us? i sometimes get the feeling my stereo is alive (it's given me lotsa love, why can't it have a soul?) and laughing at the kinds of music i play. then there's those times where i play a song over and over .....or play one ten second bit of a song over and over....and i think it's laughing at me wondering what i'm trying to find/hear/accomplish.

then there's the tv. does it secretly keep track of all those times i stop on real sex on hbo when nobody else is around? does it keep track when i watch childish cartoons at three in the morning?

*gasp* does it remember when i stop on mtv to watch christina aguilera sing?

oh god.


yeah, this blog isn't really me. it's my computer just documenting my life. i actually don't even know it exists.



boo.

12.18.2003

same
FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!



actually not really.

FUCK ME!!!! I'M DOOOOOONNNNNEEEE!!!!!! WOO HOOOOOO!!!!!

what to drink, what to drink....



hit me

same albums on shuffle
fucked



haven't eaten much....haven't slept in a while...studied a lot....didn't study enough.

if i'd started like...a day earlier i probably could've rocked both of these, but as it goes...no. not that i really have to worry about passing...but i haven't gotten a c yet...and if i ever do...it'll be in about half an hour.



gah

be back around four.

12.17.2003

Morcheeba - Who Can You Trust album (on shuffle w/ sneaker pimps - becoming x, and jack johnson - on and on)
<-----on game day



why does japanese candy rock so hard? i don't undestand why but their candy is SO MUCH SWEETER. i love it!

so i realized a little while ago what my studying routine was missing...if you haven't already guessed, it's porn. i mean CANDY! hmm...not mutually exclusive, actually. either way, yeah, went to m2m and got a couple bags of hard, gooey, and chewy sugar goodness to compliment the massive amounts of coffee i'll be drinking in the next couple hours. i was thinking of taking a nap and THEN starting the coffee binge, but after taking a walk to pick up a book from a friend i'm awake again. i got more in me, no sense stopping now.

it's so early.

i'm so calm.

this doesn't feel like finals :)




all my friends are poppin' up back home and making me jealous....time to finish this.




sunday.

fuel - sunburn album
more fucking around



okay, really this time, i'm studying.....(riiiiight)

evanscence - Fields of Innocence
yoink



stolen from crackerjack's away message:

Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.
-Mahatma Gandhi


coming to a blog template near you. this is pretty much what i strive for in life. as always, it's a work in progress. not necessarily something you can 'decide' to do....but sometimes you learn more from the pursuit than from success.

it's too bad i like people too much.


hermit

12.16.2003

ATB remixing Enigma - Push the Limits
roar



funny story i forgot to tell (i've only told the hogan crew 'cause they each asked individually). i've recently acquired a welded sculputre of one of geiger's aliens (from the movie, alien, aliens, blah blah, sigourney weaver)...made from pipes, screws, bolts, nuts, bikechains, washers....welded and anodized (gives it a black shine). you may have seen this guy's work at one of the street craft fairs on broadway (he does alien, predator, cars, all kinds of other cool shit).

i got this baddass motherfucker from my sister. two weekends ago i FINALLY went down to her and brad's (bf) place in brooklyn (fuckin' booney land...couple stops from coney island on the yellow line)...great place. big, cute, good neighborhood, perfect for them right now. either way, i was staying over unexpectedly 'cause we went out and ended up staying out really late, ended up in brooklyn at christian's place and i didn't feel like coming back up here at 2am and i still hadn't seen their place. either way, we're in the kitchen and i'm making some tea and i see this bugger sitting on the counter. i pick it up really excited and say something like, "oooooh, you got one'a these!" and she abrubtly stops what she does and stares at me and just says, "shiiiiiiit". and i'm like, "what, this thing is awesome!" and she goes,

"merry christmas"

haha, that was hilarious. she totally forgot to hide it...and when she bought it she thought it's so badass she and brad might as well enjoy it 'till she gave it to me. so yeah, i told her i'd save her the trouble (and me the trouble) of transporting this little demon between here and hawaii. the fingers and toes are SHARP bent wood screws....you could totally hijack a plane with this thing.

it's sitting on my stereo :)


oh, and i don't wanna study for data structures....bah.



bishop


12.15.2003

portishead - *who knows*
mood



portishead is definitely not a frequent mood. it used to be, in my dark rebellious phase....but it fits today nicely for some reason. usually, if i'm not happy, i'm in a dark ANGRY mood and shit like evanescence, linkin park, finch, perfect circle....

but portishead is just creepy. in fact, i'm gonna go turn off my lights. . . . . i feel so much cooler now. very happy today 'cause i located a buzz in my room. usually doesn't bother me all that much 'cause i just have to make it louder to drown it out...but portishead is very minimalist and there's a lotta 'free space' in the spectral domain so the deep tones create the buzz....but there's not a whole lot in the midrange to drown out. (usually vocals and/or guitars will do this, but the chick's voice is high and there's no guitar). so, even louder...i can still hear the buzz. but now no more! ...i just have to keep my cabinet door open (not like i ever use it anyway).

and i'm addicted to eggnog and rum. i thought it would be the perfect compliment to....data structures.

hmmm...perhaps that's flawed reasoning.

k how 'bout this. eggnog and rum and data structures 'till i can sleep. that should work.


and once again my blog is mentioned in the same sentence as the word 'creepy'. thanks stoops ; )

i still think i'm proud of that? i'll tell you if i ever figure that one out.



do these spaces bother you?




postpost

Hello Nurse - You're Neat Basics
twisted



i think i've settled with the fact that i like really twisted, demented, even painful movies....

i was watching HBO last night and flipped into a movie with maggie gyllenhaal. i stopped simply 'cause i like her (i do that a lot...). either way, turns out she's a troubled girl who just got out of a mental hospital for cutting and burning herself...and it turns out her boss is a masochist as well. not like...cutting and burning and stuff but just really kinky stuff but without the sex....very weird. i really enjoyed it :)

did some reading up on her. she's the older sister of jake gyllenhaal of donnie darko and the moonlight mile (both movies i really liked)...interesting dynamic between the two of them. their parents are rich....the dad's a director of some sort. this movie, called 'secretary' btw, was kind of her breakthrough role...got lots of attention when it was first released at sundance. but yeah, masochist (she's 23 in the movie), full frontal nudity (heh, yeah she's hot), weird, WEIRD shit....a lotta people thought it was a balsy move for her but it turned out for the best and she's been really popular since.

ironically her boss in the movie (james spader) is the same guy in ANOTHER twisted movie i'd mentioned earlier called 'crash'. the ironic part is that i watched that one because of an actress named deborah cara unger (sp?)....it was on IFC. in that one...they're both masochists but they're obsessed with car crashes....so they keep getting in car crashes and swinging with other car crash victims....so fucked up, but lotsa fun!

then there's requiem for a dream which i couldn't tear myself away from.

oh and IFC is having a 'twisted christmas' special soon. apparently there's a bunch of movies out there that just aren't your typical christmas movies. i'm there :)


i think living a sheltered life makes me feel kind of deprived? that's fucked up. i still adhere to the philosophy that i can't be comfortable unless i'm a little UNcomfortable....keep me based in reality. maybe this is part of that....

hmm...i have a final in two hours. i'll watch fucked up movies later.



red pens

12.14.2003

incubus -*shrugs* (krock)
like it?


lick it.



so fucked up


music:home grown - surfer girl


so i got back to sleep around seven...and i just woke up at TWO!

what the FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!? haha. so yeah, i just slept 7 hrs. (see below) and another 7. so 14 hrs. between 9pm and 2pm....so wrong :)


oh well. also got ANOTHER extension on my mircrofab psets....so bad. now i have to do them. i did 1, 2, 7, 8, 9 out of 10. funny how that works. the midterm was after 6 so i was already fucking those. but now i guess i'll do 10 and maybe 6, 5....in that order...and we'll see when i get bored. or sleepy? hah.



berserk and 4 packets of instant oatmeal for now.


quick dream blob up (in a few minutes)

aloha





monkey


music:weezre - falling for you


the cooler, fuckin' awesome
lost in translation, fuckin' awesome

legend, always fuckin' awesome

sleep from 9pm - 4:30pm...kind of awesome. at least it's closer. and i think i'm tired now so i should be able to sleep for a couple more hours at least, not bad. we actually walked into 'bad santa' at AMC but it was packed and mara, liu and i couldn't find three seats together so we bailed. i bailed 'cause i really was falling asleep and needed to get some blood flowing.


good day. oh ohh.....and my movies are waiting in lerner. i got 'young sherlock holmes' and 'the blood of heroes'. austin's the only person i've met that's heard of 'young sherlock holmes' and amanda's the only one who's heard of 'the blood of heroes'. i think....anyone else?

either way, i'll be watching one or both of them at some point if anyone's interested.



finals aren't stressing me out yet. this oculd be bad.




sun.

12.13.2003



jive


music: homegrown - suffer


funny thing. that band above, i love this album and absolutely DESTROYED IT. i take horrible care of my cd's at home 'cause i'm always bringing them in the car and something something sun, something somthing sand...either way this one was about to die on me, like three of the songs skipped in neverending ANNOYING fuckin' loops (an interesting thing to wake up to).

either way, my sister randomly got a free promotional copy of it for me...without even knowing mine was dead. she just knew i liked the band. how cool is that? ahh, mtv employees....they get hooked up from time to time.

either way i slept for about three hours in prep for movies....and coffee. i think i'm track to sleep well tonight, just gotta stay up for eight more hours...more than four of which should be good movies. 'the cooler' and 'lost in translation' (finally). both sound really cool.



*sips cofffee*

12.12.2003



boom


music: sting & eric clapton - it's probably me


so far so good. only lasted...three hours without posting. i don't really have much to say. i tend to think of things and try and remember to blog about them..but that rarely happens 'cause half the time i sit down to blog...something else comes to mind. funny how that happens.

speaking of blogs...they seem to be dead as of late. christian always blogs a lot, amanda, crackerjack, every couple days or so, stoops...one or twice a week, mara's disappeared, i still refuse to attempt eric's password, makiko's comments are more active than her blog...er....who else. if i forgot you, you should probably blog more. for the first time since i started blogging, i found myself searching for other shit to read this week. i took christian's advice and checked out craiglist's 'rants and raves' section. haha....so great. i'd say about half of it is talking about blowjobs and muffdiving. funny how nyc turns into a boys against girls war.....over EVERYTHING.

and here we go again, sat down with nothing and found something. well....not like anything i blog ever has much meaning :) but hey, it still works for me. it amuses me how some people keep feeling the need to purify their blog and castrate themselves so they can't be themselves on it...or so they can be themselves on it...i dunno. confuses me. still don't know how i stopped caring what people know about me. i'm at least content with the fact that even though i put everything out there on this blog, people still aren't going to be 'themselves' around me if they're thinking something they don't think i want to know....or simply don't want me to know. it's an interesting game. or maybe a game i just create on my own 'cause i never fuckin' trust anyone.

i'll stop now before this turns into a discussion with myself :) it's just been on my mind a lot with, you know, senior year. after elementary school i was glad to leave everyone there behind. and i did. i was never close to any of them unfortunately. high school...i tried to hold on but we all went our seperate ways. i ended up making better friends with people i didn't really hang out with that much during school....people change *shrugs*.

now...it's different, 'cause i won't be leaving 'home'. when i leave nyc...i'm not going to have any specific reason to come back here....nor do the people who'll graduate and leave here as well. leaving high school...we always reconvene over summer or christmas. now...the only way i'll see these people is if i actually kepe in touch with them. of course i start making that inevitable 'list' of people i'll be glad to keep in touch with....and am filled with all kinds of rushing feelings of guilt, inequity, loneliness....i dunno. hate to say it but a lotta the time during these ponderings i keep thinking of candace. thinking back, most often, i'm believing mroe and more that it was just 'sex'....in the general meaning of the word (since i don't mean the literal meaning). she's still the only girl who i was ever comfortable with physically (one of...six girls i've gone horizontal with...including tame ones) and i'm hoping that's the only reason she's on my mind so much. like, sex is on a man's mind what...every ninety seconds? and the only...hmmm...sexual freedom?....let's say the most sexual freedom i've experienced has been with her. do the math.


i need more hot women in my life.



'california dreaming'




suck


music: nada


in an attempt to break this horrible, horrible sleeping habit, i'm gonna attempt to stay up all night.

let's see what i have to say when i stay up all night doing absolutely nothing.

nothing.



resist


music: Ekolu - stuck on you


so against all logical reasoning, i got stuck watching requiem for a dream again. a great movie, but if you've seen it, you'll understand how i REALLY wasn't exactly looking to watch it again. luckily i got to it right in the middle when things were getting...er...juicy (for lack of a better word). i found it was just a little bit easier to take with the volume turned really low....but god DAMN that shit is disturbing. being an audiophile, i appreciate any appropriate use of sound....and whoever did the sound in that movie is a fuckin' GENIUS....but i'd still like to punch him in the nuts. *shivers*

so i actually did do half a pset this evening. steiner came over for a bit, then left 'cause he got irritated that he'd forgotten his book. we're gonna try again tomorrow afternoon. i was GOING to try and finish the pset...but instead i spent about two hours looking at surf movie trailiers on surfline.com. god damn i wanna go home. i'll be honest, i'm gonna go home and get POUNDED. winter time is when the north, northeast swells come in...and for some reason they're a lot bigger than the other swells.....not sure why. i should check on that. either way...i've never surfed the north shore. well, i did once, on a bodyboard....at one of the inner breaks up at pipeline when it was like, four feet maybe. they were just way more powerful than i'm used to. it was barelling really nicely...but i couldn't pull in. the water's so clear you can see straight to the bottom...straight to the reef....straight to the teeth. couldn't find the balls 'cause if i went over the falls i woulda' been eaten (i wasn't all that good at that time...). a friend of mine's been surfing most of his life, though (got a few of those) and knows some beaches that're more tame, though. so there's hope yet...if i don't drown. or get a surfboard to the forehead. wait i've done both of those already.....without the dying.

god my grades are gonna suck this semester


bumrush

12.10.2003



beachfront


music: goldfinger - 99 red balloons


so school's finall coming to a close. i have two more easy but time consuming psets to do by friday, and an extra credit 'short biography' to write for my microwave lab. easy work, just shit i should do (don't even really HAVE to do it..). the psets will pretty much be my finals studying for microfab, and the biography is to attempt to gte a b instead of a b-. i guess it's worth it.

other than that, you know how it goes from here on out *shrugs*. big thing on my mind lately has been what to do after next year. i still actually have to find one more course to fill a few credits, but that shouldn't be too hard. i don't even NEED anything so i can actually pass/fail it. funny. i just have to be a full time student to continue to recieve my scholarship from kamehameha (my high school).

so yeah....job hunting. i finally started going through IEEE (instutute of electrical and electronics engineering i think) which is a bit less helpful than i thought it would. points yoiu in the direction to find help, but doesn't directly give a whole lot. they try, though, and the resources they provide will definitely come in handy. it's an interest problem trying to find an entry level job in engineering 'cause if you don't know your shit...you're fucked. and from day one i was always perplexed as to how i'd be using the shit i'm learning. i'm actually quite dissappointed in the lack of 'real world' experience and knowledge columbia forces us to learn. sure, i could probably go and figure it out on my own, but for 40 grand a year, you think they'd prepare us for work, no? seems much more geared towards grad school....oh well. i'll figure something out.

on just hashing it over in my head i've decided i'm at least aiming for california. i need a change of scenery. new york's a lotta fun...but it's no fun without any money and in my field there really isn't a whole lotta interesting work here. if i stay on the east coast i'm gonna end up in some bumblefuck town in the middle of fucki'n nowhere where someone found cheap land to put a big buidling. urban east coast cities don't lend themselves very well to research and development. cali on the other hand jus seems to have more stuff in the cities 'cause they're so spread out (instead of spread UP). not to say i don't enjoy nyc. i love it here. but i think i'm done with it. i came here for an adventure and i got it. and hell, i can always come back when i have some money to actually do all this cool shit i hear about.

'till then, i'll drop a few hundred on a board and surf. i'm looking to go as far south as i can. san diego looks really cool. i'd like to stay out of central LA....outskirts i might be able to handle. my brother's in newport beach, which is actually in orange county. i don't know if i could handle that :) although the surf is supposed to be epic. regardless, i would like to be close to him. if worse comes to worse and i start getting desperate, i'm going to talk to him about using his pad as a base of operations for a bit :) in the end it really is fuckin' hard to job hunt from across the country in cities i haven't spent more than a week in. i'm pretty sure he'd be happy to help me out. when he was in princeton he actually helped my sis out a LOT to get her settled here. she had her shit at his place for quite a while while she and brad searched for an apartment (which turned out GREAT i might add. i went there last weekend, their place is so cute : ).

what a pain in the ass....last time i had to make anything close to this kind of decision was for college....and then i just had to pick a school....now i ahve to worry about money, transportation, moving costs (why do i have so much shit?)....bleah. i'm also gonna be a poor lonely bitch for a while. i was thinkin' about it....i think ultimate can carry me through that at some point : ) ultimate peeps really arer awesome. even in hawaii when it wasn't so big, they were inviting me to parties and shit.....it was really cool. they were all like...ten years older than me and it was kinda weird so i never went to one, but hey, still very cool.

surf, ultimate, beer. i think i can make enough friends throught that, no?



where are you going next year???


rent.

12.09.2003



good party


music: jack johnson - *shrugs*


so tonigth went great, i'd say : ) austin had told me earlier in the evening "you're trying to much" with the pina coladas, eggnog, tequila, plinko fate, carolling, and amcaff. well, up yours ;) it worked. somehow *shrugs*.

i was actually getting skeptical myself since i really had no idea who was coming. buncha' frosh...as usual....but the women had barely replied at all, none of my closer friends seemed really excited about it like i was....but i put it together as planned...nine pm rolled around and nobody was here....by nine thirty there was one girl (hey amanda) and a buncha sausages....but around ten...when i figured everyone would come to a 9pm party, the floodgates opened and we had ourselves a party. even corey and whirley showed up, both whom had told me earlier that they wouldn't be coming. at one point i went down and signed in NINE barnard frosh...one of the had hooked up at patrick at our halloween party and thought we were so cool she invited all her girlfriends. some of them were pretty cute, too *shrugs* not bad. got huge enough that kelsey and i went on a beer run...that sealed it. got a buncha' booze left as well...might be fun later.

went carolling just after midnight with a santeria outro....so cool :) not that i knew any of the lyrics (never got around to printing them) but still lotsa fun. and amcaff, was a riot. so many people we sent patrick and his little frosh posse to another table. probably the best time i've had at amcaff in a long time....and i had about six drinks all night, too so i was pretty much chillin' with just a light buzz. nice to know i can still have fun without getting sloshed...although sloshed IS nice sometimes ; )

and now...i think it's about time to sleep. i'm about a half hour short of a 24 hour bender. be nice to avoid that....comforting somehow.



oh, and i like eggnog and rum.




dark

12.08.2003



giant fucking Q


music: evanescence - bring me to life
volume: 12


fever's setting in, bleah. but on a lighter note, i just discovered that those dayquil gelcaps simply say

DayQ

so great!




Q

12.05.2003



snoooooow


music: jack johnson - cocoon
volume: 5


SNOOOOOWWW!!! so nice.

either way, today was a pretty good day. quick rundown: meeting with prof for next semester (good), review session (good), sleeeeeeep (good), pasta (good), pirates of the carribean (good), amcaff (good, happy b'day spoots!), koronets (good).

so today (good)

my stomach thingy's getting bteter. my doctor at health services wrote a prescription for me for some antiobitic in case it gets worse....she said might be good to just hold on to, but i think it might be passing.

of course my cold is getting worse...boo.

i'll write more about my courses next year later....sounds like it's gonna be really cool : ) albeit EXTREMELY hard.

and one of kelsey's friends is hitting on me with her screename. who the hell is this girl, kelsey?



doctor daniels

12.04.2003



update


music: system of a down - chop suey
volume: 18


so my mom wanted to talk to my doc at health services which is cool 'cause she'd understand her a lot better. my mom's a medtech so she knows what all the numbers on my blood test mean (and she's a little more relieved when she knows what's going on). either way, i DO have some kind of infection goin' on. the white cell count that's up is one that attacks bacteria, not virus....so the cold that's coming on at the moment isn't what did it. the lymph nodes that're swollen are also there to filter bacteria and shit. unfortunately the only thing that ever gets infected in that area is the apendix and since it's not the apendix, nobody knows what the hell it is.

so yeah, after the pset i do....now....i'm gonna sleep as much as i can. watch some movies. i won't be drinking 'till this is better unfortunately. well...maybe a couple beers :) (dont tell mom)

actually feels a bit better today, too. i'm kind of hoping i'm just constipated 'cause although uncomfortable, it's not gonna kill me. christian was just telling me about a beavis and butthead episode where beavis thought he was pregnant...but in the end he just had to take an enormous dump : ) i ate a large salad and got some fiber pills earlier this evening in preparation for said delightful excursion to the porcelain god.....

wish me luck ; )



oh i'm sorry, i forgot to post a warning on that one....




warning!

12.03.2003



movin' on


music: metallica - unforgiven
volume: 15


soooo yeah. put my life on hold for a day....but now that it's a new day (after midnight) i figured i should get going on work again....ugh.

i'm still torn on how i would've felt if i HAD needed surgery. all the usual logistical crap was going through my head...could i finish my work, could i finish finals, could i handle not walking for a day or two....i mostly thought yes, but what the hell do i know. up 'till now i've been able to take care of myself no matter what i've gone through...but this time i wasn't sure. my brother learned the hard way how hard life can be without being able to walk when he had to get surgery on his knee (torn ACL)....he got really scared for me and was ready to fly up this weekend if i had to go get surgery : ) this is, of course, after he convinced my mom that she didn't need to fly up. my sister's around but she lives in brooklyn and works a lot during weekends and really doesn't have much time. lewis at least can get away when he needs (mostly taking his work with him)...the joys of working for a private firm.

i'm so glad i have such a loving family : ) they all wanted to do everything they could for me....and i don't really know what kind of person i would be if i didn't always know i could trust them. like i said before "i've been ble to take care of myself," but part of that was just the emotional support i got from knowing that if i couldn't, they'd be there. also like to send out some shouts of thanks to all my friends who were concerned. another reason i thought i'd "be okay" not being able to walk alone. i'm sure someone would be willing to bring me a slice of pizza : )

that's usually a thought that come sto me whenever i contemplate relgion. i'm technically an atheist...although i've been baptized and i've gone to sunday school...and didn't retain anything from it. but in the end, i think the reason for that is because i've never 'needed' to believe that something out there will love me no matter what....because i know i have my family and short of complete disrespect (probably even then), they'll always love me.

i wanna go home.



pray



unfuck


music: primus - mr. krinkle
volume: 11


so after my bloodtest, it was still pointing to my appendix (high white cell count or something), but after the ultrasound they ruled it out! yay. on the flip side, they don't really know WHAT it is. the only weird thing they foudn was that my lymph nodes in the area are swollen....meaning something is infected or somthing (hence the white cells as well). but i was told to just 'go easy' and take care of myself and it should be okay. i have a follow up appointment next week and i'll definitely be monitoring it carefully.


*sigh of relief*

12.02.2003



fuck


music: violent femmes - blister in the sun
volume: 10


so after consulting webmd.com and my mom (she's a medtech), my symptoms are pretty consistent with a fucked up appendix. fuck. calling health services tomorrow....


we'll see about the alcohol consumption ; ) at least it's not my liver!


i guess this is my 'fucked up gastrointestinal disease' of the year......every year i seem to have something go horribly wrong with my digestive system. norwalk...stomach virus (lost ten puonds on that one), allergic reaction to some swedish food, got hepititis from mono.....*sigh*. guess i'm not so invincible anymore.




fuck fuck fuckide fuck.



ow


music: red hot chilli peppers - otherside
volume: 11


actually i think my appendix hurts.



fuck.



knife in the eye


music: jack johnson - holes to heaven
volume: 5


so i finished my first microfab pset since maybe september....haha. total of ten psets, i did the first....three? maybe just two. i dunno. either way i have four left to do, and i just finished one (these are the ones since the midterm). i've decided to fuck the ones i missed before the midterm....they don't count for much.

so 1/4 microfab psets due...i guess monday but i COULD probably do 'em a bit later, too. i don't wanna go that far, though
electronics pset, thursday
signals pset, thursday
one last lab to write up, wednesday (we can do that one in the afternoon)
data structures pset, monday

i think i can handle this.....



*stab stab stab*

12.01.2003



ow


music: jack johnson - fall line
volume: 5


my liver hurts.



problem solving


music: Gene Krupa/Buddy Rich - the original drum battle
volume: 6


i've decided to start getting my upper body back in shape to surf. it always makes me feel better to excercise when i'm stressed and i'm definitely gonna be stressed in the next couple weeks so it makes all kinds of good sense.

i do pullups on austin's doorway gym, i do all kinds of weird pushups, too. i'm not quite strong enough at the moment to do handstand pushups yet...and i need something to work the trap (mainly the two muscles extending horizontally from your neck...above your collar bone) and had no weights....

a pair of rollerblades and a pair of tequila bottles filled with water solved that problem.

i can do thirty of those now....i should be able to move onto the handstand pushups in a bit.

very proud of myself :)




atrophy