jack johnsn - *shrugs*
oh yeah

forgot to mention. last night i spent the night in brooklyn at my sister and brad's (bf) place. it was vanessa's birthday so, being broke, i told her i'd make her dinner instead of buying her somthing or taking her out :) she liked the idea. so i went out early and brad shopped and i made her teriyaki steak, this corn stuff, scalloped potatoes and fried portobellos. it was damn good, if you ask me :) she enjoyed it as well.

left with her as she went to work this mroning at like ten or so, got back and promptly went back to sleep :) i rule.


do it again

jack johnson - maybe
money

so i finally started taking tickets againf or acis again, which i may or may not have mentioned. either way..i forgot how frustrating this job is. troubleshooting is an unforgiving job. somewhat fulfilling when you're successful, but good god...stress i don't need right now. i just got back from working for TWO HOURS on this kid's computer. normally i would've given up soonr but the sad part was that i was making slow progress throughout those two hours....

turns out he had two virus'...one of them being loveletter which (when i'd left) had 2000 versions of itself (and counting) on his computer. quite an impressive virus, actually. it was started like four years ago and there's a gigantic list of variations of it. that one's gonna fuckin' be around forever, i swear. of course, just to get norton antivirus to WORK, i had to go through his computer and manually delete all kinds of spyware and shit programs that had piled up on his computer. such a pain in the ass. granted, i suck at this kind of thing....but hey, i think i did okay. what a nightmare. i should've just told him to reformat his computer since loveletter destroyed most of his media anyway.

*sigh* hey at least i made twenty bucks *shrugs*



grrr

jack johnson - on and on
fucking track

i hate the fucking track. we ran on it yesterday for ultimate conditioning...i only ran like twenty minutes. most of my muscles that were sore loosened up, but today my RIGHT shin and my LEFT quad are all tight.

i blame that godawful track. wtf is that shit!? never in my life have i experienced such weird muscle strain...it's a realy pain in the ass walking up stairs.

austin also mentioned shin pain in his RIGHT shin when i told him about this.

fuckin' weird.....

limp bizkit - boiler
loud

so we played poker last night, AGAIN. we're just gonna go every night, i swear. although maybe not tonight.. MAYBE.

in the end, after like four or five hours, i ended FIFTY CENTS UP!!! the funny thing is i barely moved. i went up maybe two bucks, down maybe two bucks, but finally won one last hand off don (flopped a flush, so sweet) and went up again for the night. not bad. won three bucks the night before. up something before. and down five once...so i'm pretty close to even. that's nice. better than last year when i just...always lost :) i guess i'm improving. it's a lotta fun.

i'm officially in hardcore moneysaving mode. i'm going to hopefully start cooking more to help that out, but yeah, we'll see if that happens. i have to save money for a couple weeks 'till i start getting some income again. starting to take tickets again for acis....that entails figuring out a few new problems (it's all documented, i just hve to read old emails) and dealing with more people who probably hate my guts. what a job!


alright, i'm off to do my first pset of the year. oh god. so much pain.

fin

thicker than water soundtrack
horrible dream

only a short piece that i rember so i'll put it here instead of the dream blob.

i was driving...details are unimportant (where/why...) but i ended up on this hill going really high up. it started raining hard as FUCK...one'a those that even w/ windshield wipers you can still barely see. either way this hill just gets steeper and steeper until i realize that my wheels start slipping on and off...then they slip completely and i start going backwards (there was a friend sitting with me, i don't remember who (hawaii friend). when i realize i have NO traction after flooring the gas pedal, i stomp on the breaks and the hood actually flies up 'cause i finally get some traction, but then the bounce as my hood crashes back down dislodges my wheels again and i'm sliding backwards with the breaks on and i see in my rearview mirror as all the cars behind me get dislodged as well and we all slide down backwards in an avalanche of headlights.....

i felt so horrible afterwards that it was my fault...i 'woke up' (in the dream) on a bus w/ all the people in the accident and being the first car, despite failing to figure anything i did wrong, i felt absolutely horrible, even when i woke up.

very disturbing.....



skid

jack johnson - stars, holes, heaven, something (i never really know titles)
back

ultimate is BACK. so nice. winterleague today was badass, despite the 12 degrees when we started. the cold got easier to handle once we got moving, so that was cool, but damn sitting still was painful.

my team (chang/trish/ramrod) went undefeated against what we think are the two bottom teams (although one was missing a fat out-of-shape christian : ) so that was cool. real test'll come next weekend, though. we have a good chance, but we'll have to be on.

my back unfortunately is weak right now...so i know i definitely have to start doing my excercises again. i guess surfing has done enough to keep my legs in shape, though 'cause they feel okay. i'm just REALLY not used to breathing this air....ugh. looking forward to more.

graham's birthday party last night was cool...DBQ and a bar called the slaughtering lamb where you can get beer by the YARD. one of his other friends bought it for him and he did indeed finish it despite being a lightweight....although he was TRASHED. a good show :) i had fun. met some cool peeps as well.

finally picked up the guitar again a night or two ago. turns out my acoustic DOES have the e string i always break...i could've sworn i'd broken it. oh well. learned a jack johnson song called 'moonshine' that's he my attention for a lot of the past week. such a pretty song...two guitars.


that's me for now.


grind

silence
quickie

just saw cold mountain with my sister. nicole kidman, renee zellweger...small parts w/ jena malone and natalie portman....awesome movie. close to three hours long...but a very cool story and nicely done. pretty fuckin' depressing throughout the entire thing and pretty disgusting shit throughout, but that's always fun :)

also watched 'thicker than water', this surf video i bought directed/filmed by jack johnson with a lot of his music in it as well. it was really fuckin' cool :) god i wanna surf already. if anyone wants to watch it you're welcome to borrow it. always lookin' to spread the love. or, shit, if you wanna watch it, come over, i'll watch it again.

not tired yet....i think i'll read some. ALMOST done with the wolves of calla.....so weird to have a book i look forward to reading.


winter league: chang, trish (captains), tao, blinn, catherine, mikeliu.

i'm pretty sure we fuckin' rock.



oink

thicker than water soundtrack
one one one two three four

last night was good. ate SO much!!! haha. columbia cottage with 30 peeps i think for chinese new year....thanks to chang for organizing that.

:although the last thing i reember was playing quarters...then i woke up at 7:30 this morning SITTING in a chair with a pillow in my arms...and goddamn it was freezing down there.

anybody know wtf happened to me?

haha, oh well. walking back in that weather, still trashed, and wearnig only a suit....holy SHIT that was uncomfortable. came back, stripped down to my boxers, and jumped under my warm covers :) nice feeling.


dinner/movies w/ vaness tonight


alohas

fischerspooner - emerge
pull up

so i was raelly scared to look at my cell phone bill 'cause i wasn't COMPLETELY sure i had the national plan w/ at&t...meaning i didn't know if i could call from hawaii for the same price as calling from nyc.

finally checked, turns out i'm in the clear.

i actualy used my phone a lot in hawaii. surfing is an interesting ordeal to meet someone 'cause sometimes you have to go looking for waves and don't really know where you'll be so me and myf riends were always calling eachother trying to coordinate. then there's my brother and sister, my parents, and onlly two cars. either way, i thought i'd make a lotta calls. in the end, i only used 190/250 minutes. i could've talked for like another hour, haha. funny how that happens. of cousre in nyc i use it even less 'cause everyone's so close and i'm always online.

*sigh* laziness ensues.

in other news, i really like anime sex! i don't mean like, anime porn. that tenticle sex is just...really fuckin' creepy. i don't understand the japanese sometimes :) no, what i mean is just like...sex scenes in anime. i'm always amazed at how they can put such realistc and i guess believable characteristics in these things. they're very touching. especially when in a show where every one just fuckin' KILLS eachother...and then there's this soft part of it that emerges (this is berserk). i guess the drama is part of the formula for a complete story, but it's....comforting...somehow. and it's just really hot, i guess :) i suppose perversion woud be easy if you have the power to create such realistic beings.

like weird science! if you could make a kelly lebrock, what would YOU do with her!? hah. good thing we're not endowed with such power....and good thing i can't draw for shit.


happy (chinese) new year


lee

delerium - innocente
lazy ass

so for the first time in my college career i'm copping out. me and chang and raj are taking this class called 'surfaces and knots' which looks like a total joke....should be easy enough. i'm taking it in place of 'universal timekeeper' which was also a joke, but now i get to participate in a joke with friends! sweet. honestly, though, i think my other classes will keep me more than occupied. went to sound and hearing today which was really cool. i already knew more than half of the 2.5 hour lecture but that's just 'cause of all the math and science i've been forced to take. yay. learned some cool shit about the ear, though. did you know the cochlea acts as a real-time biological spectrum analyzer? a spectral graph is a graph that shows individual frequencies in a signal. when you 'hear' something, it's actually a single wave, no matter how many sources. they all just add. in stereo systems, you can take a signal and through some circuitry, or in digital systems through algorithms, you can extract individual frequencies (essentially a number of sine waves of varying amplitude, phase and frequency). when a sound goes into your ear, it eventually gets to the cochlea in the inner ear which will basically be excited like a spectral graph. look on winamp...when a song plays, you see that thing that has a bunch of bars jumping up and down (i'm just being thorough, don't be offended), that's what the cochlea looks like....with much smaller movements of course. so when a certain region is 'excited', the hairs on it push and pull these gates which allow calcium and potassium ions to flow about which send neural signals or something...didn't quite understand that last part.

sorry for the geek talk. but it was really interesting :)


berserk

jack johnson - thicker than water soundtrack
as of now

here is my schedule:

Tue 11:00am - 12:15pm
834 SEELEY W. MUDD BUILDING EMBEDDED SYSTEM DESIGN
Tue 2:40pm - 3:55pm
301 PUPIN LABORATORIES UNIVERSAL TIMEKEEPER
Tue 6:50pm - 9:20pm
825 SEELEY W. MUDD BUILDING MUSIC SIGNAL PROCESSING

Wed 4:10pm - 6:40pm
834 SEELEY W. MUDD BUILDING SOUND AND HEARING

Thu 11:00am - 12:15pm
834 SEELEY W. MUDD BUILDING EMBEDDED SYSTEM DESIGN
Thu 2:40pm - 3:55pm
301 PUPIN LABORATORIES UNIVERSAL TIMEKEEPER


that 'universal timekeeper' class is supposed to be real easy, it's in the astronomy department *shrugs*. i just needed a filler. i already have three grad classes, two of which are going to require some in-depth project at the end of the year so i didn't want to take another class with that 'cause god knows i'm waiting 'till a week before ANYTHING is due.....

tuesdays could be brutal, but i imagine i'll be skipping timekeeper a lot :)


at least i get to get outa' mudd once in a while...don't even know when the last time that happened was....




i'm out.

nada
NY

back

safe

jetlagged

wide awake

buzzed

going out for more.




alohas

nada
fly

so in 24 hours i slept as much as i surfed (~7 hours). not bad. i'm sure the rest of the time i was just eating. i actually have a bit of a potbelly! wow. oh well, ultimate should work that off. on the plus side i have an upperbody now.

yesterday i almost stuck the tip of my board in my ear. instead i got the rail (lucky) to the ear. hurt like a bitch. today, i was on a wave but started getting sucked up by it (whitewash) and fell forward. usually when you fall off your board, it'll like fly up and away from you or something...but this time, i guess there was enough water pushing down on it 'cause it was heavy enough to go riding without me...right over me. i got a skeg just below the elbow...broke the skin! heh. not that i care about a little cut, but the bad part is that i had my arm up covering my fuckin' HEAD. that could've been bad.

yay surf injuries.

packin' up, shippin' out. i'll be back in nyc tomorrow evening (monday). i should sleep just FINE on the plane.


aloha

classic vh1, haha
christian i hate you.

ever since you told me about craigslist's "rants and raves" section, i've pretty much been checking it like 4-5 times a week. i check it more than BLOG, and i don't do anything more than i blog...okay maybe a few things.

regardless, it's fuckin' hilarious :) i recommend it to anyone: http://newyork.craigslist.com/rnr

i got sunburned yesterday 'cause i was out at diamond for FOUR HOURS across high noon...yeah, sould've taken a break and put on more sunscreen. at least i had a rashgaurd on so i only got burnt on my face and a LITTLE bit on my forearms. i should be okay by tomorrow....and sunday....my last two days of surf for what could be a long, long time.

at least i get to snowboard early feb. with steiner, catherine, max and another friend of mine, john. that SEAS trip, should be fun. we were going to someplace called smoker's notch but instead we're going to hunter 'cause a bunch of assholes (me included) forgot to turn in the deposit before break...oops.

i have a need
a need
for speed.



80's

shock video
so many naked people in this show....

heh, i love shock video.

either way, today i acidentally got my mom started about my mom and dad...oops. either way i eventually decided to actually 'talk' to her instead of let her talk. managed not to completely piss her off, that's good, but in the end...i feel exactly like i did before about the whole thing...interesting.

well, not EXACTLY...now i'm even more convinced my mom's depressed. my dad deals fine because he's always been fine alone and doesn't "always" need someone to talk to all the time. guess who i take after....

meh. did have an interesting experience at dinner, though. today was my dad's birthday...i successfully convinced my mother to come along (she was reluctant)...but in the end...the goddamn power went out! we had a windstorm today (50mph gusts sometimes i think) that knocked off a lotta the windward side this morning...and i think the power spike in the evening when everyone came home to turn on their tv's blew something and blacked out all of hawaii kai. we were at a restaurant that overlooked the busiest intersection in hawaii kai and could see much of the town (it's kinda high) into a few valleys. either way, without street lights this intersection was CRAZY. haha. there're two left turn lanes off this the highway onto another road.....and those two lanes were clearly dominating traffic flow, it was pretty funny. everything just trying to go straight (out of hawaii kai) got stuck 'cause everyone was making a left off the highway (kalanianaole highway if you're curious...i'll pronounce it for you if you ask). amazingly nobody crashed...even though there were a few ass holes who would just GO, disrupting the otherwise peaceful exchange...and it was peaceful, surprisingly. eventually there would be some good heart in the line that would stop and let some other bunch of people go.

either way, from up high through a big glass window, it was really cool. in the end we got soup, bread and a few drinks and decided to call it quits. the power had come back on TWICE...for af ew minutes...but then went out again and finally stayed out. we came home and i found myself readin gby candlelight and the power finally came back on...maybe a total of 2 hours out. not bad...but i really wanted to eat there :( awesome food. we'll go back.

thinking again about the friends i have around here...the list dwindles s'more....yay. now that everyone my age has gone back to school for the semester the only people here that i talk to are cat and kaipo. cat's two years older than me, kaipo graduated with me but goes to UH. kaips is a surf buddy, but a lot better than me so he goes to breaks i can't handle a lot. cat has been drama for me since like, frosh year in high school, but possibly the easiset person to talk to in my life. as long as we're not talking about what's "between us"...haha. damn girl always has a boyfriend...damnit. next year's going to be interesting...if i manage to get across the country. funny how this is the second time i'll be moving and the second time i'm realizing i'm not the person i want to be. maybe i should just plan to move ever few years so i'll be forced to rethink myself....but that could seriously decimate my list of friends throughout the years. or....just strengthen it, no matter how big. i suppose the best friends are the ones who i'll still talk with after a number of changes...no?

i've decided not to call all the people "i know" around hawaii this time around. yeah it would be nice to hang out...catchup and what not...but these are the people i feel like i might just be doing them a favor...so they don't have to pretend to enjoy talking to me. might be something else from my childhood but it takes a lot to convince me...and to force me convince myself....that someone really enjoys my company. i didn't get that much in highschool. i get it a lot more these days, which makes me feel better (one step closer?). i've always been the one to call everyone up and stuff...i figure either these people are either waiting for me to call or just aren't that interested in seeing me *shrugs*. i like to think that if they did they'd just call....so this time i'm leaving it at that. since i don't know when i'll be coming back to hawaii again...this may sever my ties with them completely....and for once that seems okay...

humans weren't made to travel so much...

i'm gonna try and drink myself to sleep now. surf it off tomorrow i guess.


poop

'faking it - surfer'
quack

i know at least krischelle will appreciate this 'cause we had a conversation about it, but i was just watching mythbusters and they were busting the myth that a duck's quack DOES NOT echo. they hired an 'acoustician', a scientist from meyer sound (who makes some of the best speakers in the world...top of the line for high-volume live concerts...god i wish i could work for them) to both listen and to plot the duck's quack and possible echo(s).

well, they found some interesting things. as a base line they took a recording of the duck's quack in an acoustically baffled room (i.e. completely void of echos)...like a sound booth in music recording. when they took the plot of it (the waveform) the dude found something interesting...the duck's quack basically resembles an exponentially decaying signal. to try and help you visulaize, a gunshot or a clap would be a spike....a gunshot or clap in an empty warehouse (i.e. w/ echos) would be a set of exponentially decaying spikes. identicaly in frequency spectrum, but each one smaller in magnitude until it is ultimately gone.

so what this means is that a duck's quack sounds like it's own echo. if you think of a duck's quack, it sounds like a rapid succession of clicks (for lack of a better word)....similar to if you pursed your lips and blew. it's not really a sound....it's a percussive sound repeated over and over. SO, what that means is that when the quack echos (which it does indeed echo, as i'll explain), it sounds exactly like the original quack. physically, it's just a bunch of those little clicks adding together. mathematically, if you add an exponentially decaying series (the original signal) to another exponentially decaying series (the echos of each individual click), you get an exponentially decaying signal that might have a slightly longer duration and a different rate of decay (slower)....but apparently small enough that it's not discernable by the human ear.

hmm...that was kind of long winded. hope it made sense. i really love this sound stuff :)


echo

donnie darko
wings

last night a friend of mine came over to watch a movie and have a few beers. we met at blockbuster to get a movie but she got lost in koko marina (mall) and couldn't find it so we got to blockbuster 10 minutes before midnight (closing time) and quickly picked up shanghai knights.

came home...watched the movie...and i have no fuckin' clue what happened in the movie 'cause we were talking the whole time with small breaks to watch fight scenes. very happy realization at the end of a movie that i'm drunk AND clueless about the movie. a rather unhappy realization, however, that i haven't had such great enjoyable conversation in a long time...muchless with a friend from home.

hoping to remedy that...


cat

harry potter and the sorcerer's stone
up north

been awhile, once again. that's 'cause i've spent the last two days up at the north shore (fyi, i live about five minutes from the south tip of o`ahu). wednesday morning i woke up at like 7:30am, dropped my mom off at work in waimanalo, and drove up to wahiawa to thomas' house. we hung out there for a bit and then went to ehukai to surf. was HOT, man. 3-4, somtimes bigger, reasonably clean conditions. we were out in the water for close to four hours....damn was i tired. i caught some of the biggest waves of MY life...and also got some of the biggest wipeouts, haha. hell what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. learned a lot about what i can handle.

slept over at thomas' house after a bbq and jeremy narca's house. we were planning on going surfing again the next morning and i wasn't thrilled about the idea of driving home 45 minutes buzzed and then back up the next morning and thomas offered to put me up for the night (my mom got a ride so she didn't need the car). went out the next morning a bit later (closer to noon) and surfed again until about 3. yesterday (thursday) was even BIGGER, and this time it grew teeth. the wind picked up and put a nasty chop in the waves making it tough as hell. i caught like, two waves and a whole bunch caught ME. definitely the most dangerous conditions i've ever been out in but i managed not to drown. did get scared a few times...like when my hair came undone and wrapped around my face and i couldn't breath. yeah that wasn't fun. speaking of which when i finally came home i had my mom trim it. i can still put it up in a ponytail, but a very small one. cut off about five or six inches....i'm still deciding whether i want it like this or if i should chop it more. we'll see.

so yeah, 'nother three hours and three near-drownings later i finally came home for a few hours. only to go bck out to this club called ocean's in town...which by far had the highest concentration of the HOTTEST fuckin' women i've ever seen. SO many that were my type of hot. which is rare :) the hottest one being this girl that looked like milla jovovich with brown eyes wearing fishnet stockings and knee-high black leather boots. *sigh* if only i had game. well, even if i did, i'll only be here for a little more than a week....

so yeah, i had a nice time. got home at like 4:30am after eating at likelike drivein (an old school 24/7 diner) with thomas and i woke up at about 2:30 this afternoon. perhaps the best three days of my life: surf, eat, drink. surf, eat, drink. SLEEEEEEEP.

i love my life here.


guava jelly

teen wolf (hbo)
ahhhh

so i've been home all day besides dropping my mom off at work this morning so i could get a car....but then i never dida nything with the car :) i cruised some'a the south shore beaches on the way home...but there were no waves at all which is mostly why i didn't go out again. ehh, had a relaxing day instead. slept a shitload...which was needed since i was out 'till like 3:30 last night (that's late for hawaii) and actually ended up drinking kind of a lot. went to zippy's afterwards to sober up :) we were commenting afterwards (me and nick) asking how many lives we thought zippy's saved by sobering up drunk drivers (it's open 24/7)

lotsa people came out. thomas, his friend JJ, nick, cat, landon, mike, mahea, scott and eli. thomas, jj and nick ended up on my end of the island towards dusk looking for waves (which there were none) and came over and helped finish our leftovers from holiday parties. after that we gathered everyone we could find and told 'em to come to dave & busters. good times. ended up at ryan's after that 'cause we wanted to just sit and jj got booted 'cause he forgot his ID at thomas' house :) oh well. good times.

seems i may actually still have friends in hawaii, heh heh.

i'm thinking more and more about what life after college is gonna be like. i think i'm going to change a lot....a lot simply because i'll have the opportunity to. i mean, nobody's going to know me there. it was the same way when i went to college. i've talked a lot about how much i've changed since graduating high school but somehow i've locked myself into a lifestyle i don't think i belong in. i think i'll be happier finding some middle ground. hopefully i haven't forgotten how to make friends :)




life.

spiderman
fin

PRNCPLS OF DEVICE MICROFA A-
ANALOG ELECTRONIC CIRCUIT B+
SIGNALS AND SYSTEMS II B
SOLID ST,MICROWAVE,FIBER B+
DATA STRUCTURES IN JAVA B

3.261 for the semester. heh heh. can't lose.



bring it

silence
cross

so today was a pretty nice day. it's been raining here for like a week...and it just stopped yesterday. i've been meaning to go to one of the many waterfalls around the island so i went to manoa falls today with my mom. it's an easy hike so there wasn't any real danger for her. the trail held up really nice, that one's out of water's way so it didn't get damaged much, and the waterfall was really strong :) very cool. i went once during the summer and it wasn't much but a trickle. manoa falls connects to about three other trails and i've probably been up to it (branching off somewhere afterwards) over a dozen times. those trails are by far my favorites...i know them all pretty well by now.

after that we came home, and i was bored and it was just beautiful about so i went out to kewalo's to surf. it was really tiny, but still rideable...and unfortunately low tide. i cut up my feet in what looks like five places...one of them might be two in close to the same spot. i got one slice on the side of my right foot that somehow turned into a cross....i can't really figure out how that could happen. i got them all by kicking rocks...instead of being dragged over them...so they're all shallow. i'm not even going to bother to clean them.

paddling in after the sun had already set....i broke my heart. kewalo's isn't really a 'beach' in the classical sense. it's a basin, actually. there's a channel that was cut into the reef (i can't imagine it being natural) that goes into a small boat harbor and there're these walls made of boulders lining it. so to get in and out of the water, you jump off this rock wall from this pier jutting out (it's not high....maybe five feet)......and then you have to climb up them to get out. well...since it was really low tide the rocks were really slippery.....and a wave came as i was coming up and i lost my grip on my board and it got kind of pushed up with the rising water and punctured a hole in the deck with a sharp rock :( i almost cried. it had to happen sometime, i guess....but the poor thing's only like two weeks old! i suck. either way, at least it was as i was leaving so it was already dry-ish (not soaked in) so i'm letting the repair resin dry on it right now. it should be ready by tomorrow....this stuff usually dries pretty fast.

it's always interesting in these sports that require elaborate equipment....skiing, snowboarding, surfing....you go out and buy this 4-500 dollar piece of equpiment and proceed to beat it up. so painful!



crunch crunch

tv - bluetorch (extreme sports...i.e. surf)
awol

what does awol mean, anyway? either way, sorry i've been awol. yeah...three days is awol to me. lot's been happinin'.

first off, new year's eve party was really fun. i spent a lotta the night getting my family drunk. made a few pitchers of margaritas...found out one of my uncles' favorite drinks is a martini....found out gin is actually good in a martini (tanqueray, granted)...got trashed, burned a lotta shit...and somehow managed not to burn myself. actually rather impressive considering i was running around barefoot a lotta the time. yeah i'm an idiot :) but a lucky idiot. doesn't that count for anything?

the next day was much, much less than the new year's i was expecting. me and my sister woke up late...she ws hungover like hell, poor girl. my mom was in a mood and without a word took beau (our dog) in the van and went to the beach.

to our surprise she runs in the house when she comes home about a half hour later crying and frantically trying to dial something on the phone. my first thought was that she'd killed beau 'cause she kept calling for me (he's my dog) and i couldnt' think of any other reason she'd call ME (my 'older' sister and dad were in the house)...but she was crying because she had the headache from hell and really just could-not-think. she was dialing the hospital. we called the hospital and she asked me to drive her there...and i did...stiffling tears the entire way but i was okay when we got there. we waited in the waiting room for like an HOUR or somethign close to it....finally she got triaged and eventually got stuck on a bed in a hallway awaiting a cat scan and getting an IV for nausea (the headache was that bad).

luckily the cat scan came back fine and she was diagnosed with a severe migraine and perscribed to ib's and codeine.

*whew* that was quite a scare. my mom isn't one to complain about pain a whole lot. she's had her share of ailments (including thyroid cancer) and she's a medtech...so she knows when things are serious which is the reason i was so scared...because SHE was terrified. *shakes off goosebumps*. she's fine now. still taking pain killers for very mild pain...but she seems okay. she felt really bad that we missed our family new years' day party (we waited for her in the hospital for about six hours) but i would not have been comfortable at all leaving without knowing what was wrong.

after that it's been kinda quiet. just chillin' and watchin' some movies and spending vanessa's last copule days here with her. she left today. she had the wrong date in mind for her departure and she'd bought two tickets to the kokua festival with jack johnson for tonight. unable to go with me i took my mom :) she likes jack and there were some other local artists playing that i knew she'd like and she did. it was...interesting going with my mom. it was a chill concert but at the same time i didn't have the freedom to walk around and get in the crowd and stuff 'cause i didn't think she'd enjoy that very much and i didn't wanna ditch her. music was frickin' awesome :) yeah i would've liked to walk around, but it was a small price to pay to have fun with my mom. she enjoyed herself a lot. she and my dad haven't exactly been getting along for the past year...wasn't so bad at first but it kept spiralling downward and now they barely talk. grr.

first time in my life i've had this problem. i don't wanna get into it much but all my life my parents hve done everything in their power to give us what they thought we needed. in the end, though, i think they gave us too much 'cause now that we're all gone...they've lost touch with each other. now that i'm the one home...i've become the 'go-between' to hand messages back and forth between them and i haven't decided how much of an active role i want to take in their marriage considering i'm the youngest of three. frustrating...

hmm..i'm gonna drink a martini.


glug