foiled again

so after sleeping for a good portion of today after going to bed at like 5am last night (and waking up to help my mom into a cab and say goodbye at 8am)...here i am again. i was going to go out and try and find some people to chill with...but couldn't, really. my friend ana hit me up (perhaps the one girl i actually regret dumping) for drinks sometime before i leave but our schedules didn't line up so well tonight...she'll probably come by arlene's tomorrow and then go home to her boyfriend's...eric came into town as well to drop off his brother but with nobody else to drink with (no offense eric) i didn't really want to make the 1 hr. trek to columbia to drink with someone who couldn't offer me a bed (would've been maybe 1.5 hrs. back down here at whatever hour drinking usually ends).

so...i chilled here and drank whiskey 7's and watched movies with my brother and sister, who were also dead, but have to work tomorrow. and now they're asleep...and i'm...insomniac'd. i did have a pretty good buzz goin' but that's all gone to hell. my sister has the ny times as her homepage...so i started reading that...blogging and hackers and passwords and online gambling and raising a kid in las vegas....everything i read was kinda depressing and i've sobered up and am getting a headache. how do i do this to myself?

sent out that last party-request email today as well. newsgroup and any emails i could think off off the top of my head. for those of you who it didn't reach, either DBQ or carmine's wednesday night followed by some drinkage. email me or comment (w/ your email address) if you're interested. i'm leaving thursday morning. or, i'll also be at christian's show tomorrow night (tuesday) at arlene's grocery. check out hellonurse.com for details.

and that'll be it. two more nights...and new york will be 5000 miles behind me. my tendency now is to go back to grad school after the 18 month 'program' i'm gonna go through in hawaii...but who the hell knows how i'll feel in 18 months. maybe i can make a badass salary after that, work for 15-20 years, buy a big house and make a recording studio...all in the sun and the sand and the surf and the...pace. i'll definitely be a different person there. nothing like here where on any night most of the time i could at least get two or three people to come out drinkin' with me. now...there's maybe two or three people back home that i'd even WANT to hang out with. i haven't been so good about keepin' up relationships these past two years. i was at first...but i started to get aggravated when i'd try and get people together and they'd just end up sitting at home watching tv. i gave up to just see who would contact me instead and needless to say, i was a bit dissapointed. i was always one of the ones to get people together, even back home. was i just letting them off the hook by not calling them lately? who knows. i barely care. i got my surfboard, my cleats, guitars, a water bottle and a cell phone (to call 911 when i break my leg in the mountains)...and my mom. i think i can live alone. i think i can be alone. for a little while.

at some point i will have to make an effort to meet people again, though. not sure i now how to do that anymore...always kind of fell in my lap. but hell, i am where karma goes to die (sorry spoots)...maybe i don't have to worry about it.

and this is why i don't drink alone. i get depressed.



pixie

lots

my last weekend in the big apple...i've had a lot on my mind lately (i'll try not to blog it ALL right now ;)

biggest on my mind has been the next two years of my life, naturally. unfortunately the long subway rides home and the monotonous wanderings around the city my mom seems to enjoy have offered ample time to start the inevitalbe 'breakdown' of what my life is going to be like. day to day...night after night...*sigh*. my mom leaves tomorrow morning, and i can't sleep. brother and sis are asleep, both off work tomorrow. i think we might just chill. we've been doing some touristy crap EVERY FRICKIN' DAY lately 'cause my mom's a mom. a lot of it was enjoyable...but after being here for four fuckin' years i don't need to play tourist for so many days in a row. a museum a fuckin' SEMESTER was enough for me...but somehow i've been to like four in the past week (museum of natural history, brooklyn museum of art, something something of photography, guggenheim). all this while partying like i don't know when i'll be with both my brother and sister at the same time again...which i don't.

just a tough schedule, but i can at least relax now. thinkin' about it...i don't enjoy new york city all that much in the daytime. i mean what do we do here when the weather's nice? pretend we're not in new york. find a park and toss, ultimate somewhere, lie on the grass...i guess the one cool thing i REALLY enjoyed about nyc in the day was urban blading. i really wanted to go on a few more of my epic blading adventures (which i'd gone on w/ christian or brian or others to a lesser extent) but i really had to ship as much as i could for just practicallity..which meant the blades went. of course even if i had 'em i woulda' felt bad about bailing on my mom...

so now i can just sleep for a couple days anytime the sun is up :) you know...like i used to.

but yeah...home. in yet another insomniac daze i donned headphones and surfed the web out of boredom (i rarely 'surf' the web...usually just check a buncha' blogs). ended up reading boingboing.net, nytimes of all things, and eventually started searching hawaii things. honolulu seems to have gotten a craigslist recently. nowhere near as lively as NYC...but budding. also started crusin' the friendster-esque profile linkage shit in blogger. changed my hometown to honolulu in anticipation (felt like a part of me died?) of my final move...then clicked the link to see who else blogs from hawaii. interesting mix of people. pretty funny that ONE person had about half my amount of posts...and i think the rest of them averaged about...25 posts. my life in hawaii is definitely not gonna be a cyber-life.

surf, as i said, can be a solitary thing. i kind of like it that way a lotta the time but it's nice to go out with friends as well. hiking...some hikes are dangerous to go on alone. kid from my elementary school who i vaguely remembered died a few years ago hiking alone. they didn't find him for three days. i fully intend to get a motorcycle drivers licence and get a sports bike. money permitting... what else. bar scene is skanky. music scene is kinda sad. so yeah...coming from new york i'll be doing a complete 180 and turning into a day person :)

plans so far about my nights mostly entail pursuing the art and music i put aside for 'studies' (read: drinking my stress away). plannin' on playing a lotta guitar. learning protools. maybe trying to find/build a band again. learn drums (christian once told me that lead singers always wanna try drums and drummers always try lead at some point...). i wanna get back into ceramics...

some of you may not know this about me, so i'll brag a little. i never got a job until like my sophomore year in college. i never needed one 'cause i made a lotta money selling my pottery. my learned pottery about 25 years ago and through our childhood she did craft fairs and everything. we have a full studio at home, including clay in various stages and neglected buckets of glaze which need some attention...but yeah. i never learned until my brother got into it his senior year (my frosh) in high school. even then i insisited on teaching myself. eventually took it independantly up at school...we had the second best studio in the state (after UofH). my teacher loved me and i taught me almost every technique there is to know. i even taught him a little when i learned how to do crystal glazes (very complex process and delicate chemistry to create zinc orthosilicate crystals that seem to float on the surface of a pot). i almost dominated the art show 'cause i had so many pieces (i spent a lotta time in the studio) and that's when i got my break. one of the librarians who just loved me asked if my pots were for sale...which i hadn't even considered being at a school art show. i said why the hell not, gave her a price (modest) and she took it and told her friends. in about a year and a half i easily made a few thousand dollars...but that eventually ran out :)

so yeah. that'd be fun to get back into.

mmm..big blogs. i try to avoid these. oh well.

who survived?





*computer hum*

so how much do i suck

don't answer that.

in my infinite wisdom and vacation-like coherence....i managed to drag my mom, sister, and brother to the area of irving plaza for dinner these evening so we'd be there for hepcat at 8pm.

too bad hepcat's playing tomorrow (saturday). i fucking rule. i've been running it through my head and can't figure out how i did that (even have the tickets on willcall). the best part is that about a week ago, when i was asking my bro if he wanted to go, i did indeed tell him saturday. then when i ws talkin' to my sister yesterday about it she said i'd told her friday and lewis was saying saturday. i said lewis is full'a crap and heard me wrong (which was actually 'read' on IM). and yeah, i'm an idiot.

actually that's not the best part. the best part is that i was talkin' to my sister about it for the sole purpose of her buying tickets to Avenue Q (gay porno puppets! genius!) sometime when we weren't at hepcat...sooo...yeah...she picked saturday since hepcat was on 'friday'. but then, in my infinite karma-killing capabilities, she got a matinee show for 2pm 'cause it was cheaper and saturday just turned into an amazing fuckin' day.

how do i do it *shakes head*.


and yo, is anybody doing anything cool for memorial day? we need a party to go to. or just somewhere to drink :)


oh, and just so i can find it, found this cool site called
wannasurf.com that has a list of surf breaks all over the world (including hawaii) and places where people can comment. spent like an hour going through my breaks...*sigh* less than two weeks and i'm fuckin' THERE. very happy to say that i found that link through gmail's little 'scam' as people think it is. the reason (i think) they can make this shit free is 'cause they send their google engine through your emails searching for keywords and put TEXT advertisements in the right pane of the email window. i was talkin' to janet (ultimate janet from our frosh year) about surfing and that site came up...so i clicked it...and the ball kept rolling.

fun. i am a happy tool :)



boom baba boom baba boom....

...

baba boom baba boom.



(name it)

remote

mmm....chillin' in lerner. i did a lot of this that summer i stayed in the city 'cause i didn't have internet in my apartment. that was...interesting.

had a sweet night last night. drank way too much. all my money's gone. and i've got the headache to prove it. golf didn't happen. trish, kelsey, some girl named....er...a something...alicia?, and corey came out. it started pouring so we just went and drank at the heights. then i crashed at brian's place (i was out with him earlier).

and here i am, nothing to do, on a campus that used to be mine. *sigh*

brother's friend back home found a possible car for me. '87 corolla, $500 bucks. he says it is 'the' car for drifting :) so maybe i'll bring it to the tracks sometime, haha. that'd be sweeeeet.


badaboom


big badaboom

rawk

so a few days ago, i was walkin' down into the subway out here in brooklyn and this little black kid..prolly 'round ten years old...stops dead in the middle of hte starwell and asks me, "are you a rockstar?"

i laugh and reluctantly tell him no.

that made my day.



rock on

spectacular monday

my dad left this morning, and my sis had to go to work...and i realized that the only thing there is to do during the day in nyc is shop (it's raining). so i told my mom she was on her own 'cause i had an important appointment with cable tv :)

still hasn't quite sunken in that i don't have to go back to school...i kind of think it never will. my mom's quite a drama queen and always expects me to start jumping up and down or something every time she asks me how it feels to be done (she asks me OFTEN). but i just shrug. yeah i won't have to go back to school. but it's not like my life's over. i'm just movin' on to something else. a new set of responsibilities, worries...hell, maybe even more. sure, it's exciting when i think about it...but i haven't felt any great sense of RELEASE yet. maybe once i get my feet back on the ground...or in the water, heh heh.

lots else has been on my mind as well. for one thing...i'm gonna have to figure out an entirely new device to meet new people. i mean, school is school. sports, music, art...i've always met people through school groups (band, ceramics, ultimate...) but now i won't have that. seeing how hawaii works, i'll probably be workin' with a buncha' old guys wondering who this newbie is. surfing is a relatively solitary sport once your out in the water. friendly, yes, but solitary (unless you bring friends). ultimate? i was always one'a the youngest out there playing, but they're fun people, maybe i'll start hangin' out with them off the field?

oh, and yeah, i'll be living with my mother :) you thought i got no ass in college with a single bedroom? heh, can you divide zero?


fun.

but exciting, still :)



peace

phase done

i am fuckin' DONE.

$235
6 boxes
3-5 weeks to hawaii (i'll be home in about 2.5, perfect)

sweetness. the rest of my shit (airplaneable) is here with my at my sister's place in sunset park, brooklyn i think it's called (closer to coney island than anything). cunix is still alive, drop me an email and i'll drop you my gmail. i'll learn from christian's flop that i shouldn't post it here :)

can always reach me at 917-331-0893. i'll be here in NYC 'till the morning of june 3rd and am looking for any type of party, anytime :) starting with christian's party tonight.



booyah!

phase...er...6/7/8

gotten to that point where i'm not worrying anymore so i'm fuckin' around. watched 'thicker than water' (jack johnson's surf vid) twice...the second time with commentary. seeing as i'm going to be surfing in a week and a half in socal and surfing back home a week after that...surfing's been stealing my thoughts over sex every 90 seconds or whatever that stat is. or maybe they're just staggered now....at

thought(0seconds) = sex;
thought(45) = surf;
thought(90) = sex;
thought(135) = surf;
thought(180) = sex;
thought(225) = surf;
thought(270) = sex;
thought(315) = surf;
thought(360) = sex;

thought (361) = PACKING!!!!! shit;


it's a lot harder to pack shit up when you're shipping off to an island chain 5000 miles away. man..the past three moves were like...stuff in box, stuff in box, stuff in box, duct tape. stuff in box, stuff in box, stuff in box, duct tape. now i gotta be all methodical and figure out how much this is going to cost...(over $200) so i've already trashed three garbage bags worth of shit....so painful :(


on the other hand i finally have time to listen to this Static-X promo cd i got from my sis. they're pretty hot :) happily angry, good for packing motivation.

or....headbanging with a mohawk.



*bang bang bang bang*

stage 4/5/6

had a break, had dinner with the 'rents. sent a guitar and a snowboard back to my sister's place with them. lookin' through more drawers and piles...found a birthday card from my grandma (not sure which birthday):

"Hi Jess,
I'm so proud of you. I'm only 5' tall but I feel like I'm 7' like Yao!!...."

made me feel all warm and gushy inside :)



smoosh

phase2/3/4?

sooo i've made large headway. so much for the play by play. emptied all the cupboard spaces above the dresser, got all my books in boxes. blades, shoes, notebooks, amp, blanket....most of the 'stuff' is packed up. i started to hit the clothes, threw away a small handful of items and came upon a box i've been keepint my 'records' in for the past five or six years. found tons of bank statements and receipts of shit i've already lost/broke...letters, postcards....couldn't help but get really nostalgic. found a few letters between me and lindsay...that old, old girlfriend of mine from highschool (first girlfriend). god, those were painful to read. some nice ones, though. well, nice in a...mildly relieving sort of way, i guess.

to this day...i still haven't liked a girl like i liked her. it's kinda sad, really. nowadays no girls just strike me like she did. hot, yes. but not the personality. maybe it's nyc? maybe i'm just stressed? maybe i'm just young? who knows. either way, now i'm all full of those emotions one has when he/she finishes four years of something....anything...and just thinks back.

i hate packing.



little boy.

packing up play by play

hah, yeah this is just procrastination

stage 1:

trash. the funny thing is...almost all the trash and crap and stuff i've collected really does have a place in my heart. i remember where almost all these stupid little things came from and a part of me dies every one i have to part with.


*sigh*

1/2

mm...class day. it actually wasn't as painful as i thought it would be. i think mostly because i was smiling the entire time accepting compliments on my clown shoes :)

yes. i walked in clown shoes.

i rule.

and i'm gonna graduate tomorrow in clown shoes as well. because i rule. haha. it was fun. afterwards i had a few beers with my parents at the heights (flying dog pale ale is GOOD) and took a nap. met up with my parents, sister, and austin's family of NINE at symposium and had a gargantuan dinner. i'm still full. austin's grandfather is unbelievable. and crazy. i thought i was an adrenaline freak...this guy's got the metal plate in his arm to prove it. i had an awesome time talkin' with him and his wife.

good times all around. and i finally found my brother :) he just flew into jersey. won't be able to make commencement unfortunately, but should meet up with us tomorrow night.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

bigass mutha'fuckin' party up in christian's joint this friday. kegs. bands. the roof. yeah. talk to one of us about it, i'll definitely be going. as will my sis and austin.



*bouncey bounce*

balls

so bloggers comments suck monkey balls (sign in? bullshit) so i put haloscan's back in. comment away!

and yo, i get a free cap and gown (~$40) 'cause i was so fuckin' late pickin' it up that they don't have any more. i have to go back tomorrow morning before class day and for my troubles, it's free!

i rule. stoops. i stole more karma.




yoink!

oh alright

fooled around with it a bit, setup a profile...i'm gonna have to learn this whole css thing so i can fuck with this template and make it not look like what the rest of the blogging community is going to look like...title on top...sidebar on the right...posts on the left....blah blah

i just wanna be different.

...well...i am pink now....haha. for some reason i like it. the template's got the word 'rose' somewhere in the name...i can live with that.

i'm out..sleepy time for this one.


fuzz

boo

hey, it's almost red. what can i say?

Blink 182

wrap


wraaapping up my time here. did my student loan exit interview...retarded...but i guess good for them to track people who don't pay (they ask for LOTS of info so you can't hide). just emailed my advisor to fix my DAR once and for all. i don't know why but EVERY FUCKING SEMESTER, the same mistakes i fixed the semester before go right back to being wrong. dumbasses. they better not fuck with me.

looking through my DAR was kind of interesting...that massive list of 'courses taken' is HUGE after four years. i was getting all nostalgic about my earlier classes and how much trouble i had with them. now? shit..that stuff was cake. if i'd known what i was getting myself into back then...i would've been pretty scared. not saying i woulda' quit (i'm pretty stubborn, i hate folding ;). just scared.

mom's in town. dad's comin' in tomorrow. bro's comin' in wednesday? i think so.

cleaned like 200+ emails out of my box.

nwo i'm gonna watch tv.




skank

spacemen - communion

done


done?
done.
done?
done.
done?
done.
done?
done.
done?
done.
done?
done.
done?
done.
done?
done.
done?
done.
done?

beer.

Group H - with or without you

WE WIN!!!


so my MSP group made this song w/ protools betwen a dorm room and an imaging lab over about a week. the song is hardlinked a few posts down, but you can get it at that website i just linked.

and guess what?

we won :) well...'won' meaning the five of us each got a t-shirt that says "Music Signal Processing, E4896" with a clipart microphone. heh, pretty cute. it was based pretty much on how much work we put in methinks. there were a few other projects that sounded really good, but as far as technical crap goes, we seem to have played around the msot with effects and fine tuning and nitpicking and trying to make it sound as best as we could....it was a lotta fun, too :)

nice way to end the class. oh...and the final wasn't horrible, either.


*gleeeeee*

all-american rejects - time stands still

it's on


wed.
7-10 Music Signal Processing
thurs.
1-4 Surfaces & Knots
4-7 Sound &Hearing
7-graduation amcaff?

possible 30 hour study binge starting...now. no...wait....NOW....okay okay. soon.



*bouncing*

Anabolic Frolic - Shooting Star

yeah, happy hardcore....


so blog just turned into an even higher level of 'fad'. didn't think that was possible. it's enough so that i'm already feeling rebellious against the thing...why am i like that? haha.

ehh, fuck it. i like bloggin' enough. should i change my template?

well, those two nasty projects are fuckin' DONE. if i play my cards right i may never have to code anything but Matlab ever again...and i actually like matlab now. our embedded project never did work...but fuck it. i'm not worried about the grade all that much. i think we'll be okay.

i really should do some work now...but instead i think i'll just sleep...i'm very relaxed right now. no sense getting all worked up again.



*techno head-boppin'*

yellowcard - back home

ONE DOWN!!!


so we finished our music signal processing project today. the project was to basically create a song using protools...and at the end compress wht whole thing with a digital sample-based compressor made in matlab. here's our final mix of U2's "with or without you":


With or Without You

nowhere near perfect...but the time we put in and the amount that we learned doing it makes me FUCKING PROUD OF IT.

: )

i play a lotta the guitar parts and a couple vocal harmonies.....

and i'm pretty sure i'm buying protools at some point in my life.

and pirating Matlab....disgusting...i know...but it's earned a place in my heart.




boooiiinnng

yellowcard - one year, six months

16 hour day


yup. 16 hours. had a quick break for lunch in transit from schapiro to CEPSR...and another quick break where i was suckered into free pizza to do my SEAS course evals. loooong day. but our msp project is almost done and it sounds really cool :) the lab in CEPSR had a digi02 which is a panel of dials and buttons and sliders that you can use to control protools. much more convenient than clickin' with a mouse....and so much more 'real'.

so yeah, our song rocks. i like it a lot. i'll get an mp3 up eventually... we were up there 'till about a half hour ago..a.nd there was a pair of mackie PA speakers sittin' in a corner and two ultimate speaker stands...so we set that shit up and made the room shake :) that was nice. i really think i might invest in protools when i get home. it's a good start.

embedded on the other hand is suckin' hardcore. i hate that class. i just want it to end. every day we touch it my 'goal' for the project drops a notch. meh.

i need some sleep.



forget.

yellowcard - rock star land

la musica


so for my musical signal processing class, our final project is to basically make a song. the basis of it is pro tools but we have a list of things we have to accomplish, including coding a digital effect through matlab (oooh...fuuuun).

either way, using protools has been really fun lately. we're doing U2's "with or without you" (don't worry, i'm not singing....lead at least). it's comin' along really fun and seeing it come to life has been fuckin' awesome. new plans involve going home, puttin' up some acoustic foam somewhere in my house and buying protools and some RAM expansions for my computer....i could have a lotta fun with this...amybe one day i'll put together a real studio. that would be..well...heaven.

i could advertise to bands to come live in hawaii for a few months wihle they record their album. how's that for relaxation and insipration??? i wonder if it would work.

hmm....life.


bump

The Squeeze - tempted by the fruit of another

ridiculosity


so what have i been doing for the past hour? researching Sasser. this new virus/worm going around that's spreading like a cyber wildfire of sorts. i know for a fact it's eating columbia. it might be a few different ones, though. there's at least four strains of sasser at the moment (a-d) each getting progressively worse.

goldman sachs was shut down for FOUR HOURS yesterday or today, i forget which. i can't imagine how much money that cost.

my sister works for MTV, and they're almost completely infected. her computer may have been the worst....it gets the blue screen of death on startup and immediately reboots/shuts down. she said all her coworkers are shutting down within 10 minutes. she's freakin' out.

i heard sasser was on CNN a little while ago but i haven't seen it yet. maybe i'll go look for that. either way, if you think you might have it, or even if you don't, MAKE SURE YOU RUN A WINDOWS UPDATE as soon as possible. and there's a fixtool for it here. just follow the directions.


whoever wrote this should go to that special hell.



shot.

black eyed peas - shut up

austin *shakes head*


austin can't throw a party :) haha, naw, i shouldn't blame him. people just didn't wanna party tonight. i suppose people could still be finishing work...but i doubt it. and refuse to believe it. mostly 'cause i do too and i don't wanna think about it.

but hey, we did at least decide on havin' the end-of-the year blowout this saturday night. probably be at chang/rachel's place 'cause they like the idea of a keg. i would've liked to have a party at our place, but what can ya' do. i think my favorite party this year was the halloween party 'cause everyone got so into it. there was barely anybody who didn't get into it and dress up and have a good time. i heard some small group'a barnard girls decided the ultimate team throws good parties after that and showed up to our next party which was the chance/plinkaplinka party w/ goose's "contraption" and glass' lack of a land shark. haha...poor barnard girls :)

but yeah, halloween was awesome. too bad nobody gets into it anymore. never liked drinking games a whole lot. not sure what i DO like about parties besides getting really drunk and yelling at people and dancing in women's clothes. i mean...dancing...yeah. i usually end up in enjoying just about anything. even if people are just playin' drinking games, i kinda like hangin' out and watchin'...i have no problem getting drunk on my own ;) i just sit around and wait for someone to give me something to yell about. or punch about. or...something i'll probably stop doing in the next couple years or so. oh well.

really...what DOES make a good party?



thoughts

yellowcard - sureshot

boilin' down


so the year's comin' to an end, finally. instead of being absolutely insanely can't-help-myself happy, i find myself just trying not to think about it. like it's too big or something to really give it justice...i'll just let it come, if that makes any fuckin' sense (i vote nay).

ultimate ended horribly dissapointingly, but whatever. it was a good run for the four years. i've made friend for life and found a sport for life. what more could i ask for? i went into the weekend really not fired up. way too much happening and my back hasn't been feeling at all well since sectionals. i played it off sometimes...but when i'm wakin' up about half my mornings (i use the term morning loosely) with a sore back, i worry. and yeah, i was NOT on at al at regionals. throws weren't there, catches weren't there, feet weren't there. really ahrd to get kickstarted and into the zone when i can't do anything right. but hey, what can i do. i don't know what else i could've done, and i have no regrets...yet.

so that means no seattle, and i'm free to do as i wish. i'l be heading to huntington beach, cali to visit my brother for th efirst time at his new place there on my way home to hawaii. job search is suckin'. hawaii really does bite when it comes to that but what can ya' do. far from givin' up yet, thoguh. just hard to do from 5000 miles away.

projects have had progress lately.

finals can wait 'till the weekend.

plans can wait a bit.

but the beer is already in the fridge!


partyparty. 8pm, hogan2b




kerplunk