Burn it Off

my self-inflicted panopticon failed.

1.30.2006

only papa moai would understand

holy fucking shit, my prayers may have been answered. does anybody remember how PISSED OFF i get at the mere mention of hawaii's retarded state fish? the humunukunukuapua`a? aka. HAWAIIAN REEF TRIGGERFISH....hawaiian fucking reef triggerfish, also found in california and mexico..and all over the fuckin' pacific. what jackass chose that dumb fish to be our state fish...with all the fuckin' fish that are ONLY FOUND HERE!?

back to my point, just saw on the news that the state is considering changing the state fish!!!!!!!!!!

i almost killed one spearfishing a few months ago...for no reason. but then i realized tht it's not the fish i hate. it's the dumbasses who made it our STATE fish...and i let him live. damn the man.

save the empire.

good weekend

damn, i managed to do a lot this weekend. friday...i was ABOUT to go home at lie, 2pm but ended up passing an old friend on the road and talking through open windows at a stop light...ended up at a bar for a bit. went to a movie with mom, back to the same bar with same friend plus more friends, went to ala moana with moani and met up w/ david, jessica and jordan...ended up at a late movie...got home late.

saturday woke up late, helped set up jessica's surprise party, chill party and bowling afterwards. got home really late.

sunday...got 4 hours of sleep and forced myself up to go play some ultimate. felt good! ate a burrito and played some bocce ball with rogers, bergen, and chris smith. first time playing without a pumpkin...good shit. then surfed for three and half hours...god i almost fell asleep at 8pm but decided that was sacrilege. managed to push it to 11pm...i haven't gone to sleep that early since high school...

and here's monday, all my muscles are sore, but my knee is perfectly fine and my back is feeling better than it usually does...feeling good about that. glad to get my body moving again...i'm outa' shape.


distractions.

1.26.2006

eye goo stains on the final draft

i wonder how many people have poked an eye out trying to write with the pencil end of a compass.

i have to use a compass for my homework!

are they trying to kill me?

1.25.2006

the way of kikosuave

sooooo i got this in the mail from my sis today:
http://www.creative.com/products/mp3/zenneeon/gallery/360/

christmas present :) we roamed around new york when i was there "shopping" for it but found this one online (not in stores yet, or at least not then) and i fell in love iwth it so she ordered it and had it mailed here.

for those of you who refuse to check the link, it's a creative zen neeon 5gig mp3 player. face is a shade smaller than a credit card and about 2 cms thick. so sweet :) thanks v! so i'll slowly start loading my shit onto it and answering my cell phone a whole lot less, haha. not that i answer it much anyway...i do check it often for messages, though.

oh, and it actually sounds really good, too! i'm psyched. i listened to the zen micro and it totally didn't have a lotta power, i was a little bummed, but this one can hurt :) always a good option to have.

yay distractions.

1.24.2006

ultimate!

oh, i forgot to mention...played ultimate today (pickup) for the first time since...november i think. i don't think i mentioned it but i fucked up my knee...third knee. first time was december 2004...i laid out high for a d and came down with all my weight on my bent knee before i sprawled out...i think what it did was kick my shin backwards from my knee and strained my PCL, the ligament that's supposed to hold it there. that was excrutiating...so of course i played two more games.

rested it for two and a half months and walked into a 3 day tournament (kaimana klassic) without having run in those 2.5 months...and it held up. THEN...for whatever reason my OTHER knee (right) started hurting...from what i could find on webMD (which is where my last diagnosis came from...i haven't had medical insurance in a long time) it was meniscus. stayed off it and braced it and played lightly for a while and it seems fine.

THEN, this past november '05, no trauma but my left knee started hurting again. this time right under the kneecap, which was really odd. someone suggested that it might be trapped fluid 'cause it only happens after playing about 2/3rds of a game. later the pain wandered to the side and i suspected meniscus again. so i stopped playing (i'm showing lots of restraint these days) and when i went on my trip...my back started hurting something AWFUL. sitting for a long time makes my back feel like shit...so airplanes and sleeping in odd planes (and not sleeping well at all) fucked it up royally. it got to the point where bending over the sink to spit my toothpaste in the sink required an elbow on the sink for support. putting on my boxers became a balancing act...really weird. even when the fucker was broken i was more mobile than that...but it felt like something was tight and/or rubbing. not like a fracture like before. soooooo that, coupled with my knee, i dropped off my kaimana team a few weeks ago saying i should rest it.

buuttt...today...i felt restless (and depressed) so i decided to go run around and play pickup. so i went and played rested only one point in an hour or so....and my knee's 100%, my back feels better AFTER playing, and i'm fucking out of shape.

more tests on thursday...


crack.

movies

whenever i'm emotionally hurt or angry, i always try and find songs that can describe what i'm feeling. to this day i'm always amazed how many emotions music can give you. i suppose you could say the same for movies or books or god forbid real life...but music is so simple. a vibration in the air. one sonic wave streaming into your ear, funneled by your outer ear, focused in your ear canal, transmitted by your ear drum...and transposed by a few tiny bones into your cochlea where it passes over tiny little hairs that open and close ion gates that feed neural receptors to be transmitted to and decoded by your brain.

one wave. what always got me about sound (and still does) can still be summed up by an analogy about the ear. sight is 3 dimensional...so is touch...smell...maybe like 5 dimensional...but sound is one wave. if you wanna get technical you could consider TIME as a 3rd dimension...but other than that it's pressure and displacement. actually if you wanna consider time than add one to sight, touch and smell 'cause they're there too. sound is so simple...so pure. oh and that analogy...in a natural world, hearing is like a pond with two outlets draining out of it (ears). loft a rock into the pond and figure out where it landed by ONLY watching to the outlets and the waves that hit it. then figure out how big the rock was. then figure out what shape the rock was. then figure out how high the rock fell....that's how your brain decodes sound waves. a single wave hitting two receptors. sure, you hear a guitar, some chick singing, drums and a bass....your ears see one single sound wave. your brain picks everything out from that simple signal...

and gives you these emotions. even without language, how can a vibration in the air make you feel like someone in the world understands how you feel. i've got lotsa hate songs for x-girlfriends...but this time it's not. i still love her. i don't hate her for anything. she did what was right for her, and that made it right for me. right for us.

"movies" by alien ant farm...chorus:

i want you
to be free
don't worry
about me
and just like
the movies
we've played out
our last scene

you won't cry
i won't scream.

and despite how much i love talking...that should be the last you'll ever hear of tammy here. if you want to know more, i'm easy to reach. i've learned that people don't like being layed out on the world wide weblog.

and now i'm gonna get drunk and sand surfboards....


goodbye.

1.21.2006

new york new york

sooooooo visiting new york was fun as hell.

kicked it off with some barhopping with chang, tao and catherine for a few nights. mike liu came down to have korean bbq with a few of them and john yang...for those of you who know him. ate drunk snacks at gray's papaya two nights in a row (and would've continued if i'd been in the area more).

saw the old hello nurse play at the mercury lounge. fuckers went and got better while i was gone :) sweet show. good times.

met up with ana at the MOMA for an afternoon leading to more drinking (on my part at least) with some her friends and john yang again.

went to DBQ with what was left of the old ultimate crew...let's see if i can do this: sai, tao, gabi, goose, eunji, mikeliu, stoops, and max...did i forget anyone? i'd already eaten and just...drank.

which was the pregame to a round of golf in ft. greene park in brooklyn with christian, john yang, drew fahnle, lightshow, eytan, and matt davis. they only had 22's of old E at the bodega so i rocked two of those and i think we hit nine holes before christian, drew and i headed to white castle and the prono store somehwere in brooklyn. first time at white castle! i ate 10 sliders.

crashed at drew's that night and rolled into the village to have lunch with graham and vicki dower (how cute) and eytan at some falafel place next to the continental. good to see them.

good to see everyone.

for those of you whom i haven't told, i was there with my mom, sister, AND brother (sis lives there) so we got in to a lot of trouble on our own :) our last night there...(lewis had gone to london) the three of us went to a show at the continental and watched about four bands, closed the place (BLITZED) and rolled into st. nick's pub in harlem (~150th and st. nicholas ave.)...they play jazz. fuckin' GOOD jazz. and some old black dude was hitting on my mom...but we had to go and pack at about 3am...at which point my mom passed out instead of packing. so i packe dmostly for her, got her up and onto the supershuttle, and took her, drunk, to the airport, haha.

it was a good night.

and a great trip.

thank you all for makin' it happen.


and i WILL blog more.

1.20.2006

everytime

everytime, i ask myself if it's better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all.

burn it off.