not-so-drunken-rufio=post

so i've been gone from columbia for thirty six hours since nine thirty in the morning on saturday...starting out to help christian move from his place in washington heights out to east williamsburg....then i helped my sis move some stuff into the same place 'cause she's subletting from christian, then i went outsia to princeton nj to chilll with my brother. we went to this woman's house....toshiko takaesu, a VERY famous potter who originated from hawaii. my brother became freinds wither her through our high school president. very interesting chain of events, but this woman is so cool. she's so famous she doesn't even try and sell her pots anymore, it's great.

then we went to dinner at penang, this GREAT malaysian restaurant. the waitress was HOT. that's always good. then i cam back up for mary's suite's party....in themiddle of which i went with chang and some others to go to amcaff with chang's dad. haha, funny guy. chang makes a little bit more sense now :) but not THAT much more....

so now i'm here...drunk....actually not drunk but very close to. i would like to be more drunk but i think i'm still too full from dinner to drink more. at the moment i finishing the remnants of a hammie's frome like..three days ago. i just needed something in my mouth. we ended up at the heights eventually where only me and chang were drinking....meh. i really don't understand people who 'agree' to come out...but then come to a bar and don't drink. is that enjoyable? perhaps i should try it sometime and find out for myself....or just assume that it sucks and continue drinking at places that i know.

a lot of interesting conversations happened tonight...but i can't remember them all 'cause i've been hyper since i went out (and all my lazy suitmates came IN as i was leaving). onew that stands out most, however, was one with eric and don about me DUMPING candace yet still being irritated by her dating a friend. i asked don how he would feel if i dated one of his x's...and he said he seriously wouldn't give a shit. then i asked eric how he would feel if i'd fucked mary....and he said that he wouldn't care about mary at all after that......at which point i started thinking....and remembered that when matt first told me that he'd been hookin' up with candace.....i didn't THINK i'd care. but after it sunk in...i couldn't stop thinking about it and it festered inside me like a fuckin' ulcer or something-just-as-hideous. i really thought i would be okay with it......but after a while i realized that wasn't the case. oh well...not like that would've changed the situation anyway.....


i hate being depressive. i'm gonna talk about happy stuff.

i'm not registered for classes and i have no swipe access to the dorms. haha! i'll register on tuesday.....

g'night

fried

so i fried my fuckin' computer somehow...don't know how that happened. i just came back to it in the afternoon and there was an orange light on where there's usually a green power light...couldn't hardboot so i unplugged it and on re-insertion it was as inactive as my sex life. not even a whisper.

so i borrwed a laptop from acis...as i probably will be for the nighttimes nowadays...a.t least until i figure out what's up with mine. i'll keep you posted....

my room's still a fuckin' hell hole 'cause i've been fuckin' dead whenever i'm here. i managed to emtpy all the boxes at least....so that's a good thing. all i have no is three big luggage bags of mostly clothes....which technically shouldn't be all THAT hard, but who knows. now that i finally have a computer again i have to catch up on my brain drain.

oh, and i have to listen to the radio 'cause i'm borrowing liu's stereo and the cd player's dead.....and all my music is lying dormant (hopefully) in my flaccid computer.

aight, done for now. i'm gonna clean up a bit.

grolsch

search hits

i've been getting a bunch of search hits from 'firephile' and 'panopticon' or even combinations of the two (along with 'blog). have people lost me or something? who are these people?

just seems odd....

inkblots

i joined the bandwagon (christian and eric) and took the inkblot test.

here's what it said:

jess, your subconscious mind is driven most by Imagination

You have a deep desire to use ideas to change the world around you. This drive influences you far more than you may realize on a conscious level.

You love to brainstorm and imagine new possibilities. The world is a fuller, richer place because you can contribute new ideas to any experience. Your natural curiosity inspires those around you and encourages them to come up with ideas they wouldn't have discovered without your help.

Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.



i thought it was actually pretty cool. all three of the results i've read, so far, actually. i really do encourage everyone to take it..granted it is kinda long *shrugs*. i rarely do these kinds of things...but i did the x-men one and got cyclops, and now i get this. coolbeans. oh, and i got donnie darko....which is just a little creepy but i like being creepy once in a while. what i really liked about this one was that i want "to change the world around [me]"....haha. yeah...everyone should be more like me.

except you. you're cool.

i was kind fo freaked out with one where i just saw a goat with a bloody nose though....all the other questions for that inkblot made no sense 'cause i couldn't get that image out of my head.

alright, i should really go to bed....'nother day of helping stupid frosh tomorrow. i'll eventually blob about the STUPIDEST fuckin' girl i've ever met that i had to help today. so bad, so bad.

noodles.

joe vs. the volcano

so sometime towards the end of last year my fridge started getting a mild, but absolutely disgusting smell. i think defrosting it a few times in transit this past summer to eric's room, to eric's other room, and then finally to my room, has amplified said disgusting smell and it now stains anything i put in the fridge.....but only for short periods of time...it's reallyw eird. if i leave the door open the smell disappears...and i can't even figure out where it's from (as i stick my head into the mouth of hell). so eric cleaned it out with mr. clean when he gave it back....to no avail. i JUST cleaned it with fuckin PINE SOL.....and it still smells. i now have a swab sitting in it (the fridge is warm) soaked with pine sol and acetone hoping to make some noxious fumes that will kill everything i couldn't reach. we'll see...but i don't think it'll work.

my next plan of attack is either to spray everything with one of two thigs: listerine, or isopropyl (rubbing alcohol), soaking the place, and closing the door for a day to make a steaming cloud of flammable gasses to get into all the crevices, again, and kill whatever might be making this godawful smell. i just hope it doesn't catch on fire....but if it doesn't work i might just light the fucker on fire. burn it off, baby.

any suggestions? i don't think plain old baking soda will work 'cause there's definitely something CAUSING this smell...i have to get rid of that source. i mean, i gave it a GOOD cleaning, including pulling the insulation back and gettin' up in there, taking apart everything i could, shelves and stuff, and getting up in there too. i like getting on up in there, it's alotta fun.

this sucks.

funburger

had a great time at berger's. had a SHITLOAD of food...jesus christ i was full. not so full anymore...but full enough that i don't want to eat anything....which is rare at this hour. i don't think i'm gonna go out to HOWL tomorrow...i'm gonna try and get some work done around my room. i got two boxes emptied today...but that still leaves a bunch of bags of mostly clothes....the cleanliness of which i do not remember....

oh and i also have to clean my fridge....'cause that smell just really isn't going away. i bought some pine sol and i unplugged it about eight hours ago to plug in a stereo...so that thing is going to fucking WREAK (sp?) when i finally open it. i should probably put it by the window or something smart like that....

got a nap in the car so i'm not quite tired yet. on the drive over there i (once again) found myself thinkin' about candace (that bitch!) and wondering what exactly i would do if matt came to visit....which i imagine is entirely possible. it's sad to say i was glad to see someone i once called a friend 'leave' (graduate) so that i wouldn't have to deal with him again...but it really was a load off my back. i know there are those of you out there who adore matt, but i'm sorry, seeing him would just bring back too many feelings i'm working on supressing. most of the reason i didn't want to see him because it was always an occassion i'd see candace too....and with him gone, there's almost no reason i'll ever see her. i also know that there are those of you who really like candace too...do what you wish but don't expect me to be happy to see her. my gut feeling is to tell her to just get out of my life....but alas, something's holding me back. fuck.

i just have to get drunk enough...that's always a good way to solve these problems : )

whiskey

good day coming

in about ten minutes we'll be heading out to connecticut (for the second time in two days) to go to ben berger's place for a bbq. i hear he throws good bbq's.

we're coming back tonight i hear, so maybe we'll get MORE drinkin' going or something :) maybe poker? i dunno...we'll see. or i'll sit around and drink my beer stock. that's always fun. and cheap.

nothing of importance here, just wanted to tell you all what a great weekend i'm having and ask if anyone would be interested in going to the HOWL festival in tompkins square park this weekend as mentioned on christian's blog. check it out, sounds fun.

alohas

foxwoods casinos

today raj drove me and liu up to foxwoods casinos in connecticut to meet eric and his brother edward. it took us like four fucking hours to get there.....after it took raj an hour and a half to do a trip that took 25 min. last night to pick us up this afternoon.....ugh. poor guy. it was a pretty brutal trip out there but when we got there it was really cool. i hung out for a while while eric played, then raj went in, and i went in a bit later. liu decided not to attempt his brother's ID because he didn't wanna fuck shit up.

eric put down 40, then 20 more (total 60) and left with 5 bucks (-50), raj put down 40, went above 100! and came back down to 38 or something (-2). i went in with 40 as well, went down more than twenty on the first hand (it was juicy), went up to 58 (+18), down to 3 (-37) back up to 25, and finally that fizzled out to my final 0 (-40). i had a lot of fun, actually. for my first time, i'm very happy with how long that money lasted me. one day maybe i'll learn to quit while i'm ahead ; ) almost the entire time i was playing my heart was pounding like a jackhammer. gut wrenching, nerve racking and scary as shit. just the way i like it :) anytime i had hand i felt like my entire body was beating with my heart. i tried as hard as i could to keep my hands still and/or hidden. adrenaline. at least i found away to get a rush that WON'T endanger my already-broken-twice backbone.....

whatever, we'll go back sometime. 'till then it's nickels, dimes and quarters....except when we perhaps get adventerous and do some 1-2 dollar bets on hold'em nights. i'd probably be in for that.

all in all, a great day. it was a lotta fun. besides the riding....because on the way back, there was this span of freeway about....4-5 exits long that had ONE FUCKING LANE that was all backed up for 'road work' that wasn't happening. ass holes. the entire stretch, which took about half an hour, consisted of two cops probably whacking off, one dude alone in a crane smoking a cig, and two guys cutting holes in the pavement. it sucked so bad. and then there was an accident before the GW bridge that ate up another shitload of time and aggravation. i feel so bad for raj....who had to go drive home afterwards, too. but we did learn that we can have a LOT of fun there, but we just really shouldn't go on a weekend :) we'll be set.

and tomorrow's burger's bbq! mmmm....turning into a good weekend.

steak?

favorite meal

so today sasha rolls in from boston with his family with a cooler bag filled with four live maine lobsters for me and liu :) 25 bucks total, each almost 1.5 lbs. liu was boiling his, i was steaming mine, both were specfuckingtacular. i can still taste them. oh god. i love lobester so much. i'm not too fond of brains, but liu does. but what i lacked in cholesterol intake there i made up for by eating about a half stick of butter with my lobster. not to 'mask that horrible, horrible taste' as austin thinks, but only because it's a good compliment. butter itslf has a rather mild taste (as opposed to garlic or salt perhaps) and doesn't mask anything. the compliment brings out the sweet, sweet taste of my underwater insect. burger, austin, eric and raj were all horribly disgusted with all the sluriping, cracking and sucking going on next to them. specfuckingtacular.

after that we played poker for a while. i won a buck :) eric basically took everyone's money but mine. always fun. we're probably going to foxwoods tomorrow unless somthing really weird happens. i probably won't gamble too much, if at all, but i'm curious. if anything i can just hang out and drink while eric and raj gamble. i think they have dollar blind tables which aren't bad. maybe i'll drop thirty or forty bucks and see what happens...it'd be fun :)

and on saturday we're going out to ben burger's place in i-don't-know-where for a bbq with apparently spectacular food. this should be a great ending to my summer as my 'job' starts with a meeting this sunday evening. should be good stuff, even with that since i'll still have nights. eventually i have to clean up my shithole of a room though...jesus. i also got some pinesol to clean out the mouth of hell that is my refrigerator. something's fuckin' growin' in there that i can't find at all....really weird shit actually.

oh, oh, and my sister and her boyfriend brad might sublet with christian for the month of september :) haha, that'd be cool. i can totally go hang out in their massive loft and be useless now. not that i can't do that here...but i can be useless with 'other friends'. not that i don't love my suitemates but really, with austin farting in his sleep there is such a thing as 'too much time' spent together.

na nana nana nanana (musically)

i like na na na's in songs. all-american rejects this time. cool dudes.

aight, i'm out.

where the hell are all the bloggers, jesus. kix, you suck. sonic's here so that's okay. christian's back on it. spoots has disappeared. the rest of you....er...yeah, blog more so i don't have to. or just comment a lot, that's always fun too.

lobster

finger on nose

me and christian went blading today, it was pretty sweet. i bladed up to 150th so he could cook me dinner then we bladed down riverside all the way down to chelsea piers and back. nice ride, i'm outa' shape...ugh. felt good though. i gotta start getting off my lazy, drunk ass and start cleaning my room before i have no time...haha.

funniest shit tonight, though...christian came over and we were talking about suite shit and shit sweets, and christian asks, "so who's gonna be the first one in the suite to get some!?"

austin puts his finger on his nose, laughing and coughing out, "i don't want that kind of pressure!"

i point to dave, his eyes glued to his video game, in the midst of this and christian, undaunted, asks, "hey duke, are you still boinkin' london?"

silence.

ahh, the beginning of greatness.

last night, despite vowing to myself i wouldn't go drinking....i went drinking. not heavily. burger and grace came over after they went to the yankees game with eric, and we were hangin' out and they were heading out anyway so me and eric were gonna go grab a few. we cleverly (by means of absolute stubborness) coax the two of them into west end with us for "one beer". it was pretty fun. i had about three beers, they had one. eric tried his best to make it as awkward as possible since i thought grace was a really weird girl (read: jess likes grace)...oh, and cute :) which she is. both. nuff'a that for now. apparently she graduated last year :) *shrugs* i'm clueless about this shit. she did say she'd through a lingerie slumber party at her place (her younger cousin that she's living with is a 19 year old model and has lots of hot model friends) as long as 'everybody'...yes...including austin....wears lingerie. i can handle that, i guess. just get me drunk ; ) or don't.

how'd i become a nudist?

alright i need a shower.....

*sniff sniff?*

yuuuuum.

sucker punch

i bought my first video game in about ten years (gameboy days, baby). it's called grand tourismo 3 for playstation 2. i used to play it with my friend david wood back at home. he lived in kalihi which is close to town and our high school so i used to crash at his place a lot when we were out really late so we'd stay up and play this game. it's a racing game that is the most in-depth piece of gaming i've ever found. it's really cool. there's all kinds of different 'modes' you can play in...the most interesting to me being the one where you start with no cash and a shitty car and you start building up money and parts and cars by winning races and things. really fun.

i realize i'm going to be wasting a lot of time with it, but i think it's actually almost good for me. most of the time when i'm bored i wanna go out and drink and be debaucherous and spend money. this way, 25 bucks'll last me hours and hours and hours....yay. granted i'll be a little more anti-social but i think i could stand to spend more nights at home. especially when other people are so much more reluctant to get out this past year. 'might' change...but i highly doubt it. trends are hard to bust.

i'm really tired right now so i'm going to try and keep it that way until a decent time to go to sleep instead of take a nap rightnow and stay up 'till dawn again. 'cause then i might just have to drink MOOOORE!!! yeah, not the greatest idea : ) but fun nonetheless. my stomach really wasn't feeling good yesterday and the day before. it felt better today, though. and some KFC dripping with oil and honey made it feel a LOT better. i also need a bath....haven't really had one in a couple days :) mostly because by the time i AM tired and ready for bed...i don't want to take a shower 'cause it might wake me up. of course i COULD just take one earlier....but that just wouldn't make sense.

i'm donwloading some of those songs from my 'summer music list' i posted a week or so ago. starting with AFI and 'the starting line'. help me hold on to summer as long as possible. isn't it funny how certain songs/bands remind you of certain times in your life? like...damn....that was high school 1999....or....damn.....that song came out right when i broke up with so and so....it's nice. reminds me of high fidelity where cusack was rearranging his vinyl collection autobiographically. i couldn't do that because as much as i love music....i don't know my collection THAT well. there are definitely af ew albums and/or songs that i apply to certain parts in my life....but only a few. i do have a summerlist, though.

i think i'm gonna listen to a few more and try out GT3.


don't wait up, honey

taped boxes

so i typed some and erased it...oops. i was changing my timezone back to nyc. i was up past six last night and saw the second sunrise in a row. i really have to stop drinking...or slow down for a NIGHT. i got home and wasn't jetlagged at all....so instead i go drinking four nights in a row....hah! and now i'm sleeping at dawn and waking at noon. dumb dumb dumb. i'm gonna take a nap in a bit, actually. i was up late talking to cat online (six hours behind) and candace came up, again, reminding me that candace sent me an email before i left hawaii trying to 'be friends' of sorts and asking what it was i wanted in order for that to happen. yeah, i haven't answered yet...i don't really think i want to. she's leaving hawaii sometime soon, that's all i know. and she's got nobody she'd want to see here that early before movein so she must be going to fuck matt for a solid week or so before school starts :)

i don't know why i do this to myself. cat's solution is that i just need to get laid. a lot. that probbly would help 'this' situation, but it would just 'cause more problems....because that means i would have to talk to THAT many more girls! yeah. i'm useless, haha. i'll just have a relationship with the bottle.

no, not that kind of relationship.

toodles

quickblob

wasuuuuup, i'm back in nyc slowly movin' into my new room in hogan 2b. i don't feel like writing too much despite there being a LOT to write...but just wanted to tell you all that i'm life. and i'm back online in my room. so i have access to porn again. which is always fun :)

i'm sobering up, i should get to sleep. golfed tonight with christian and hit up nightcaff where they have a shot/beer special. mmm...bigass shot'o whiskey. very nice. especially after a fuckin' fo'tee.

more later,

stay tuned!!!

departing blob

so these are my last nighttime hours in the sunny isles of my home. i sat at diamond head lookout toeing the edge of a cliff above waves i've surfed countless times this summer (the break is aptly named "cliffs") and tried to 'sum up my summer' in my mind. in the end, this has been the best summer of my life...for the fourth summer in a row. looking back, i am extremely proud with how i spend my time, all the time. a lot of time people are complaining about how much they wish they coul dfind the motivation to do this, that and the other....and all my life the one thing that keeps me going is intiative. take that first step. you know the saying, but i don't like saying it anymore (bitch).

my dad always said...from when i first started having 'real' conversations with him...that he always admired my initiative and that he thought that's the character trait that would carry me through life. he was right *shrugs* keeps me goin'. i was never afraid to just...do it. if i felt like i wanted to do something, i'd get up off my ass and do it. i remember eric once contemplating his motivations and said something to the extent that if he 'says' he wants to do something, but ends up watching tv instead...then he must not've wanted to do it in the first place. makes sense to me. i just always preferred to turn the tv off...

this year, it was surfing. none of my friends (home at the time) were intersted in surfing with me...i don't know how to surf...and it scared me shitless. but i did it. i numbered my first few 'surf lessons' (self-taught, of course) and i don't feel like reading back, but it took a LONG time for me to really get the hang of it. longer than i thought it would've, but i stayed with it because despite sucking, i enjoyed learning...and was so excited to 'be good' at some point. and now, i'm good. today, possibly my LAST real day of surfing, i had the second best surfing day of my life. the first best was about a week ago with thomas when diamond head was just GLASSY. perfect point breaks for two hours straight before the wind blew it out. but today, as the sun started going down and i'd told myself 'last wave' ten times...i was content. in the end, my 'last wave' was possibly the heaviest wave i've ever landed, and it was a backside drop, too (back to the wave). i can still hear the sound of the board speeding across the water, faster than i'd ever gone before, and the feeling taking off down a mountain of water. i clearly remember three waves among the many waves i caught today...pictures in my mind i hope i'll never forget...but after that huge wave, i was still content. i thought i would miss it a lot more...but i realized out there that i'd done it. it took me the better part of two and a half months, but i'd done it. and i'm stoked. i'm hooked. no matter what, surfing will always be in me. the last time i found something like this in me, i was already studying it in school.

my other goals this summer were to make a little bit of money, which i have. worked a month, full time at the UH bookstore stock room. easy job, physical, and a cool crew. i spent time with my sister, i spent time with my brother, i spent good time with mom and dad as well. i started the summer alone...reluctant and tired of calling friends who didn't seem to care...but somewhere in the middle i found a few who really did seem to enjoy my company. when thomas left, he called my cellphone from the airport and left a message on my cell phone (i was out surfing or something)...thanking me for everything we did together in the two weeks that he was here. a lot of surfing, some hiking, food, drink....we had a lot of fun. i can't explain to you what it felt like just to hear that i'd made someone else's time enjoyable. a few days later, sai called me from somewhere on the mainland with the same message of appreciation, and again, i'm realizing why i like getting people together...despite the bullshit. i'm a social animal. fuck.

yet another 'playful'...but not really...goal was to avoid candace as much as possible. i saw her here and there, short spurts, never giving enough time for any real conversing. i knew, however, that sai would like to hang out with her so i saw that coming,and i was fine with it. it was nice (again sai, don't get offended) to have someone else sai could talk to to, as usual, give me some time to myself. i did, however, call up candace to come hang out with me and cat (kristi came too) last night at dave and busters. i was trying to be nice....and trying to be a friend....but also 'testing' myself to see how i felt around her now that i couldn't avoid her 'cause she'd be talking to sai. in the end there were a lot of biting remarks, blatantly poking fun at what each of us knew was a hated between us. towards the end of the night, when i started sobering up (when i usually get most belligerent), i started getting really obnoxious too. too cat, as well (she was driving candace home) and when i realized the kinds of things that were going through my head, i said a quick goodbye and just walked away. cat, if you're there, sorry for being an ass.

also, in the past couple of days, cat found lots in me that she doesn't like at all :) mainly how i deal with arguments, women, blah blah. good thing she gives candace rides home a lot of the time, huh. but yeah, i'll joke with her from time to time about dumping creighton (her current long-distance boyfriend) and coming to nyc, or just blatantly hookin' up with me skinny dipping under a full moon, but in the end, i'm not the kind of person for her, either. yet another pipe dream. most of the problem is sensitivity...you know, being able to just swallow my thoughts and be comforting. the thing is...i haven't felt like doing that since i was with lindsay (my first girlfriend). i keep people far away. despite letting everyone know everything about me (very odd hearing my mother discussing my virginity hiking with FIVE other girls....me being the only guy...and one of those girls being candace) nobody REALLY knows me anymore. i guess cat would know the most....only because she understands me more than candace ever did. other than that...my sarcasm and seeming cold-heartedness is just a front. a safety. my fortress. it's been up so long...the only way i know to step outside it is to keep my mouth shut and watch people. i think at least twice a month i consider digressing back to the introvert i used to be...

this is long...i'm gonna get a beer.

back.

in the end...my favorite moments this summer were alone. surfing. surfing with thomas was a lot of fun....but it's not like it's a team sport. in that moment, it's only me on the wave....or me and some ass hole dropping in. it's one of the reasons i started bodyboarding in the first place so many years ago. i was getting tired of sitting around....coming right home after school and watching tv....sleeping in late on the weekends...and i found something that i could do on my own that i enjoyed as much whackin' off *shrugs* 'cept it lasts a lot longer ;) surfing...was fun with a challenge. i'm a sucker for a challenge. i usually succeed, too. but yes, in the end, the pride, the challenge, the rush, the success....the self-righteousness i guess you call it. i'm the youngest of three in my family...i grew up striving for independence...i enjoy things most when i do it all by myself.

i've lost any sort of organization here...so i'm gonna stop. i may continue this tomorrow....i'm gonna get up early and pack. i'm sure i'll be pondering some stupid shit.

at first i was gonna try and have some people over for dinner/drinks. not too very many people were interested, though, especially on such short notice, and i was too lazy to cook or anything. so instead i just decided to surf for a long time and then meet somewhere for dinner/drinks....but then i realized i have no friends. actually they were all just scattered and busy. so i came home and grabbed a zip pack and a six of kona brewing company's fire rock pale ale....one of my favorite meals and my favorite beer right now....my last dinner in hawaii. and still, i'm content. i could live here right now, but i have the energy to delve into bigger and better things for a few years.

good day

moosehead

SUCKS.

enough'a that. went to germaine's luaua tonight w/ candace, kirsti and sai. kristi got two free tickets 'cause she works with a travel agency and candace got cheap tickets through a friend's sister. it's really touristy, pretty cheesy, but the best luau in the islands, perhaps. good food, too. and the drinks were decent as well, always a good thing. after that we went to this dive bar in kapolei where kristi's sis works, it was cool. played (sucked at) some pool. walkin' in to this piece of shit bar with three cute girls (kristi's also very cute) made the men there (pretty much most of the bar) very happy. they got so many sketchy looks it was hilarious. clean, though, they were at least cool about it. good night.

sai's leavin' tomorrow, so we're gonna try surfing one more time in some calmer water this time...although what this beach lacks in deadly waves it makes up in with deadly tourists littering the water like bubbles in my beer. each carrying a piece of shrapnel the length of a volkswagon. i'll try not to kill her on her last day.

after i drop her off at the airport me and cat are planning on going to dave & busters...this adult playground in ward. it's kind of an arcade with a bar...i think. i'm just going for the amusement and possibly something interesting to do....me and cat are really just interested in drinking. unless kristi's mom objects she and candace should come too after hula. in a quick moment alone with me candace asked, for the first time in a while, if we were cool...or fine. i forget which word she used. i didn't really answer her. alcohol definitely helps. although latent thoughts of her tripping and falling on matt's dick usually kills any type of comfort i feel around her :) like i said before, i don't restrict my thoughts. a plague, oftentimes, but i still think it's healthy.

OH, andi saw 'step into liquid', the new big surf documentary hitting the theaters. it got raves at sundance and it was the most AMAZING FUCKING MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN, and will ever see for a long time. i don't expect other people (mainly non-surfers) to have the same response to it, but even then it is one amazing piece of film. nicely done, breathtaking, and beautiful. so beautiful that i felt myself welling up with tears from time to time. yeah i'm a pussy. but i'm a pussy in love with surfing; i'm hooked for life. of course i have to see this movie days before i leave the perfect waves of my home. FUCK. oh well, more incentive to do this whole education thing right and get my ass back home with some cash and experience under my belt. thinking back, the last time i cried was last christmas...on the airplane descending to honolulu international airport after 11 months straight away from home. i was at a window and although it was nighttime, i could see the city lights and make out the beaches i know and love. i cried quietly, i doubt anyone heard me. but i couldn't hold it in. i didn't really want to. i challenged myself, and i succeeded. you have no idea how much i missed home that winter....

well maybe you do, but i couldnt've fathomed it when i'd left hawaii the christmas before....

enough

sai passed out a while ago but i'm wide awake...weird.

i'll be back

long

long, long two days. but sent some good time taking my mom out with the rest of my friends. saturday i filled the van with people to go hiking...ended up getting home at 11:30 (not from hiking) at night. today we went up to north shore, again filling the van, with some returnees, some newbies. again, returning at 11:30pm. good shit, more later.

one thing, however....in loose response to austin's blog post but probably would've been realized anyway. in two days i took out six people, and seven people (one being my mom in both) and i realized that i really do like getting people together...but part of the reason is 'cause i really just like BRINGING people together....and i get very curious to see the group dynamic. i have a lotta friends all over the place in hawaii...friends for different reasons. only recently have i been mashing them together 'cause we're all more mature and are much more apt to mix than we used to be in high school. before i'd have to pick which 'set' i'd go out with, although usually it was just the band geeks. oddly enough, i don't hang out with any of those people anymore...it's all the other friends i was like, friends in school with but rarely hung out with. odd. but yeah, i like just getting people together and watching....also in the end there aren't a whole lot of people i can spend extended amounts of time with one on one. back to my trouble finding a good woman ;)

yeah, it is kind of stressful sometimes, but, unlike austin, i find more pluses than minuses in that. and austin's a lazy fuck:) eric's a lazy fuck too, but he puts a whole lotta effort into gatherings as i do...interesting. and sorry, eric, but you are indeed a lazy fuck :)

no sleep 'till brooklyn

so i picked up sai yesterday around 4pm, we chilled and then played ultimate at 5:30, showered and ate at a friend's in town and went to a club where there was a 'battle of the rock bands'. i had lotsa fun, buncha' my friends were there, cat pinched my nipples...numerous times. sai was fallin' asleep though so we left after the band i wanted to see. came back home, slept for like...four hours, and woke up to take my dad to work. passed out on the beach for another hour and met up with thomas to go surfing. the waves were much less than forgiving and i had a rough time teaching sai. she got pounded, basically :) good practice though, really. when i learned how to surf i was learning in chest-shoulder high surf that basically crushed me. it was a good experience. after that we ate horrible lunch (just...unhealthy, but SPECTACULAR) and went to sandy's where me and thomas got our asses handed to us 'cause that's always a good thing to hvae once in a while.

the three of us ate dinner with my parents at the best korean bbq i know (kimchee II), and came home. sai's asleep...i i think i'm gonna have a beer for extra measure...and then sleep. tomorrow we're going hiking. me, sai, mom, liana (highschool friend), candace (you know all about her), thomas, and thomas' college friend collin. should be a nice hike, ends in a waterfall with a cute swimming pool (natural). should be interesting with that mob of people :) i haven't seen liana in three years but she was always a great friend to have around in high school. very energetic girl, it should be fun :) of course sai should entertain candace and my mom should scare her off enough that it shouldn't get testy between us ;)

on the other hand, i'm realizing how much of a solitary person i am, sometimes. when austin, karen and dave were here, they had eachother and i didn't always have to pay attention. now that sai's here, and ONLY sai, i'm like the only person she knows here so...yeah...i don't get much time from myself and just thinking about it kind of gets to me (sai if you read this it has nothing to do with you, no worries). i suppose this is one reason i have so man aversions to relationships. there aren't many people that i like spending ALL my time with. of course (being honest), cat comes to mind. but i'm not so sure about that 'cause we don't get a whole lot of time to spend with eachother in person...just lots of AIM time...as usual.

on another note. i usually hate lagers. they're a class of beer brewed at colder temps than, for example, ales, and they usually get a very smooth taste that resembles horse piss. it's one of the easier brewing techniques, especially in cold climates. coors, bud, all that shit is probably a lager.

BUT, i've recently discovered that harp and the 'kona longboard lager' (local big island microbrew) are two great lagers. they've got lots of taste, but they're still smooth. a very good chill beer that won't weigh you down.

just a thought.

dolt

so i totally forgot to get sai's flight info when i left...i just knew the departure time. i ws more concerned with this interview...oops. so here i am in an internet cafe for the first time in my life with twenty minutes left on my two bucks so i thought i'd blog. fun shit.

oh and the job. after a two-year training period making 50k for six months, 60k for a year, and 70k for another six months....i'd be making 71 thousand dollars after the two year training period! with time and a half for overtime...which he said usually comes out to about 90 thousand fucking dollars. jesus christ.

unfortunately the job sounds too easy....but it's hawaii...but i'd shrivel and die. i don't think i'm gonna do it, but i'll explore my chances anyway.

this place creeps me out. i'm outa here.

alohas

mile high club

or just a mile high. sai's probably on an airplane right now on her way to a hotspot in the middle of the pacific. a hotspot which, scientists have recently theorized, does in fact move; contrary to the accepted theory which has prevailed since the beginnings of plate techtonics. something about how the measurements didn't QUITE match up so they tried moving the hotspot and they matched up. so it moves like a millimeter a decade. woohoo!

back to the point.

as i just explained to eric, my house is very odd in that the lights never really go out. i stay up late, and my dad wakes up at 2am to trade stocks. SO, when i have friends over i try not to have them sleep in the living room 'cause my dad might wake 'em up (granted he's mostly in the computer room, but goes to the kitchen to get coffee). so i usually put a mattress on the floor of my room for friends. of course my room is a pig sty right now and there really IS no room for said mattress...so i have to clean :) of course i'm also using this as an excuse to wash clothes for....maybe the first time since i've been home. i usually just throw a few things into my parents' loads but i've never actually DONE an entire load of my own.

ehh, i GUESS she's worth it...*grumble grumble grumble*

eric suggested i try and get into a threesome with her and go pick up chicks together.

beer

brand new

this is really weird, but brand new just came on. the song is called 'the quiet little things that no one ever knows about'...or something close to that. what i like about it is that like, three guys in the band sing. they have good harmony and some parts where they sing back and forth. like one guy sings a line, holds while the other guy sings another line, holds while....you see. any band with multiple singers gets a few plus points.

we get penny back next year! horn AND more vocals! sweet.

although (i dunno if skarfin, christian, or salty read this right now) i haven't exactly written ANYTHING over summer. my nights are pretty..dead. i have no creative juices running 'cause i'm dead. sorry guys. i keep getting ideas but i haven't put them down on paper. i'll get on that once we get started, promise. it'll take us a week or two to learn how to play again anyway (god my hand is gonna hurt...). if you've never played guitar....when you stop and start again, the calluses on the tips of your fingers disappear and after playing, they BURN. if you ever make the mistake of putting them under hot water....you'll think twice about doing it again. weird, weird feeling. that and the muscles all go flacid. not that...anything else...goes flacid.....

funny how a completely unrelated word gets an undying cannotation...

your mom's flacid.....

you had to, didn't you austin.

starting line

that song just came on on fuse. it' called 'best of me"

cheesy punkrock love song but i really like their sound. melodic.

la musica

being in hawaii, i watch a lotta music tv (vh1, mtv, and this other other channel called fuse) and listen to the radio a lot (i drive the van a lot and it has no cd player) and have discovered a few new sounds i like. not wanting to really delve, here's a short list:

AFI (modern punk rock)
all american rejects (rock)
jack johnson (up there with sublime, sweet rock)
more love for evanescence and linkin park (always on the radio)
brand new (only heard latter part of one song, but like 'em)
maroon 5 (weird rock)
blue mountain (chill drum&bass)
jane's addiction (an old band i used to like that died, but came back together. perry ferrell of porno for pyros' first original band, with dave navarro on guitar...who's engaged, or married, to carmen electra....lucky fucker)
the starting line (only heard one song on mtv....something about wanting a girl back, one line: "we got older/but we're still young")

thoughts?

14 hours

slept for that long last night...hah. that felt good. i feel a lot better but still needed some aspirin to quench a light fever in the middle of the day. i should be okay by tomorrow. i think i actually forgot to put on sunscreen on my face yesterday too 'cause my face is REALLY burnt...but my arms and shit are just fine. *shrugs*. as with my cold, i should be fine by tomorrow. i gotta wake up early and do some laundry and clean my room/house a bit for sai. one great thing about living in hawaii (now that i'm not working) is that i don't exactly wear a lotta clothes nor do i take many showers 'cause i go to the beach all the time. i go in my surf shorts, end up taking a shower at the beach (just rinse off), come home, hang the shorts, and put on a dry pair. i never really do wear underwear unless i go out otherwise....heh.

it's a good life.

so today i just kinda hung around the house sucking. watched tv, researched some new surf spots (surfers aren't exactly the most eager to post their experiences on the web) and drank lots of OJ. talked to my sis online, who just signed a 50 grand/year contract with MTV docs. she's the VP of documentary film's assistant. kind of bummed to be an assistant...but she realizes that she will get HOOKED the fuck UP with this job. no joke. i told her to think of it as a nicely paying internship :) so she and her boyfriend are on the prowl for an apartment as close to time's square as possible that they can afford. we'll see. i might go visit her that first weekened i'm back in the hamptons, just to check it out. she said there's waves too....hmm....we're thinking of renting some boards.

and hey, before school starts does anyone wanna go down to coney island for a day and fuck around? i had fun there last summer. gotta go while it's hot : )

i just realized i didn't leave the house today. that's kind of sad :( didn't even step outside!

alright, i'm gonna go suck s'more

bite me! blog!

salve

yo, beer and cold medicine is just great for a sore throat and fever....

drugs

lazy lazy lazy

wow, didn't realize i hadn't blobbed in so long. see wednesday's post for crappy excuses :) i've just been surfing, sleeping, surfing, sleeping.

a lot's been on my mind lately...i'll try and be quick. first of all, possibly biggest, is i have an interview this thursday with a dude from pearl harbor....you know, that military harbor that was bombed by the japanese....they want 20 engineers in 2004, possibly in conjunction with the long-term docking of a fucking AIR CRAFT CARRIER and all it's little escorts (destroyers and scuh) which is going to bring hawaii billions of dollars (i've heard they'll need 16,000 homes to house the sailors...or whatever you call them). i dunno, i'll tell you more when i get the info. BUT, military jobs give SHITLOADS of benefits. a friend of my cousin's got a job out of undergrad paying 60k dollars. on top of stipends and housing hlep and this and that and a kitchen sink. if i don't get the job...i can continue my life as i was already fucking up :) if i DO get the job however....i imagine i'm going to be a bit on edge trying to make that decision. for one thing, i've fallen in love with surfing like no other hobby i've ever had. yesterday i learned how to do a frontside top turn...meaning i can carve now. today, i learned how to top turn backside...so i can carve either way now. from there the learning curve kicks straight up and i'm finally feeling like a real surfer :) so, if i get this job..i get to surf the most consistent soul surfing on earth to look forward to on weekends, days off, and dusks.

moreso, i really do love the people in hawaii...and there's no other place in the world i'd like to raise a family. i always wondered if it would be a problem asking a girl i meet on the mainland to move to hawaii with me. on one hand it's like..duh...hawaii...but on the other hand...some people are as attached to their home just as much as i am *shrugs* even if it is bumblefuck oklhoma or somthing. so....if i could plant myself in hawaii right off the bat...i could start living my dream. i was thinking that i'd wanted to stay in nyc for a bit to enjoy the things i didn't have time for, especially since i have other friends doing the same, and my brother and sister have planted themselves there too. but this is how my pipe dreams end....i dunno. we'll have to see where my priorities lie. i guess i could wait to see what they think of me...or at least wait to see if i even like what they have to offer.

arggg, i hate making decisions.

'nother thing i've been contemplating...women...again *shrugs*. it's no secret now that i'm as celibate as a monk....when i was younger i was always told that 21 is when you become an adult....and my mom always 'hoped' that we'd wait 'till then for sex....although i think that's because she thought by then we should be finding our wife. mostly, though, i think she just thought that was a good age for us to make the right decisions instead of being influenced by the wrong things and making regretable mistakes. why'd i bring this up? oh yeah...women. now that i AM 21, i still don't give a shit about sex. i mean...i DO, but i don't want it to be something that'll make my decisions for me...and it probably would 'cause i'm a horny little bastard most of the time :) funny how that works.

what else....oh...cat (who reads this occasionally, hi cat) informed me that she probably would've gone for me had i just KISSED her one night we were together over christmas break...and that she woudl've gone for me enough to come visit nyc once in a while....so that's twice i've missed a chance to date her. yay! i'm such a wimp, i love it.

candace still hates me, but she still wants to hang out with me. wtf!?

being away from nyc, i keep thinking of all the girls i'm attracted to up there...and wonder if i should just DATE more. i mean...there's lots i don't know about all of them...and you always find out weird, interesting things about a girl you date that you never would've discovered as 'just a friend'. i dunno. i guess i've been getting kinda lonely. of course next year i'll be livin' with three of my closest (male) friends....maybe that'll cure the loneliness. yes eric. i'm GAY.

then there's all the shit i was thinking about before...grad school (i'm seriously contemplating MIT, i dunno if i can even get in...), work? life. a tattoo. my hair.


*sigh* sorry if i've been kind f distant lately, but i'll be back in nyc on the 14th with nothing to do anyway so come find me, let's get a beer.

surf's up

bold

i just saw an interesting commercial for the 2003 MTV video music awards...they're advertising by saying absolutely NOTHING about it! only that chris rock is hosting it. instead, they decided to tell us this, and show us a picture of a pretty cloud that looks kind of like a bunny rabbit...hopping...

i think it's a great campaign : )

contract completed

so yesterday was the last day of work to complete my contract with the temp agency, it was good. i brought doughnuts to work in the morning to say thanks to everyone and my boss was very appreciative of the hard work i gave him...nothing but good words. i guess i'll miss it a little...and it was a bit weird saying goodbye...i mean...i worked with these peeps for a month eight hours a day, five days a week...that's a lotta time spent with eachother, but in the end...what am i gonna do, call 'em to hang out? i decided it was better to just walk out. perhaps one day i'll see them someplace else....

and that now makes three jobs that i've quit in just over a year. that's interesting....oh well.

i then turned it into a GREAT night. me and thomas went surfing at diamond head and my other old friend jordan came out too on his bodyboard. he cramped up after a few waves and went back in....and me and thomas came back near sun-down. afterwards we went to this little pub that served some totally decent pizza and had a few pitchers of killians with it when we met with cat. after THAT we went over to aloha tower to the 'on the water' bar where a friend of ours was playing drums for some bad reggae band...but they had a seven dollar cover we were unaware of and opted against it, going upstairs instead to the 'bikini cantina', a good mexican restaurant that's a bar at night...and all the waitresses are wearing short skirts and bikini tops. our waitress was this local girl who was just BEAUTIFUL. very voluptious, full body, but tight : ) cutest smile and gorgeous long dark brown hair. cat got me a shot of '250' which is rum 151 and 99 bananas (do the math) for a belated birthday and the waitress gave me a beer on the house....only the shot came in one of those extremely large shot glasses.....filled to the brim. holy SHIT that was strong. i drank it half at a time...cat was impressed i even finished it. needless to say, i was REALLY tired by the time we were leaving, and drunk. not too good since i had to drive home, so me and cat roamed around waikiki for a bit...i got naked and jumped in the water...i was pretty sober by the time we parted ways at like....5:15am. bikini's closed at 2am...i have a lotta fun just hangin' with cat....not many people i can spend that much time with one on one consistently....

too bad in the end she's in love with someone else *shrugs*

i have to get back to nyc so i can get to the bar on foot or sub. it takes quite a while to sober up enough to drive...especially when i'd been up for 23 hours on like, four hours of sleep. it's one thing to do that and 'just get home'...but no shape to be driving in. i don't imagine i'll be doing that again, especially since i DON'T HAVE WORK ANYMORE!!!!

hope you're in for some fun, sai. i've got nothing but fun on my mind from here on out : )

bananas