i just shit myself

April 21, 2006
Lube Isn’t for Drinking

Teen girl #1: We ran out of lube, so we’ve just been doing it without.
Teen girl #2: Ah! Shit! Don’t even say that!
Teen girl #3: Yeah, dude. You just made mine hurt.
Teen girl #2: You should just keep like a jar or a vat of lube next to your bed, just in case.
Teen girl #1: Seriously.
Teen girl #3: Me and my boyfriend ran out like weeks ago, so we’ve just been using this, like, mineral oil.
Teen girl #1: Dude. That can not be good for your intestines.

–Oasis Falafel, Williamsburg


Overheard by: Trying not to to lose my appetite

via: http://www.newyorkoverheard.com/archives/44

shoebox in the corner

i got me a pad. ooooh yes. beau and i finally have a new home, equidistant from school and ultimate, pretty much. i love it so much.

it is, however, a beat the fuck down shoebox :) but i can handle that. it's month to month so if something better comes along i can bail, but for the time being it'll be so sweet to be closer to school and ultimate and...oh yeah...alcohol. it's pretty much the same size as my room here...so whatever.

oh, and i'm living with this mid-30's mexican guy named vicente, haha. super cool guy. we're talking and he hands me a corona. that pretty much sealed the deal right there.

goddamn i'm an easy sell.

jk

AND the kidney.

OH! and my fucking TAX RETURN was REJECTED!

in "electronically signing" my e-file i went dyslexic and wrote a combination of the right number and (obviously) a wrong number.

fuck me.

lean left, lean right, ice balls, repeat

mutha'fucka'

so renting a place is hard as hell man. especially when a) i'm a dude. b) i'm a grad student. c) i can't spend much. d) i want to basically be where EVERYONE in my financial position wants to be (by UH). and e) i have a big adorable dog that needs a yard with a fence...or something close to that.

goddamn...i'm gonna end up paying a shitload.

yay.

help!

butter my vegimite

few days ago i was talking about a cleanse some friends were/are doing but i forgot the third ingredient. it's leamonade with cayenne pepper and MAPLE SYRUP. and that's it, for a week...ugh.

we had a discussion about eating ANY three items for a week and one girl claimed that no matter what it was you'd get sick of it. she even opened the door to steak, bacon and...i forget the third one but it doesn't even fucking matter.

yeah, imagine my smile.

every once in a while i get this urge to be all healthy and shit. has nothing to do with diet to me, just excercise. well, i guess cutting down on my alcohol consumption occurs to me on and off. that tournament two weeks ago, hopu, the first day i consumed NOTHING but beer. no liquids at least. i ate lunch, had dinner, had it all with beer. starting at 8am at the openening ceremonies all i drank was beer. I got a buzz four times until the final (lethal) buzz that ended me when tequila was introduced to the cohesiveness cleanse. and you know what? i felt fine *shrugs*. if not for the ridiculous onslought of mosquitos, i would've drank more the next morning. too bad all that was available then was pineapple juice. i fucking hate pineapple juice.

also on the list of things to do without a girlfriend to makeout with, i'm going to start reading more. my big bro recommended this book "the art of seduction" by robert greene. apparently he wrote another huge seller called "the 48 laws of power" that was very well receieved. maybe i'll read that one next. so what's your vote after i read this book, lecherous slut or hopeless geek?

there're a lotta philsophy references in the book, too, that's making me ALMOST curious enough to start reading nietzche and foucalt again....we'll see.


*scratches balls*

cold lonely night on the pisser

so i decided since my girlfriend dumped me and i shouldn't be drinking too much during the week that i'm gonna start playing guitar again. a while back i mentioned i got a marshall MG30 off craigslist for $75 and the things sounds fuckin' SWEEEEET. 30 watts, i think an 8inch speaker. at quarter volume i'm pretty sure i start pissing off my neighbors, heh heh. good thing i suck at guitar.

i usually end up playing through the headphones, though, it has an emulated headphone output. it also has a CD in but the gain on it is fuckin' weak as hell so i just discovered tonight that i can put my earbuds on my mp3 player on, and then my big headphones from the amp on OVER them!!! so stupid, but it works. and i don't have to piss anyone off or play really really quietly, haha. i really just can't play softly, i dunno what it is about me. i lose the beat....(christian and scott know me...they were always telling me to turn my goddamn amp down, haha).

so yeah, i'm psyched, my hand fuckin' hurts, my fingertips are numb...oh well, don't have to worry about calluses anymore ;)

here's my jam list:

1. Fenix Tx - Ordinary World (4:04)
2. wise crack - come undone (4:02)
3. Reel Big Fish - Kiss Me Deadly-Lita Ford (3:40)
4. Reel Big Fish - Take On Me (3:01)
5. Reel Big Fish & Save Ferris - She Has A Girlfriend Now (3:06)
6. Reel Big Fish - - Beer (3:30)
7. The Offspring - The Kids Aren't Alright (2:59)
8. Homegrown - Surfer Girl (4:31)
9. Foo Fighters - All My Life (4:45)
10. Dramarama - Anything, Anything (3:25)
11. Linkin Park - Anything, Anything (3:33)

'bout a 40 minute workout, not bad. usually end up repeating a few of them as i'm trying to figure out how to actually solo instead of just be loud and obnoxious. much like my singing.

that dramarama song "anything, anything" has been on my mind for DAYS. whenever that happens i'll just listen to that song over and over 'till it starts bugging me and i put it back in a playlist...but i've been playing that song for TWO DAYS on my mp3 player on repeat and i still love it. i've heard it in my head for years but only decided to download it a week ago when i remembered some'a the lines and it struck a chord with my current situation *sigh*:

**
Oh, gee, what is it tonight?
At least just tell me what the hell is wrong,
Do you want to eat, do you want to sleep, do you want to drown?
Just settle down, settle down, settle down...
I'll give you give candy, give you diamonds, give you pills,
Give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills,
I'll even let you watch the shows you want to see,
Just marry me, marry me, marry me...

I'm so sick of you tonight,
You never stay awake when I get home,
Is something wrong with me, something wrong with you?
I really wish I knew, wish I knew, wish I knew...
I'll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills,
Give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills,
I even let you watch the shows you want to see,
Because you married me, married me, married me...

When I was young I learned a game,
Where love and happiness were the same,
Now I'm older and I don't play,
I found out the hardest way,
I got wasted, she got mad, called me names and she called her dad,
He got crazy and I did too, wondered what I did to you.

I'll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills,
Give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills,
I even let you hear the songs I want to sing,
I'll give you anything, anything, anything...
I'll give you anything, anything, anything
**



jam

bad habits NEVER SAY DIE

so i dunno if this is a good thing or a bad thing but i can still survive on caffeine and skittles. how nice. 3 hours of sleep and i haven't put anything in my mouth 'sides coffee, mountain dew, and skittles until i finished school and went to ultiamte. then i came home and just had a cookie.

lol, a few friends of mine have done/are doing this weird cleansing fast where all you get to eat is lemonade with cayenne pepper powder and....maybe bread or some shit. but that's ALL you can eat and you have to do it for a week.

somehow i doubt that mountain dew, coffee and skittles is cleansing.


zing

THE AXE

gone, but never forgotten.

and never is a promise.

face down in the rain with a stilleto between my shoulderblades

so i think for the first time in my life i hit on a complete stranger and got completely burned :) good thing i was really trashed. of course the fact taht i was really trashed was the only reason i hit on her.

goddamn cute, questionable sexuality (could be why i got burned), and wanted nothing to do with me. but she was nice about it. her friend liked me, heh heh.

stacy.

oh, and to clarify that fist sentence, i'm not saying it's the first time i've been burned, i'm saying it's probably the first time i hit on a complete stranger. i have no balls. none. i need courage of the liquid variation.

other than that i can barely lift my goddamn head today from headbanging so goddamn much last night. my neck hurts somethin' awful. ugh. i need a massage.

and the band plays on....